Page 54 of The Perfect Love

My cheeks blaze.Shit.I need to stop that gut instinct of not trusting people. Or assuming the worst. My stomach goes cold. Or stop believing I don’t deserve better than that.

Amanda puts her hand on the table and leans in. “Okay, who hurt you? I’m going to need names and preferably phone numbers so I can call them up and tell them what feckless idiots they are.”

“Feckless?” I choke on a surprised laugh.

She shrugs. “I was listening to an audiobook with a Welsh character. He kept saying that. Anyway, no avoiding my question.”

I sit with that for a moment, debating what to tell her. It’s not one clear answer. What I went through with my assault and dealing with Bridget and Lex both have played a part. I haven’t told anyone here what I went through yet, though Rae obviously has some idea. Do I want to tell her before I tell Trevor?

“Sorry. I… you’re right that I’ve been hurt, and I’m sorry I put that on you. I appreciate you asking me here, and I want to get to know you. As for who hurt me, that’s complicated, butfriendship-wise, it has to do with my friends back home. Who I’m starting to think aren’t my friends at all. Not in the real sense. I spent the last year struggling, and all they did was nag me about how I wasn’t fun anymore.”

“Again, I’ll take phone numbers. Always happy to tell off some asshole friends.”

I don’t know whether to laugh or cry because she’s serious. She’s not just here to build a friendship. She’s giving me her instant loyalty.

“I appreciate that, but it’s not just them. I went through something… well, you know where I work. With Rae. There’s a reason for that.”

She leans forward and grabs my hand. “I’m so sorry.”

“I’m doing better now, but still healing, and trust doesn’t come easily to me.”

“What happened with Trevor makes a lot more sense now.”

“He doesn’t know,” I say quickly. “Rae knows about as much as you do, and I—”

“Breathe, Chels. I’m not going to tell him—or anyone—anything. I know it’s probably weird or strange because there’s this big group of us who are close, but we all have unique friendships. My friendship with Rae is different from my friendship with Sarah, which is different from my friendship with Mackie. And all of that is different from my relationship with any of the guys. Or Hyla.” She laughs. “Who, funny enough, I didn’t even like at first.”

“Wait, you don’t like Hyla?” I ask in surprise. Especially since Amanda and Trevor seem to be good friends.

“IloveHyla. But when we first met, I didn’t trust her. I just hadn’t realized how much the world had hurt her or how badly she needed love and protection.” Amanda squeezes my arm. “Now I get the feeling you need that too. And you’ve got it. Anything you tell me stays with me.”

With a sigh, I drop my head and run my hand through my hair. “I kind of feel like an asshole now.”

“Hey, part of my friendship is not letting anyone talk badly about you. Including yourself. You’re not an asshole. You’re healing. And I’m here for any part of that journey you want to share with me.”

“Even if it’s messy?”

She laughs. “In time you’ll learn, messy is what we do best. Not only are the girls amazing friends, they’re an amazing tribe of women who come together and support each other. I was really lonely and pretty insecure before I found them. They made me feel accepted and wanted. I hope in time you’ll feel that way too. Not just with the group, but with me.”

Fuck.I’m not used to this easy vulnerability. But I want to be. I’ve craved strong female friendships for a long time, and I’m not going to let that untrusting negative voice inside me ruin this.

“I’m already feeling that way with you.”

“Good. Now. No more about Trevor or emotional things—unless you have something you want to share—otherwise, I want to know about you. Tell me something about you. What you do for fun. What you enjoy.”

“Reading is my number one hobby. I’m deep in a fantasy romance hole right now.”

“Ooh, I’m here for that.”

“And I love volleyball.”

“Ah! See, friendship goals already. I played all through middle and high school.”

“Seriously?” My face lights up. “Wait. We must’ve played each other. You’re from Woods Junction, right?”

She nods. “Yep. I remember playing against Birch Lake in high school. That’s crazy.”

Wow. Apparently, this invisible string vibe I have going on extends beyond Trevor.

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