Page 26 of When You Left Me Speechless

“It really is,” Beth agrees.

My mind flips back and forth between yesterday afternoon in the hall with Logan and this story. The room feels like it is spinning. I remind myself we have never slept together and up until yesterday, he hadn’t acknowledged who I was.

We might have finally admitted we knew each other, he might be very good-looking, and I might have liked the feeling of his fingers wrapped around my wrist, but I can’t get wrapped up with this guy. The hidden glances, the winking, and the nicknamescannothappen. I have to graduate and will not let another guy get in the way of my dreams again.

Beth and I walk to pick up our morning group. I attempt to quiet my brain as I pass his classroom, but he’s sitting at his desk. He’s wearing his glasses that make him look like Jude Law fromThe Holiday. My mind betrays me with thoughts about his body. I quickly divert my eyes to somewhere down the hall, and I remind myself I must stay focused on my goals and a teacher was fired for acting recklessly.

What’s wrong with me?

We settle back in the speech room with a group of second graders and begin a game of Uno.

“Ms. Collins, it’s your turn,” Phoebe whines. “Are you even paying attention?”

I try to laugh and shake the thoughts of Logan’s perfect jawline from my mind. “Oh, sorry kiddo. Yes, I’m paying attention. Whose turn is it?”

The kids all burst out laughing. “Ms. Collins, it’s your turn,” they sing in unison.

Beth gives me a concerned look. I take my turn and try to focus on the task in front of me. Thankfully, my brain quiets for the first time since earlier, and I turn my attention back to the game and the kids in front of me.

“Alright, kiddos, get back to class,” I say at the end of the session. The kids run out of the room. “Walk,” I yell after them.

“Abby Grace will be here in a minute. Are you doing okay this morning?” Beth asks as I gather the remainder of the supplies I'll be using for Abby’s evaluation. “You seemed a little distracted during that last group.”

“Oh yeah, I’m fine, just tired. I stayed up late last night studying.” I organize my materials on the table. “Can I ask why we need to evaluate Abby? I looked over her file, and she doesn’t seem like she needs speech therapy or any services for that matter.”

Beth rolls her eyes. “This doesn’t leave this room, but Abby’s mom has tried this before with her two older boys. She requests evaluations before they move up to the next school to see if she can get them accommodations. It’s not what the system is meant to do, but unfortunately, it’s a loophole many parents try to take advantage of. If she gets the accommodations now, then she will have them to help her when the testing gets harder in middle and possibly high school. Her family donates a lot of money and time to the school every year, so that is why Keller pressured us to prioritize it.”

“That’s insane. Will her parents be mad if she doesn’t qualify for services? Should I be worried about the meeting?”

Beth takes a sip of water, pausing before she answers me. “I know the mother was upset when the oldest didn’t qualify, but we can’t do anything about it. I’ll be there to support you, and so will the rest of the team.”

“That’s reassuring,” I laugh.

CHAPTER 16: CEREAL IS A SNACK

LOGAN

The past twenty-four hours have been a whirlwind. I finally got Poppy to admit she knows who I am, and just when I thought I might be able to ask her on a proper date, the rug was ripped out from underneath me in that staff meeting. I know the meeting should have ended my thoughts about her. I know I need to forget about seeing her as anything other than a student therapist, but instead, she is all I can think about. I need to focus on getting through this school year and impressing my administration, so I’m seriously considered for the assistant principal job.

“Good afternoon,” Beth says. Poppy walks in behind her, sipping the coffee she always seems to have, no matter the time of day, and looking like a fucking dream.

I must stop thinking that. We can’t be anything more than colleagues.

“I’m going to run to the ladies' room,” Beth announces, setting down her stuff. Poppy watches the door until Beth disappears down the hall.

“Thanks for being so flexible with the time today,” she says. “The evaluation took all morning, so us being able to come to Freddie’s writing classis a huge help.”

She is standing in front of my desk, biting her lip, and twirling a piece of her hair around her finger.

“It’s no problem,” I say, unsure where to start but wanting to say something before Beth walks back in. “Hey, I don’t want things to be weird?—”

“Look,” Poppy quickly glances around the room looking for students and when she finds no one, she continues, “We had fun at the bar, and maybe if I wasn’t here for school and trying to graduate, things would be different, but I need to focus. There is no reason things should be weird. We hung out one time, and we slept next to each other, practically fully clothed. Until yesterday, neither of us was sure if the other remembered it. I don’t need Beth, or anyone for that matter, thinking I’m not serious about school or my career, especially after that staff meeting. I need us to keep this professional. No one can know we knew each other before my first day.”

She’s not wrong. I can’t be getting involved with her either. What she is saying is what I have been telling myself since the meeting, but damn if I don’t want to say fuck it and get to know her anyway.

“Friends?” I ask, shrugging my shoulders because what else can I offer this girl right now? “It can’t hurt to be friends if we will have to be working together. Better than ignoring each other.”

“Friends?” She hesitates. “I guess that would be better than ignoring each other. Sure, friends would be fine.”

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