Page 66 of Encounter

“I’m really sorry. It... It’s not you, I swear to god!” I insisted, staring firmly at her even when my stomach twisted in discomfort and my limbs felt like made of paper. I’ve never felt more vulnerable with her. My whole life, I couldn’t be vulnerable with anyone. I couldn’t let myself be judged or hurt, so I wouldn’t end up like Mom. “It’s me, Zola. I’m— I care about you! I’m just not... not into girls,” I finally managed to speak, voice all creaky.

As soon as those words came out, I couldn’t help but laugh shakily.Dammit. Shit. Why was it so hard to say?

Zola stared at me, eyes wide but not in the same way as before. “Oh!” She didn’t seem angry or disgusted. “I, w— Why wouldn’t you tell me earlier?!”

I sighed, letting the frustration and anxiety out. “I d— I don’t know! I was worried! I’ve never... told anyone.”

Anyone but Chast. Well, I didn’t even have to really tell him. Chast just knew.

Startling me by the sudden step she took toward me, Zola’s face shifted into a soft, understanding expression. “It’sme, Galen,” she said, shaking her head in disbelief, her tone clearly telling me how bizarre she found my reasoning. “We’ve known each other for so long—come on! Of course, I wouldn’t care if you told me this.”

“I-I know,” I admitted, ashamed. Deep down, I knew she would accept me. I knew it wouldn’t have been a big deal to her, but... I wasstilla coward. “I know most people don’t really care, but... this isme, jumbled together with everything else, so I... I wasn’t sure.” Running my trembling hand through my hair, I finally felt my pounding heart slow down a little. “I wasn’t sure if it wouldn’t be another thing that’s shitty or boring or-or weird about me.”

“You’re not shitty or weird or boring to me!” Zola nearly shouted, grabbing my hands. Seeing her warm expression made me tear up. “You’re thebestperson I know. You’re good and fair and understanding... I was just—” Pausing as she remembered the awkward moment again, she smiled to herself and looked down. “You’re a great friend, Gale. I’m glad I know now.”

My god... Even though it all ended up well in the end, all of this was like my worst nightmare. Someone as awkward and undesirable as me, and of course the only person with a crush on me has been a girl, and my only friend at that.

“I’mreallysorry about this,” I sighed. “I’m sorry if you ever felt like... I led you on or something.”

“No, you didn’t!” Zola put her hands up. “It’s fine, really. It’s all good, Galen.” She seemed genuine enough. “I mean, it’s going to take me a while before I don’t feel like dying out of embarrassment when I look at you, but— It’s alright. I’ll just bother my therapist by talking about this for the next few sessions.” She giggled.

At that moment, I decided to believe her. Not to listen to the doubting voice in my head, but Zola and her words. It was all fine between us.

To my surprise, I actually felt... better. Lighter.

It was stupid, but now that she knew and seemed okay with it, my lungs expanded, and my shoulders didn’t weigh as much anymore. The music playing around us was meaningful now—it was the music I came out to someone for the first time.

I’m okay with that.

“We should get a taxi,” I said softly when the sounds of drunken girls leaving one that parked not too far from us got my attention. This was more than enough excitement for one night. No matter her acceptance, I knew Zola still needed some time to process it all.

On the way to her house, we stayed quiet, but the atmosphere remained light. It wasoursilence—the understanding, calming one we shared so many times before throughout our lives.As I looked out of the window when we passed through the center of the lit up night city, I couldn’t help but feel... empowered.

I didn’t want to go out and scream my truth out into the world, but the fact itself of telling someone, and them not pushing me away like I’d always expected made me see all the new possibilities. My mind was expanding and beaming with light thoughts for once, and as it had been my habit for the past few weeks, it quickly turned to Chast.

He knew, and he didn’t hate me either.Maybe if he was okay with it, maybe Dad could—

No. Shaking my head lightly, I closed my eyes with a deep sigh.Don’t be naive, Galen. You know your damn father.Dad was a lot of things, but tolerant and understanding weren’t some of them. There was no way in hell he would accept me for me. Perhaps when I’m forty, having graduated at the top of my class, with a high paying job, living in great social circles, with a wife and a kid... Maybethenhe would agree to look past this little error that was my truth.

But what would be the point then?

“Here we are,” the taxi driver announced as he parked in front of Zola’s apartment building. We shared a somewhat awkward yet hopeful smile.

“Goodnight, Zol.”

“Take care. Don’t think about it too much, okay? Nothing’s changing,” she assured me with the warmest, most genuine gaze, and I believed her. Nodding, I hugged her goodbye and watched her until she disappeared into the building.

As I checked on my phone to make sure my cash app was working so that I was able to pay for the taxi, I longingly glanced at the empty messages icon. Somehow, for some reason, I felt like Chast would’ve... checked up on me, or something. Was it naive?

He was the one to tell me to go out and have fun. Isn’tthatcaring?

“Alright, so...? Where am I taking ya?” the driver spoke again.

Home.I should go home, but...In my slightly influenced state and after what Zola did—something so impulsive and courageous I would have never expected from such a shy, reserved girl like her—I found myself being held back by something.

It was this idea, this fleeting, intrusive thought—I had to know.If Zola had the courage to kiss me, I had to know what I could do. This very moment felt like the only one when I was going to be able to do this, and for the first time in my life, I would rather choose the pain of failing than the regret of doing nothing at all.

“This address, please,” I said firmly, showing the driver my phone.

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