Page 61 of When You Left Me Speechless

I take a deep breath. I know he believes that I can do this, but do I? I’m so close to being done and I’m terrified something will happen and it’ll come crashing to a dramatic halt. I must have been quiet for longer than I intended because his voice breaks my train of thought.

“You there, honey?”

“Oh, yeah. Sorry. Just lost in my thoughts.”

“You should take a break, maybe remind yourself why you wanted to be a speech therapist to begin with. I’m sureyou could spare a few hours this weekend to help out at the senior center.”

“That’s a good idea, I’ll think about it. I just want to graduate and make you and Mom proud.”

“You make us proud every day.” I can hear his smile through the phone. “Think about what I said.”

“I will, Dad. I love you.” I hang up the phone as I turn into the parking lot of Pecan Grove. I didn’t have time to stop for coffee this morning, so a cup from the breakroom will have to do.

I busy myselfwith looking at the bulletin board hanging on the wall while I wait for the pot of coffee to brew. There is a mix of flyers advertising local businesses that offer teacher discounts and school-sponsored postings. In the bottom right-hand corner, one of the flyers catches my eye. It’s bright yellow. It looks a little familiar, but I can’t place it. It’s advertising the need for volunteers in the school’s food pantry. I snap a picture of it with my phone and make a mental note to ask Beth about it when I see her.

I pour myself two cups before heading towards the speech room.

On my way out of the office, I pass by Principal Keller’s office, reminding me I haven’t given her an answer on the job offer yet. I was able to talk to Beth, but I put talking to Keller on my mental to-do list and then completely forgot to stop by her office and let her know my answer. I stop and knock. She smiles at me from her desk. “Ms. Collins, please come in and sit. How can I help you today?”

I take a sip from one of the cups of coffee I’m holding, “First, I want to apologize for not coming by sooner about your job offer.” I awkwardly set the second cup on the edge of her desk.

“No, no, it’s not a problem. I understand you have a lot going on. I’m glad you took the time to think about it. Does this mean you have an answer for me?”

I take a deep breath, “Yes, I do, and I am sorry to say I’ve accepted a different offer elsewhere.”

She shifts in her chair. “I’m sorry to see you go, but I know wherever you work will be lucky to have you.” She offers me a friendly grin.

I stand and shake her hand, making sure to thank her again for the offer and the kind words.

I breathe a small sigh of relief, but part of me is sad knowing I have two and a half weeks left at Pecan Grove.

“Morning, Beth,”I say, entering the speech room. Beth is standing by the bookshelf, searching through random piles of paper, looking for something. I toss the now empty styrofoam cup and start on the second cup.

“Oh hey, have you seen that list of words we used yesterday? I thought I'd put it here but can’t find it anywhere.”

I walk over and reach for a pile of papers sitting on top of the bookshelf and hand it to Beth. “Here you go.”

She gives me a look that says she is grateful and then walks back to her desk. “Goodness, what am I going to do without you?”

“I’m sure you all will survive. Oh, I stopped by Keller’s office this morning and told her I accepted a job at Dogwood Manor. I can’t believe I’m almost done.” I can hear the sadness in my voice, and it surprises me. My brain tries to convince itself it’s because of the kids and Beth. That I will miss them and no one else.

Don’t get me wrong, I will. I’ve grown to really love working here and getting to know the students. I consider Beth a friend, but there is a tug in my heart and deep in mygut that says what I’m hearing is sadness because of Logan. I’m not sure why it’s there. We didn’t set an expiration date on our little situation, but we also didn’t discuss what comes next. I push the thoughts into a dark corner of my brain. I can’t go there, not now.

“Oh good, I was wondering when you would let her know. We sure will miss you, especially the kids. You’ve really made an impact in the short amount of time you’ve been here.”

“I wish there was a way I could make a bigger one.”

“I think you have made a bigger one than you think,” she reassures me.

“Oh, that reminds me,” a smile erupts across my face, and I pull out my phone. “Pecan Grove has a food pantry?” I open the photo app and hold my phone out to Beth.

“We sure do. The kids on free and reduced lunch get sent home with a bag of food to get them through the weekend on Fridays,” she explains. “I know they have really been pushing donations lately, both from staff and students.”

“Why do they need volunteers on Saturday?”

“I’m not sure, but I think I heard they recently got a major influx in donations, and they are asking if staff can come in and organize the items this weekend to make it easier to distribute the food during the week. I would come in and help, but I’ll be out of town at a concert.”

“Oh, that sounds fun, what concert?”

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