Page 25 of The Perfect Love

My eyes light up, and his smile gets bigger. It’s a shame a coach who cares this much isn’t working at a D1 school where hecould make an even bigger difference. Most of my coaches cared about the game, but their players… not so much. My coach called me to scream at me after my snowboarding accident. I know what I did was dumb, but to be so angry you need to call and yell at a kid who’s already broken is pretty shitty.

“One thing I always need help with is logistics. In my position as head coach, I have to handle everything from babysitting student grades and conduct, to budgeting for the team, to staying up to date on all NCAA rules and regulations to make sure the team and coaching staff are abiding by them. That doesn’t even factor in planning out practices and team building opportunities and the behind the scenes of running a team. In the past, sometimes a team captain or assistant coach would take on some of those duties to assist me, but with you here, willing to learn, I’d like to offer you the position of my right-hand man. You’ll help me out and learn plenty about the behind the scenes of college sports and team dynamics. If you’re interested. The only downside is the pay is shit—by which I mean, it’s nothing. I tried to find some room in the budget, but well, if you help me out, you’ll see my problem.”

“That’s fine.” I lean forward. “I don’t need a paycheck. That sounds awesome. And exactly like what I was looking for.”

“Good. And if you’re interested, I’d love to have you as a volunteer coach too. You seem to know your shit when it comes to baseball, and I think you could be a positive influence on the team.”

I set my jaw to keep my mouth from dropping open.

“You know, you’re kind of giving me everything I want. I’m waiting for the inevitable but.”

He chuckles. “Didn’t you hear the part about no pay?”

“I don’t care about the pay at all. I…” I suck in a long breath, letting it all sink in. “Thank you. For all of this. Everything falling apart the way it did… I wasn’t expecting to be able to be soinvolved again, so I appreciate the chance to have baseball in my life again.”

He gives a slight nod. “I was twenty-three and playing for a minor league team when I blew out my knee. When they told me I was done with baseball, I said no. Just because I couldn’t play didn’t mean I was giving up on the sport I loved. I never want to see anyone else have to either. I’m looking forward to working with you this coming season. I’ll be in touch when we start coordinating practices, because I’d like you there for that too.”

“I’m looking forward to it as well. Thanks, Coach.”

He stands up and I do the same, grabbing my bag from the floor before meeting his gaze and reaching to shake his extended hand.

“Take care.”

“Thanks. You too.”

With that, I leave his office, thoroughly shocked and excited, and hoping it’s a sign for a positive day ahead.

Chelsea

“I don’t want to go to school,” I whine, head resting on Robbie’s kitchen table.

“Oof. I haven’t had to do this with you since you were seven and Brittany Keller told the whole class you smelled like feet.”

I lift my head and glare at him. “Is it necessary to bring that up right now?”

He shrugs. “I’m trying to remember how I got you to go back then.”

“Probably by promising me a new book. Or a brownie sundae.”

“You’ve always been obsessed with both. So… you go and I’ll buy you a new shadow daddy book? Bat boys? Maybe one with a guy who rides a dragon?”

“I can buy myself books now.”

“Okay, I’m out of ideas other than to tell you that you can’t quit school on your second day when you haven’t even been to half of your classes yet.”

My lips pull flat as I stare at him.

I know all this. I know I need to go. But the upbeat energy I had yesterday died an ugly death last night. My stomach still hurts when I look back on it.

Not because Trevor did anything wrong. Because I did.

He followed the signals I gave. I climbed onto his lap. I kissed him. I was about to grind against him when a feeling of complete wrongness washed over me. Shame and guilt mixed together inside me with a hefty dose of discomfort. Then my mind went back to that night, and I realized no matter how badly I wished I could kiss a guy and have fun, I’m not that girl anymore.

Until last night, I hadn’t kissed anyone else or had anyone else’s hands on me since I was raped.

Then I leaped over all the walls I put up to keep myself safe, only to come crashing down on the other side of them.

It was too much. I’m not ready. But even if I was, I wouldn’t have wanted it to be like that. Random hookups were fun in the past, but that was before. Things were different. I was different. I don’t know when I’ll be ready to have sex again, but when I do, I want it to be with someone I trust and respect.

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