Page 153 of The Perfect Love

“No,” I growl. “He didn’t take shit from us. We will get there, whether it’s next week or next year. And whenever we do, it’ll be that beautiful connection. But even without taking it any further, we worship each other’s bodies and connect in a deep, intense way. When you feel ready, we’ll refocus on that. If you feel ready to try this again, then we will. There’s no timeline, just us. And we’re pretty fucking spectacular together. So we’re going to be fine. Own every single thing you’re feeling. Feel it all. Processit how you need to. But don’tworry. Especially not about us. Because we’re going to be okay. We’ll be amazing.”

“I love you,” she sniffs, not lifting her head.

I press a kiss to her head. “Love you too. Are you sure you’re comfortable with me staying tonight?”

“Yes,” she answers instantly. “I need you here. When your arms are around me, I’m safe. I need you to hold me and let me feel that all night.”

“I’m all yours,” I whisper, holding her tighter.

If this little bit of safety is all I can give her, I’ll hold her forever if she wants.

19

CITYTTBABYATB

Chelsea

Me: Give me ahint. Pleassseeeee.

Book Boyfriend: You’re relentless.

Me: And cute.

Trevor has been busy planning a whole special weekend for us to celebrate my birthday and Valentine’s Day. But he won’t tell me a thing about it and since I’m both nosy and excitable—and I like to rile him up sometimes—I won’t stop bugging him about it.

Book Boyfriend: I will concede that point. And fine… here’s the only clue you’re getting.

Book Boyfriend: CITYTTBABYATB

I stop where I’m walking and blink at my phone. Did he really just send me an acronym? And is it a dirty one?

Me: You didn’t give me a clue. You gave me homework!

Trevor: Good detectives know how to figure out a clue. Put your romance reading brain to good use.

Me: So is it dirty?

My heart beats a little harder. Trevor has that effect on me. With his words. His hands. His filthy mouth.

Thankfully, after trying and failing at having sex a couple of weeks ago, we eased right back into what we had been doing—basically everything else. The next morning as we laid in bed together, we kissed and held each other for more than an hour before we let our hands roam. Though it took a few minutes for me to push past that icky headspace, once I got there, I was fine. Better than fine. I was on fire for him, like usual.

While Trevor was right, and our physical connection is insane without sex, I still want that. I still crave it. I’ve spent time trying to work through more of my fears. I’ve talked about it with my therapist. And I want to try again. It needs to be different this time. Him taking control and going straight into dirty talk didn’t work like I thought it would. I need to be gentler with myself, take it slower. I really believe I can do it, and I feel ready to try again. Maybe it can be my birthday present to myself. It’s the only thing on my wishlist right now.

I look at the acronym again, trying to figure out what it could be.

Me: I see multiple As in there. Does it involve my ass? Because I’m not sure how I feel about that.

Book Boyfriend: Wow. You really took that to a place I wasn’t expecting. It’s not like I said I’d COTAEYPTYCOMF.

Me: Dirty! Also, I wasn’t expecting you to know any of these acronyms except maybe STFUATTDLAGG.

Book Boyfriend: I didn’t. But we’ve established you take control in the bedroom, so it wouldn’t really make sense. Although you could tell me to STFUAETPLAGB.

Chelsea: I mean… you can consider that an open invitation.

Me: Right as I’m about to walk onto a baseball field with my friends? Mean. That’s just mean.

Me: It’ll be worth the wait? Especially when I’m splayed out on the bed for you later…

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