Page 191 of The Perfect Love

He chuckles. “Yeah. I know how that feels because I’m the same way. You and I are more alike than you realize.”

“So wouldn’t you blame yourself too?”

“Of course I would.”

“Then… exactly my fucking point. I shouldn’t have—”

He holds up his hand. “I would blame myself, but would you blame me?”

I open my mouth. Close it again. Because I don’t know.

“I still blame myself for what happened with Rae,” he says. “I watched that guy grab her on the dance floor, and my worst regret is that I didn’t see she was alone before that. That I had to choose between fighting three guys or going to get help. I still wonder if I made the right choice.”

“That wasn’t your fault,” I say firmly.

“And this wasn’t yours. We are always harder on ourselves. Things that weigh on me are things I’d never ever place on my friends. You’re feeling the weight of this because you care for Chelsea and you feel like you failed her, but what happened to her wasn’t your fault. You know who’s responsible for raping someone? Rapists.”

“But—what if I helped him get away with it?”

He sighs and shakes his head.

“You didn’t. I’d bet on it. You’re a good guy, Trev. Believe that for a second.”

“What if I was agood guyto the wrong person? Because I’ve been over it in my head again and again. I remember times that I covered for him. And I remember the campus police showing up at my door. They asked if he was there, if he’d been at some party the night before, and I can’t remember when that was. I told them I thought he was home the night before. I lied to the campus police and it might’ve been about her. There’s no coming back from that.”

“Somehow, I don’t think it’s as bad as you think it is.” He’s quiet for a moment. “And you can come back from anything if you’re willing to fight.”

Maybe. Maybe I could. But it’s not just me who has to be willing to fight. It’s Chelsea. After everything that’s happened, Iwouldn’t blame her if fighting for me is the last thing she’d ever want to do.

Miles left around midnight after some convincing from me that he’s more needed at the lake house.

It’s true.

But I also needed to be alone. I needed time to think.

That’s some bullshit, because I’ve done very little thinking.

Instead, I’ve stayed up half the night researching how arrest records affect your ability to get a job and talking myself out of calling or texting Chelsea even though I really, really want to.

Maybe tomorrow, I tell myself, as I finally throw my phone to the side and pull the covers over me, sinking into the cold loneliness.

Maybe tomorrow she’ll come home. But knowing my luck, things are only going to get worse.

24

Every Broken Piece

Chelsea

Walking out of mytherapist’s office, I feel myself stepping back into my power.

It’s going to take time to process everything, especially if this ends up in a court case, but that dark haze around me is lifting. I’m ready to do the work. More importantly, I’m ready to go home and face how Trevor is twisted up in all this now.

Home.

Not my family’s house. Our apartment. Trevor. Home is where he is.

I never wanted Trevor tangled up in all this, but the fact that his former roommate is the person who raped me means there’sno chance of himnotbeing wrapped up in it. Especially since he beat the shit out of him.

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