Page 148 of The Perfect Love

“Hi,” she says quickly. She doesn’t look as withdrawn as she did earlier, and her expression is calm.

“Hi, I’m Chelsea. Did you want to talk? Can I help you with something?”

“I’m Maura, and I hope so. I was nervous coming here tonight, but not for the reason you’re probably thinking. I haven’t been through anything like this. That’s why I probably looked uncomfortable earlier. I felt like a fraud. But I wanted to check this out because I think… I don’t know for sure, but I think one of my friends may have been sexually assaulted or raped. I don’t know the right words. I don’t even know for sure, but… I want to help her.”

Melt my freaking heart.

That is real friendship.

And it hits me so hard I have to bite the inside of my cheek to keep from crying.

“First, I just want to say your friend is really lucky to have you. I know because I would’ve killed to have a friend like that when I was struggling. Second, is there something specific that makes you concerned?”

“She went to a party with a few friends from one of her classes. I usually go with her even though parties aren’t really my scene, but I had a paper due the next day that I’d slacked on. When it hit midnight and I hadn’t heard from her or seen her, I started texting her, but she didn’t respond and I stupidly forgot to ask where the party was. She didn’t get home until almost five in the morning, and when she walked through the door, she looked broken. When I asked if she was okay, she laid down next to me and cried. Then she refused to say anything about it. She’s tryingto pretend she’s okay, but I can tell she isn’t. Should I just ask her?”

“You might need to. But let me grab Rae. She kept it all to herself for much longer than I did, so it might be more helpful to get her thoughts.”

Maura nods.

I get Rae’s attention and after talking with Maura for a bit, we both agree she should create a safe space for her friend and gently ask her without being pushy. Maura leaves looking relieved and I let out a heavy breath.

“I wish I’d had a friend like that.”

Rae gives me a soft smile and squeezes my hand. “You do now. It’s not the same, but if you’re ever struggling with anything, all it’ll take is a text and we’ll all be there for you.”

I squeeze her hand back. “Back at you.”

My life hasn’t gone like I planned it would, butgratitude.

I’m unbelievably grateful for how far I’ve come and the direction my life is headed in now.

Trevor

Life never stops moving.

It feels both like mere days ago and another lifetime ago since Chelsea swayed into my life like a russet-haired goddess and stole my heart in one glance.

It feels like hours since I saw Hyla lying on that bathroom floor, but also like somehow months have passed. Especially when I talk to her. Her healing is evident in everything from her voice, to the weight she’s slowly gaining back, to the brightness that has returned to her eyes.

And now I’m on the track to healing more too.

I shouldn’t have let my mental health slip for so long. But the protective coping mechanisms I used started seeming too real, even to me.

My first meeting with my therapist earlier today proved that. Aaron recommended checking into the college counseling center as they usually have availability sooner than some private practices around here. There was a new therapist who just started this month. She’s around my mom’s age, and from her profile was neutral, kind, and not too pushy. At first I thought I’d want a male therapist, but the more I thought about it, the more I knew getting any kind of dad energy from one would mess with me more.

I made the right choice. My therapist—Colleen—was great at letting me talk but also helping to suss out my problem areas. In case it was unclear that I try to handle all my burdens alone and haven’t dealt with some of my past trauma. She also reframed my dad’s loss and pointed out that even though I went to therapy shortly after he died, that only helped me work through what losing my dad meant back then, not what losing him means to me now as a grown man. A mostly grown man. I still feel like a child some days, and I’m starting to think no one ever completely stops feeling that way. Which is why she encouraged me to tell my mom how I’ve held back, and make it a point to ask for her support. I’m still hesitant to do that—tell her how I’ve held back—because I don’t want her to think she did anything to cause that. But I will try harder to move past that protector mode and ask for more support from her.

I’m not expecting it to be easy, but I don’t think therapy is supposed to be easy or everyone would be doing it.

Although, a good chunk of my friends are doing it and I didn’t realize it. Apparently, therapy is good for you or something. Who knew?

It was a good session, and it left me feeling a little lighter, which I think means I’m heading in the right direction.

For the moment, I’m in the exact right place. The feeling of weight slipping away continues the second I set foot on the baseball field. The ground is frozen, and it’s cold as shit, but there’s no snow, so here we are, having our first practice outside. There’s nowhere I’d rather be.

A guy I don’t recognize but who also looks strangely familiar sets a few bags of gear near home plate as Aaron, Joel, Miles, and first baseman, Ricky, wander over.

“Who’s that?” I ask Aaron, but Ricky is the one who answers.

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