Page 40 of When You Had Me Adapting

“Do you like them?” he asks.

“I’m so sorry,” I say at the same time as his question.

“Oh, yeah. They’re delicious,” I say. I take a deep breath and rub my hands on my denim shorts before crossing my arms. “Do you mind if I start?”

He nods and leans back into his chair.

“So, let’s see. The September after you left, I convinced my parents to let me go visit Mariah in Virginia for fall break. The plan was for me to take the train into D.C. and surprise you. The day of the trip, she came with me.” I pause trying to remember every detail of the day. He offers me a smile and another nod. “So, we were on our way to your place and we passed by the coffee shop you had been raving about…”

“The Espresso Bean,” we both say at the same time.

I take a deep breath. “Yes, The Espresso Bean. So anyway, everytime we did talk you’d rave about the coffee and the pastries. I decided to go in and get us both a coffee.” I laugh to myself. “I didn’t want to show up empty handed.”

“Lacey, I had no?—”

“Please, let me finish.” He nods and I continue. “So, we walked in and the shop was packed with people. Mariah saw the two of you before I did. You were seated at this tiny table with a woman, who I now know was Eli. You were sitting close to one another, I remember, closer than friends would be sitting. And you were making her laugh. You both looked so happy and I froze. Mariah grabbed my arm and drug me out the door and back to the train before I could really process what I’d seen.”

“Why didn’t you talk to me?”

“I don’t know.” I let my head fall into my hands. “After you left, you got so busy and I was so lonely. I felt like I was the annoying high school girlfriend not letting you live your new, cool life. You remember how it was? We would plan to talk and then we wouldn’t. I felt like I was losing you and then I saw you with her.”

He leans forward onto his knees and I grab a couple more fries. “Just because I was busy didn’t mean I didn’t want to be with you. When you called, it felt so out of the blue. I didn’t know what to do or say. I don’t understand why you didn’t say something about Eli then.”

I stand and start pacing back and forth in front of his couch. “Because I was seventeen and emotional. I was embarrassed. I mean, fuck, I had planned on…” My voice trails off and I stop moving. I’m not sure I want to tell him what my plan had been. The embarrassment I felt that day creeps back in and makes my stomach turn. I was seventeen. I was in love and I thought I was losing him. I got it in my head we needed to connect and convinced myself sleeping with him was the best course of action. And then I saw him with her and I froze.

“You had planned on what?”

Hearing his question breaks my thoughts, and I let my eyes settle on him. He’s looking up at me, his sky-blue eyes begging for me to continue.

“I had planned on sleeping with you,” I say quietly. He clears his throat and I watch as his Adam’s apple bobs up and down. “So imagine how embarrassed I was that I came all that way with the grand plan to give myself to you and then I saw you with someone else. It was mortifying. So I called you and ended it because you had hurt me and I didn’t want to give you the satisfaction of knowing you had.” I plop back down on the couch.

“I’m sorry,” he says.

“You’re sorry? I’m the one that fucked all of this up. I’ve created some huge drama because of some teenage narrative I’ve been telling myself for ten years. You must think I’m the worst person you’ve ever known.”

“I could never think that.” His words hang in the air and for a second he looks at me like he did when we were teenagers. Like I am the only girl he’s ever seen. I push the thought from my head. My phone pings and I look down.

Cute Stalker: Thinking about you! Want to grab dinner tonight?

I put my phone face down on the coffee table and look back up at Jace. “I mean you tried to talk to me and I ignored you. Hell, I blocked you and convinced Poppy to block you too.” I shake my head. “I’m just, well, I’m so sorry.” Tears well in my eyes and I try to wipe them away. “Oh, god dammit,” I blink. “I got something in my eye.”

He stands and strides over to where I’m sitting. “Here, let me look.” He settles in next to me and our knees brush against each other. He barely grazes my cheek as he moves his fingers to my eye. His other hand rests on my upper arm, steadying himself. My skin tingles under his touch and my lungs fill with his deep, woodsy scent. My breath hitches as I allow my eyes to flutter shut. He carefully plucks something from my eyelashes. “It wasa piece of fuzz,” he says, causing me to open my eyes again. He studies my face and time feels frozen.

“Lacey?”

“Yeah?”

“Can I hug you?”

I hesitate for a minute before answering. Growing up, he was always there when I needed him. Always willing to give me a hug when life felt hard. My parents weren’t like Jace or Poppy’s parents. They were great at showing us they were proud of our accomplishments, but when we were hurt or upset, it was like my mom couldn’t handle the stress of it and my dad thought talking would fix it. Jace was always there to hold me and let me cry on his shoulder. A hug from him could make the worst days instantly better. For ten years, I’ve wished so many times I could hug him and now he’s sitting inches away from me.

“Lacey?”

“Huh?”

“Can I hug you? It looks like you could use one.”

I nod my head and his arms instantly wrap me up and pull me in close. I let my arms wrap around him and my body melts into his. Tears threaten to fall because he’s right, a hug is exactly what I needed in this moment. His body is warm and his grip is firm. How is it that we haven’t spoken in ten years and he knows exactly what I need? My phone pings again and I move a cushion away, unsure of how long I let him hold me. I grab it from the coffee table and swipe up.

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