Page 137 of The Perfect Love

The subtle grumble under Trevor’s breath is everything. I have to bite my lip to keep from laughing.

Bridget and Lex both stand up when I get to the table, throwing their arms out for me to hug them.

I step away from Trevor and into their arms, but when I do, I notice something I never have before. How hollow it is. When Amanda hugs me, she throws her arms around me and holds me like a mama bear would. Rae’s hugs are soothing and comforting. Hyla hugs like she might never let me go. But this? It’s empty. There’s space between our bodies. It’s more like one of those bro-hug, pat on the back things. Oh my god. Is there such a thing as a cliché girl hug? Because I think I might’ve found it.

“Yay! I’m so glad you’re here,” Bridget says.

“And we get to meet the boyfriend,” Lex claps.

“Yes. This is Trevor. Trevor, meet Bridget and Lex.”

“Best friends since first grade!” Bridget says.

“It’s nice to meet you ladies.”

He pulls out a chair and sits down, then drags the other chair right next to him and pulls me into it, protectively wrapping his arm around me.

Lex notices and giggles about that. “So romantic.”

But that mood is quickly broken when Bridget loudly calls to the nearby bartender, “Shots!”

I hold up my hand. “I’m not drinking.”

Bridget rolls her eyes. “Of course you’re not.”

“Mm, but maybe your boyfriend will. If we get him drunk enough, maybe he won’t notice if one of us steals him.”

Oh my god.

It comes rushing back to me, all the times they’ve said things like this. Things I wrote off as innocent jokes, but when I look between them, there’s something cold in my stomach as I realize they might actually do something like that. I don’t know.

“Yeah, that’s not cool,” I say clearly.

“You know we’re just kidding,” Lex says.

“Plus, it’s clear he only has eyes for you. And hands,” Bridget adds, tracking the movement of his fingers over my shoulder. A calm reassurance.

“Anyway, we want to hear all about the new college!” Lex exclaims, giving me a genuine smile. And finally, I relax.

We settle into a conversation about school and what we’ve all been up to, and it’s easy to remember why I’m still friends with them. There’s a lot of shared history, and I really do believe they care. But I’m not sure they’ve ever learned what a strong female friendship looks like. Who knows if they ever had it modeled for them. Or maybe they have it with each other in a way they don’t with me. Whatever the answer, it’s okay. No one is perfect. My issues are less about them and more about me. What I want from my friendships and what I’m willing to tolerate.

In my last session with my therapist, she reminded me that boundaries are essential for building the lives we want. They’re there to help us structure our lives the way we want. They don’t shut anyone else out. People shut themselves out if they refuse to respect those boundaries.

So, that’s my plan. Set boundaries as needed with Bridget and Lex—or anyone else—and if they want to be in my life, they’ll learn to respect them.

Overall though, tonight has been good. We’ve talked and laughed, told some old stories that even had Trevor laughing, and ate a shit ton of appetizers.

When I’ve yawned three times in a row, Trevor says, “Babe, maybe we should head out.”

Another yawn stops me from answering. “Probably should. I didn’t sleep much last night.”

“I’ll bet you didn’t,” Bridget says.

And even though it’s said playfully, it makes me feel a bit icky. Assumptions that we were up all night having sex. When we haven’t even done that yet. Not that I have any intention of telling them that. The only reason I didn’t sleep last night is because my mattress is so freaking old and uncomfortable that I couldn’t find a position that didn’t make my neck or back ache. Trevor sleeps like the dead and can fall asleep anywhere.

“Wait,” Lex says. “Come on. Do one round of shots with us before you go!”

“I told you, I’m not interested in drinking.”

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