Page 132 of Encounter

You can’t. Fuck, you can’t love me.You can’t feel for me what I felt for Lydy.

My phone rang. Probably Gregory.

I can’t let you love me, only to feel the same anguish I did when she died. If this mission doesn’t kill me, it’ll be bound to happen some other time.Someone as fragile as you... it would destroy you. And I don’t want you destroyed.

Drawing my brows together, I met Galen’s teary eyes, wishing I could say those words to him.I straightened my back and took two steps back, still looking at him. I put the phone next to my ear, doing everything I could to suppress everything, to suffocate any and all emotion. “Yeah?”

“It’s John. All is in place—we gotta move now.”

“Understood. Send me the meeting point.” After I ended the call, I gave Richard a firm glare. “You won’t see me again.” My brain tried to zone out Galen’s betrayed, shocked expression in my peripheral vision. Nothing else mattered but him being safe. Taking care of those bastards... and separating myself from him, were the only ways to assure that.

I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.

Still visibly hostile, Richard De Clare watched me suspiciously as I headed out. The worst had passed—I finally managed to grab the reins, and suppress my emotion, honing all of my attention on accomplishing the mission at hand.

“Chast!”

I closed my eyes and held my breath, ignoring Galen's desperate pleas.

“Chast, please!” His voice broke at the end. He was giving up, I could tell.

This is the only way...

Everything is fallingapart.

Like an animal pushed into a corner, I barged into the house, overwhelmed by the erratic beats of my heart. The door nearly hit Dad in the face as I smacked it close, but it barely slowed him down.

“Stop! Right now!” He barked when I was under the stairs, and I did. I was drowning. The waves kept hitting me, and I wasn’t sure how much strength I had left to keep afloat.

In a last ditch attempt, I turned at him sharply, so furious I couldn't stand to look at his face. “What?! Are you fucking happy?”

“You will explain to me what you did with him!”

“I wasliving!” I screamed. “Living life, enjoying it, loving him! Lovingmyself!But you don’t want that, do you? You hate that idea!” The pressure inside kept rising, making me feel like I needed to crawl out of my skin before imploding. The tears didn’t make it better, nor did raising my voice or taking deeper breaths. “Youwantme to stay depressed—to kill myself like Mom did!”

With one brisk step, Dad approached and delivered a sharp slap. Gasping, I stumbled back, barely capable of seeing his expression over all my tears.

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