Page 184 of The Perfect Love

Chelsea

Hello darkness, my oldfriend.

Apparently, my version of processing things is to… not.

All I’ve done for the past twenty-seven hours is lie in bed.

Oh, and overthink and replay everything that happened. One thing I never wanted was for Trevor to be twined into what I went through. Now he is. No matter what happens from here, he will be. Because he beat the hell out of the guy who raped me, and that will factor in somewhere down the line. Not to mention in his future.

I wish I could be mad about it, but I’m not. I always joked about that fantasy book boyfriend stuff with him, and it became clear early on that he’d do anything to protect me. If he couldbuild a time machine and go back and make sure he was there to protect me that night, he would.

I feel bad not reaching out, but I have to work through this immediate stuff on my own. If I don’t, I’m worried it will affect our relationship deeply. For the most part, I’m a solo processor. That’s who I’ve always been.

Is that an excuse for lying in the dark and giving in to the darkness? Probably not. But the darkness is cozy. Like an old friend. And getting up means facing it all. Making it real.

Sleeping and ignoring life is simpler.

Gran’s been in with tea and snacks multiple times, and both dad and Robbie have checked on me, but I haven’t wanted to talk. I’ve been cranky and grouchy. No one can give me what I want because I don’t know what that is. I want Trevor, but I also know I’m not ready to see him yet.

I just want the emptiness to go away.

I pull the sheet up over my head and close my eyes, ready to lose myself again, when there’s a knock on the door.

Even though I grumble, it swings open.

“Sweetheart,” Gran says, and I reluctantly pull the covers off my face. “There are two lovely young ladies here to see you.”

I almost pull the blankets back up as I think of Lex and Bridget and them telling me to stop moping.Get over it.

But those thoughts drift away when Amanda and Mackie walk in, carrying bags of stuff.

I push myself up to sitting, tears welling in my eyes. “What are you two doing here?”

Amanda smiles as they climb onto the bed with me. “Friends don’t let friends sit in the darkness alone.”

“They crawl in and be the light that helps them find their way out,” Mackie whispers.

Tears trickle down my cheeks.

Thisis what I needed. What I didn’t know I needed.

“Rae wanted to come too, but with everything happening with Sarah, she didn’t want to leave. But she sent these,” Amanda says, pulling out a tray of brownies. There’s a notecard taped to the top.

It’s not pitch black in here, and with the door cracked, there’s enough light that I can see.

I pull the note out of the envelope and unfold it.

Chels,

I’ve learned there are very few things in life that brownies can’t help with. I added some extra magic to these (AKA salted caramel).

If there’s one thing more powerful than brownies to help get you through the tough stuff, it’s good friends. I wish I could be there, but sometimes the messiness hits more than one person at once. I just want you to know I love you and I’m thinking of you. I’m here if you need anything, so call, please.

And for the record, I think you’re the most badass woman I know.

XO,

Rae

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