Page 143 of Encounter

As I walked through the hall, I remembered my phone was still in airplane mode. I thought I was as addicted to social media and checking the internet as any other person my age, but it turned out being offline for a few weeks was great. I didn’t even miss it that much.

The only person I talked to was Zola, anyway. In an attempt to be more honest with myself and others, I called her right before committing myself. She was the only person to visit me besides Dad, and there was none of the disappointment or betrayal I feared I would get from her.

We sat in the visitor’s room, and she cried, telling me how much she wished I would’ve told her I was struggling. The promise we gave each other when we were younger and vowed to stop with cutting was supposed to be about support and not winners and losers. She made me understand that. All this time, I worried about ruining her success by admitting I kept relapsing, but I should’ve relied on her instead.

I wasn’t going to make that mistake again.

I stopped in the middle of the hall and took a deep breath while my finger hovered over the airplane mode icon. Besides Zola, there was only one other person I expected a message from... No matter how much time had passed, and how unlikely it was, the moment of gut-twisting anticipation as I glanced on the phone, expecting to hear from Chast, was too much to bear for now.

I’ll turn it on in the car. Is Dad going to be the one to pick me up?

Continuing to the reception area, where I had to sign off some papers before leaving, I wondered if he was going to send a driver instead of coming himself.We hadn’t spoken in a few days, and ever since that night, he’d been... strange. Different.

How could he not be? Somehow, in that horrendous, low moment, he was the most vulnerable and caring as he had ever been. It confused me. Was he only scared of his son dying, or was it the love he had always had locked deep inside him coming onto the surface because of that situation?

Why did he only show the affection I longed for so deeply when he thought I was dying?You better stop overthinking this. It’s a topic for a whole therapy session or two. Or eight.

I got the feeling it made him feel guilty. The way he spoke to me, albeit briefly when he visited, was unlike ever before. The way he looked at me made me nervous because I saw there was something else behind his eyes—some emotion I didn’t understand.

Better get used to this. People giving me weird glances. Tip-toeing around me.

I wished I had the capacity to think about the possible consequences before going forward with my actions. But in the moment, I did what I could, like the doctor said. And at least, I was one of the lucky ones. I was still here. Still here to even worry about all this.

When I stopped at the counter, one of the workers already held out my papers.

I needed to start taking more responsibility. Dad sorted everything out for me. Paid for the stay, called the Conservatory. As much as I was nervous about going outside, I knew that... things had to change. For me to be more in control, and to deal with things better, I actually had to step up.

Sighing, I turned to the entrance when everything was signed and finalized.

Maybe I should turn my phone on. Dad probably texted me where to wait.

Grinding my teeth, I made my way to one of the benches close to the door and sat. Staring at the airplane icon, I gave myself a few more seconds, took a deep breath, and changed the setting.

I glanced over the notifications, mostly messages from Zola wishing me happy release day and saying she was there for me.

Nothing from Chast...It’s fine. You knew this could happen. You need to focus onyouright now.

I drew in a deep breath and opened the unopened message from Dad from the previous evening.“Please, wait at the side entrance, the one leading out of the park. You will get picked up there.”

Lowering my eyes, I felt the slight tinge in my chest when I realized he wasn’t coming to do it in person. I couldn’t expect him to be all sensitive and involved with me forever. It wouldn’t have been right if he suddenly acted like we were close, only because of what happened. I wished it was that simple, but like the doctor said, achieving something like that would take a lot of hard work.

With a deep sigh, I rolled my shoulders back and cracked my neck.No more stalling.

As opposed to the inside of the building, where everything seemed more professional and sterile, the outside was nothing shy of a beautiful park filled with all kinds of flowers. The nicely trimmed hedges, colorful blossoms, and sweet smells they produced made one think that they were going back into a world much better than whatever room they spent however many weeks inside, growing and getting better. Unfortunately, once I left the pretty brick walls of this property, I would be back to the cold, colorless world out there, but now, I felt at least a little more prepared.

After nervously standing on the side of the pathway leading to the road and not seeing anyone coming to get me, I decided to soothe my trembling hands by making a few steps toward the flowers.

Smiling faintly, I reached out my hand and touched the bright blossom before me. The yellow merged into a deep shade of red. Almost like the crimson covering me when Dad barged into my bathroom.

I shut my eyes tight and forced out a deep breath. Squeezing the bag I held over my shoulder, I took a few controlled exhales and inhales. Can’t think about that... It’s done. Over.This was a flower. A beautiful flower that shouldn’t have reminded me of what happened.

I plucked the blossom off, gently holding it in my hand.

Now, I could have a reminder of this beautiful place when I’m out there.I can do this.

Turning back to the path, I wanted to sit on one of the many benches, but someone’s presence caught my attention, making me pause.

Startled, I stepped back and nearly choked on a sharp breath when my eyes met with Chast’s. For a few seconds, I only heard my heartbeat pounding in my ears, until I blinked to make sure I wasn’t dreaming.

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