Page 91 of When You Left Me Speechless

“Wait out here for a minute and let me talk to her,” Beth says. She squeezes my hand and gives me a reassuring smile before she walks in and shuts the door. I can’t hear a thing. My chest feels tight. I reach for my phone and realize I left it in the speech room. My leg bounces up and down and I try to quiet my thoughts while I wait.

“Poppy, can you join us?” Beth says from the door of the office.

“Hi, Ms. Collins,” Principal Keller greets me. We all sit down. “I’m sure you know why I’ve asked you to meet with me today.” I nod and look at the floor.

Breathe in for four. Hold for four. Breathe out.

“I have been speaking with Mrs. Harris, about your relationship with Mr. Peterson,” she pauses, giving me a chance to say something, but I don’t.

“Anyway, I spoke with Mr. Peterson this morning, and I’m honestly still actively trying to navigate the situation. I know Ms. Harris has been observing you while you have been with us, and she has assured me you and Mr. Peterson were nothing but professional. Which, I must say, I was happy to hear. Given that you have only a few more days with us, you are welcome to finish out the week. Ms. Harris can decide whether your university needs to hear about this.” I nod and hold back my tears. “Do you have any questions?” Keller asks.

“Is Logan, er, I mean, Mr. Peterson, going to lose his job?”

She smiles. “That is between him and me. Please know we must take these things seriously, and no decision is being made lightly.” She glances over to Beth and then back at me. Beth stands and walks toward the door, and I follow her out.

We walk back to the speech room in silence, and when I’m sure I hear the door click closed behind me, I collapse into one of those tiny chairs and start to cry. “He’s going to lose everything because of me, Beth, I know it.”

She wraps me in a hug. “You don’t know that. Try to thinkpositively. I know she seemed like a total hardass in there, but she is really torn on what to do. The Wilsons are a complicated family, but she is also very aware of Mrs. Wilson’s motives for all of this. She’s doing the best she can. Just give her time.” She hands me a tissue and I wipe my nose.

“Did she tell you to report me?”

“No, she told me to do whatever I thought was best. I already told you there is nothing to report, and you aren’t failing, so you need to relax. Have you spoken to him?”

“No, he has texted a few times, but I’m terrified if we speak, it’ll be for the last time, and I’m not ready for that, especially now that Keller knows. I miss him, Beth. This is insane, and I feel like an idiot. I tried to tell myself it wasn’t serious, but it is becoming incredibly clear I have been lying to myself the whole time.”

“Give it time. Maybe you two can give it another chance once the air clears.”

I shake my head and grab another tissue. “I just don’t know if that’s an option. How will he ever forgive me if he loses his job and I walk away unscathed?”

Lacey is already homewhen I walk through the door of our apartment. I let my bag fall to the floor and then crash onto the couch. My head has been pounding since I walked out of Keller’s office. I’m relieved this mistake won’t cost me my degree, but I can’t stop worrying about what it means for Logan and his job. Lacey takes a seat on the other end of our sofa. “How was today?” she asks.

I roll over and grab my phone. I swipe back to his text message and hand it to my friend. She takes a minute to read it.

“He wants a future with you?”

“He doesn’t know what he wants.”

“But, he said?—”

“I know what he said, but you missed the part where I was right. Mrs. Wilson told Keller. She knows. She pulled us both into her office this morning. She let Beth decide my fate, but she will inevitably choose Logan’s, and he will be left without a job because of me. I’m sure when it happens, he will realize this was all a mistake and take back what he said. He will hate me.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Yes, I do. Maybe if I were ruined, too, then there would have been something poetic or romantic about us both being ruined together. Like, we lost everything, but not each other.” She tries to interrupt me, but I don’t let her. “That’s not what’s going to happen though. I’m walking away from this unharmed. I will graduate. Beth won’t report me to my program, but he will have to pay the price, and it’s not fair. When he realizes he was held accountable and I wasn’t, he will want nothing to do with me.”

“Have you tried talking to him? I mean, he is obviously miserable. He keeps reaching out, and you haven’t responded once.”

“I don’t want to talk to him.”

“Why? You obviously like him, even if you keep trying to convince yourself it was nothing but sex. Why not try to work it out?”

“Because I need to finish school. I need to get across the stage and not delay this degree any longer. Because I need to prove to myself that I can graduate.”

Lacey just stares at me. “I don’t understand. What are you trying to prove to yourself?”

“That I’m not an idiot, even though I continuously prove that I am. I couldn’t see that Beau was done with me. I’m the one that messed up the dates and almost didn’t get an externship. And now I’ve gotten involved with the one guy that was totally off-limits.”

“Girl, you can’t be serious.”

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