Page 51 of The Perfect Love

I look over at her with a big smile. “No idea what you’re talking about.”

“Aww, I love smiling Trevor,” Amanda says.

Mackie pinches my cheek. “So cute.”

“Enough,” I grumble. I wish she and Hyla could figure their shit out because they really are a match made in heaven.

“On that note, I’m feeling a morning walk,” Rae says, looking around at the girls.

“Oh, yes please,” Amanda says.

Mackie hops off the stool next to me. “I’ll come too.”

Sarah slides off the counter to join them, her eyes lingering on Joel while he eye fucks her in return. They might as well just kiss in front of us and get it over with, but that’s Sarah. She holds herself back from love because she doesn’t think she deserves it.

Rae kisses Aaron, then, as the girls file out of the kitchen, she leans in and squeezes my arm. “For the record, it’s good to see you smile like that. It’s been too long since we’ve seen this side of you. Don’t be afraid to enjoy it.”

Then she heads upstairs to get ready with the rest of the girls.

The guys take spots around the kitchen counter, all focused on eating their pancakes, as that almost eerie silence settles in again.

“Really? You guys aren’t going to annoy the shit out of me with questions?”

“We’ll do that after breakfast,” Joel says.

“Apparently we’re going on a field trip,” Miles adds.

“Where?”

“Baseball field.” Aaron’s smile is massive. “Since Miles is going to be playing with us again for the first time since high school, we figured we should start reconditioning him.”

For the first time this morning, my good mood legitimately fades a little.

“Unless you don’t want to come,” Aaron says, voice softer.

“No. I’m—that’s fine.” I smile again, but it’s forced.

Maybe I should tell them I haven’t been on a baseball field since my accident. They’d understand. I knew I’d have to face it eventually, but I’m not sure I was ever going to be ready.

My love of baseball is intrinsically tied to my dad. It was something we did together and bonded over. My understanding and love of the game came from him. Losing it the way I did made me feel like I was losing a part of him too. Like I was letting him down.

Though I’ve been to a handful of baseball games since my accident—mostly here to support the guys—I haven’t set foot on a baseball field. I haven’t wanted to. Working with the team was going to be a way to push myself to get over the—not fear, exactly—discomfort or uncertainty of going out there again. I don’t know how it will feel. I guess it might be better to do it with the guys than in front of the whole team—or worse, by myself. Because that’s probably what I would’ve done. I’m good at isolating myself and dealing with my problems alone.

I’m a protector and caretaker by nature—the flip side of which is me not wanting to burden other people with my problems.

“Are you sure it’s fine?” Joel asks.

I suck in a deep breath. “Yeah. It’ll be good to get back out there again.”

Or something like that.

Chelsea

Chelsea.

Hazy half-awake, half-asleep me closes my eyes tighter, trying to find the dream source of the voice.

Chelsea.

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