Page 43 of Beached Wedding

“A lot more than making the mortgage payment and driving me to soccer practice on Saturday. They both worked, but Gary never made my lunch, never dropped me at school, never stayed home when I was sick. He’s a good guy. He was trying to be a dad the only way he knew, but he didn’t have to be my dad at all. I look back and I can see he was expecting praise for his great sacrifice and never once saw that Vicky had dinner on the table every night and got the laundry folded while making sureI brushed my teeth. I was mad when they divorced. My life was unstable for years, but I can see why she decided taking care of one person would be a helluva lot easier than taking care of two.”

“Yet she remarried and had more kids with Mitchell.”

“Mitchell never did more as a parent than Gary did, either. But he’s rich enough that Vicky didn’t have to work outside the home. The imbalance between their contributions wasn’t as glaring. Personality-wise, they’re a way better fit.”

“And Gary’s wife? Stephanie is a doctor, isn’t she?”

“Dermatologist. After Michael, she hired a nanny so she could go back to work six weeks after giving birth to the other two. I’m not judging her. She’s just very type-A. It’s hard to be around someone wound that tight. I can’t help thinking there’s a difference between having it all and having too much.”

“You’re such a feminist.”

“And I have burned my bra to prove it.”

I was grinning as we settled back onto our even keel, but a strange poignancy tightened my throat, one I wasn’t ready to examine. I dropped a dollop of yogurt on my fruit cup and stirred it into mango, blueberries, and strawberries.

“I go back and forth on marriage.” Fox sounded introspective. “It’s something that will probably happen one day, but I’m not in a hurry. I’ve been focusing on making money, building the business. I refuse to bring a woman into my life just to have someone to pick up after me.” He glanced at me as though he knew he was maligning his best mate along with my willingness to put up with an untidy boyfriend.

Shane had needed a lot of managing. I had known that and thought the trade-off would be worth it. But what would I have gained? An exit out of Pine Grove and a decent job, but would that have been fair to Shane? Didn’thedeserve someone who felt more for him?

I was no longer hungry for the psychedelic fruit on my spoon.

“I always reckoned I’d get married when I found someone Ihadto marry. Not pregnant,” Fox hurried to add when my brows went up. “Someone I needed in my life every single day.”

“That’s sweet.” Romantic almost.

He looked sheepish. Maybe even blushing a little. We were both smiling in amusement, but something deeper. Our gazes seemed to be looked and my scalp prickled. The tingle continued all the way down my arms, tightening my breasts.

“What, um. What about kids?” I rubbed my arms, trying to erase the sensation. “Do you want a family?”

“Sometimes,” he said gravely. “I see someone like Oliver with Ryan and I think, yeah, I want that, but with the state of the planet, it seems irresponsible to bring anyone else on board. There are plenty of kids out there like me, who need a family, but there’s a part of me that wants, I don’t know. Someone who looks like me.”

His voice echoed with isolation. I’d never seen him look so somber. His soul was right here, hovering restlessly beneath the surface of his otherwise undisturbed demeanor, like a massive creature that almost poked through, then sank deep again before I was able to fully see it.

“Vain, right?” He dismissed his yearning with a twist of his lips.

“No. It’s human. I love when people think Fliss is my sister. Or my daughter.” I snickered.

“That happens? You would have been her age when you had her.”

“I was fourteen, but yeah. I love the scandalized glares.” My phone pinged and I glanced at the screen. “Speak of the devil. Fliss says Ryan is asking what time we’re going to the beach.”

“Didn’t see that coming, did we? Soon as we finish eating works for me.”

“I have to talk to Waiola first.”

He nodded and stole another potato, then another.

I was glad he would come with me to call off the wedding. I was really glad to be back to the solid foundation of our friendship, but a different clock had begun ticking in my head, one that counted down my remaining four days with him.

My options were as wide and endless as the ocean beyond the balcony rail, but I didn’t want unlimited options. I didn’t want to pursue wild goals in far flung fields.

I wanted to stay right here. In this moment. With him.

FOX

“Where did Auntie Ashley go?” Fliss was breathless as she staggered out of the surf clutching her surf board.

“Ryan needed the bathroom. You’re doing really good,” I told her.

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