Page 140 of Encounter

“You got him back once. You can try again, Chast.”

“No. How could I?” I glared at her, frowning. “When— When he needed me, I turned my back to him and left. I did... theexactthing he feared the most I would do.” My chest tightened from thinking about it. “I never wanted to— All I ever wanted was to be the one he could count on and be himself around, but wh-when he needed me to defend him—us—in front of his father, I retreated like some fucking coward.”

If I could take it back, I would. If I could go back to that moment, I would do anything in my power to change it, but...

“You were in shock and completely overwhelmed. No one could blame you for not bein’ yourself after everything that happened!”

“It’s not about blame,” I snapped at her. “It’s abouttrust. And I could never ask him to trust me again.”I want to punch something. Myself, if I could.“I need some air,” I murmured, getting up. Mia let me, staying quietly on the couch. I went through the kitchen, grabbing cigarettes and lighter from one of the bottom drawers filled with junk, and dashed right out into the garden.

Holding my trembling hand against the bridge of my nose, I attempted to steady my breaths.I hated feeling this way—like when I was a boy, sitting in my room, hating everything and everyone, and waiting for my old man to come in, angry or drunk, to take it out on me. The powerlessness marked my bones with how deep it ran. I was trapped in that horrible place again.

“Fuck!” Resisting the urge to smack the glass door behind me, I took one of the cigarettes out and put it between my lips.

He would’ve hated seein’ me smoke.

Guilt washed over me, and so did the rattling feeling telling me nothing was going to be like that ever again. The best moments—most of our moments together—were all just memories. Memories I would hang onto like I did with Lydy; desperate and alone...

My phone buzzed, and without even thinking, my arm shot for it like it did every single time since I woke up in the hospital.

Still expecting him to call. How fucking pathetic am I?It’s only Gregory.

I answered with a questioning murmur when I put the phone next to my ear, while staring at the lighter in my hand, hesitating igniting the cigarette. As if there was any promise to break.

“Are you at home?”

Frowning, I tried to pinpoint the strange emotion in his voice. He sounded serious. “‘Course. Why?”Where else would I be?In my state, I could hardly do anything but lounge around.

“I’ve got a... gig for you. It’s urgent.”

I nearly choked. “What? I can barely get out of the bath. Thought you said I’m not allowed to work anymore anyway.”A part of me didn’t care—welcomed it, even. If I was supposed to go down doing some idiotic suicide mission, fine. I could live with that. I could die that way.

“You can do this one. Has to be you. On my way now.”

Staring at the phone screen after Gregory ended the call, I parted my lips and blinked. A little dazed by his attitude, I put the half-chewed cigarette back in the pack and walked into the house.

If I was supposed to do something other than lying around, I probably could take a bite of some of Mia’s food at least.

?

“That doesn’t sound like him. Was that all he said? Really?” Snacking on some nachos and pacing in front of the window facing the driveway, Mia kept poking her head out and glancing back at me. I stood leaning against the wall with my arms folded over my chest, glancing out of the window with the same level of impatience.

“He sounded weird,” I murmured and turned away from the window with a frown, staring at the ceiling.

“He must’ve been joking. Gregory knows you’re in no damn state to do anything! Ugh, what’s that idiot thinking?” Mia kept mumbling to herself, mouth stuffed to the brim and melted cheese dripping from her lip.

Maybe the Yakuza issue wasn’t as done and dusted as we thought.

Ugh, there was alwayssomethingwith gangs. Those fuckers did enough damage already, but no matter how shitty I felt, I was more than open to paying them back some more. The anger still bubbled inside me, dampened by the painkillers, but it was good enough to give me the strength to try and kill some more of those bastards.

Anything’s better than sitting here, feeling sorry for myself.

Finally, car tires came up the driveway. I stayed where I was, suppressing the unreasonable anxiety that pushed on my chest, while Mia’s face was already pressed against the window.

“Shit,” she groaned, licking her fingers. “Didn’t say he’d bring someone else over.”

“Another car?”

“Yeah.Ugh, I better clear out. I look like some feral animal.” Chuckling, I watched Mia as she rushed into the kitchen. She looked fine, and I was in no state to judge anyone, but the food stains on her loose lounge set and greasy hair probably wouldn’t be the side she’d like to show some possible business associate. Grabbing some more food, she disappeared upstairs, while murmuring, “You better not let them talk you into something stupid or else!”

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