Page 189 of The Perfect Love

My heart breaks. I wish I had something to say to that, but I don’t. And maybe that’s a place where Sarah and I are similar because we both want to protect the people we love. We both blame ourselves for everything. We just go about it in different ways.

I flex my hand on the steering wheel, struggling for words, but still don’t find any.

We settle into silence after that, and my only goal now is to get her home and back to Joel in one piece. By tomorrow, she’ll be in a completely different state and want to fix this.

We’re more than halfway to the lake house when she grabs my arm.

“Trevor. Pull over.”

“What?”

“Stop the car. I’m going to be sick.”

“Of course you are.” Luckily, we’re on a country road, so it’s easy to pull over in some grass.

She flings the door open as I put the car in park, then she’s puking everywhere.

Again, that anger roils inside me. Because with all the love and support she has in her life, she’s still doing this shit. I reach over and pull her hair back as she continues puking.

“Jesus, Sarah. What the fuck are you doing?”

I let her hair go as she sits up and wipes her mouth, looking at me.

“Why is this your default?” I yell. So mad. At her. At myself. At fucking life. “Haven’t you learned by now this only hurts everyone else? I just don’t get it. I’m over here clinging to my relationship for dear life, praying that something I did before I even met her doesn’t end it, and you’re trying to throw away a relationship with a man who has loved you”—my voice breaks—“probably before I ever did.”

She shuts her door and leans back against the seat, tears trickling down her cheeks as I pull back on the road.

Maybe I shouldn’t have said that. Maybe it was too far. Maybe I shouldn’t have been the one to drag her ass out of that bar when I’m this ugly combination of hurting and pissed at the world. But she has to wake up and see what’s right in front of her. And I’m so mad that she has everything and is pissing itaway while there’s a good chance I’ve fucked up my life and my relationship, and I have no idea how to fix any of it. If I even can.

Sometime between the puke session and getting to the development the lake house is in, Sarah passed out. Not just sleeping, but drunk passed out. So when I get back to the lake house, I end up finagling her out of the car and carrying her up the stairs.

Joel swings the door open and runs out as I get to it, taking Sarah from my arms.

“What happened?”

Sarah is leaning into his chest and muttering something, half still sleepy drunk as I follow them into the house.

“She was at the bar doing shots.” I almost wince at my words. Joel is hurting, and it’s a pain I’ve been through. A pain I’m feeling again now—in a different way and on a whole new level. Only my pain is my own fucking fault. But as the person who wants to help my friends and make things okay, I tell him, “For what it’s worth, she feels bad. And she thinks it’s all her fault.”

“What else is new?” he mutters, then begins the process of taking her upstairs as I stand there, numbly, watching.

“Hey,” Rae says, stepping in front of me. “Thank you for bringing her back.”

“Of course.”

She looks at me for a moment, then gives me a quick hug before following Joel upstairs.

I close my eyes and lean against the closed door behind me, pinching the bridge of my nose. I’d laugh in misery over how fucked up this all is, but that makes me want to cry.

A hand clamps on my shoulder. “Thanks for finding her.”

I open my eyes and look at Aaron, who gives me a grateful smile.

No matter how annoyed I am at her behavior, it wasn’t going to stop me from looking for her. She was my best friend beforeshe was my girlfriend, and after our breakup, we found that friendship again. I don’t want to see her suffer. Just like I don’t want to see any of my friends suffer. If I can help, I always will. At least I can help someone, even if I can’t do shit about my own problems.

“It’s fine,” I say.

“But you’re not.”

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