Page 88 of When You Had Me Adapting

“Jesus, Jace.” She slaps my arm. “Don’t say it like that.”

“Well she did, so I technically can’t be mad at her. Come on, tell me about it.”

“Okay, well after we broke up I saw your parents often.”

“That makes sense. Our parents were friends and we were neighbors.”

“Yeah, but like it was more than me waving hello. Like I would talk to your mom a lot.”

“What do you mean?”

“Like every Friday on the phone starting my freshman year of college until she passed away.” She says the sentence so fast that I’m not sure I heard her right. I know once I started college I wasn’t around very often, but I talked to my parents almost daily and Mom never mentioned talking with Lacey.

“See I told you. You hate me,” she says.

“I don’t hate you. I’m a little surprised, but I don’t hate you.”

She pulls out the bag of mini Starbursts and pops a few into her mouth.

“Why did she call you every week?” I try to keep my tone even. I’m not mad. I honestly don’t know how to feel about it.

“My freshman year I was really lonely. You were out of my life, Poppy was gallivanting around Europe with that asshat, and my parents were so wrapped up in work and Colt that I felt like I had no one. I came home one weekend and ran into your mom. She asked me how college was going and I lost it in the middle of the driveway. I mean like really lost it. Full on ugly cry.” She pauses. Any doubt I initially had about this revelation leaves me. Mom took care of her when no one else was around. I reach out and place my hand on her thigh, encouraging her to continue. To my surprise she doesn’t move away.

“So anyway, she held me in the driveway and let me cry. Let me get it all out and then when I was done, she double checked she had my phone number. Every week after she would call me on Fridays and ask me about my week. Encourage me to go out and meet people. Listen to me laugh or cry. It meant so much. During my darkest time, she was my light.”

“Wow, I had no idea.”

“I know, but she told me she would tell you when the time was right and then she got sick, and I’m so sorry.” Her voice cracks and her eyes gloss over. I squeeze her thigh.

“Y’all talked about me?”

“Well sorta. Not really. After a few of our first calls she brought you up and told me you were doing well. Told me you had gotten into Georgetown and that she was so proud of you for following your dreams.”

That makes me smile.

“Did she know what happened between you and me?”

“No. I never told her and she didn’t push. She would tell me she knew one day you and I would sort it all out and then we would go on talking about something else.”

“I’m glad she was there for you when no one else was. She was good like that. Knowing what everyone needed. I wish so badly she was still around.”

“Me too.”

“You know I haven’t been back to her grave since she died,” I admit, disappointed with myself for not being able to visit her. Lacey places her hand on top of mine. Our fingers wind together.Holy fuck, Lacey Sims is holding my hand.I try to compose myself.

“Why not?”

“I don’t know. Too many things I guess. I feel so guilty I wasn’t here when she died.”

“I didn’t know you weren’t there. That had to be so hard.”

“Yeah, I was out on location for a project and it took Dad a whole day to get ahold of me. I came home as quickly as I could, but it was too late. She was gone and I didn’t get to say goodbye.”

She squeezes my hand. “I’m so sorry.”

“It is what it is. I entered the apartment lease with Tanner for Dad’s sake, but it didn’t change how often I was home. I stayedaway because it was easier. If I’m honest, I’m scared to go to her grave. Scared of all the feelings it’ll bring up.”

“I understand. Is that who the sunflowers are for?” She lets go of my hand for a minute and gently traces the petals of one of the flowers tattooed on my right forearm.

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