Page 34 of Beached Wedding

“Mom—”

“No. Mock me for trying to teach you to get along on your own, rather than putting your future into someone else’s hands. Itisyour life as you so dearly love to tell me, butIwon’t exact a price later.”

Wouldn’t she?

“Do we really need to rip into each other right now?” Even as I said it, I heard it as the placating, back down, pleaser voice I had sworn to expunge from my soul. “What are you even angry about? That I didn’t listen to you in the first place? That you turned out to be right and I shouldn’t have trusted Shane and now look at the mess I have to clean up? It’smymess! I’m not here begging you to solve it for me. That’s why I’m not moving in here.”

“No, you’re letting him clean it up for you.”

“He caused it!”

We worked in thick silence for a few minutes, the clatter of dishes the only sound.

“I’m angry that you’ve been hurt and I wasn’t able to prevent it,” Mom admitted quietly. “Every time that happens, I feel inadequate and hate myself.”

I should have left him sooner, Mom had confided once, years ago, on a rare day when she’d had a couple of glasses of wine.He was becoming so moody. Drinking too much. But I thought he would change.

“You can’t protect me forever,” I said, rinsing soapy bubbles from a pot.

“But I want to.” Mom didn’t take the dripping pot. She shouldered the tea towel and set her arms around me and hugged me. “I’m sorry that you’re going through this. Shane’sparents are really nice and if he’s like them, I can see why you trusted him and thought marrying him could work. But I’m glad you’re coming home.” She gave me another squeeze and set a kiss on my cheek. “I like being able to keep an eye on you.”

I found a weak smile while a lump rose in my throat. “I love you, too, Mom.”

The lump stayed and an intense wave of sadness gripped me as I experienced a moment of blinding clarity.I didn’t want to go back to Pine Grove. Not to live.

FOX

“I’m sorry,” Ashley said beside me as we left the villa and started up the path to the hotel.

“For what?” The air was sweet and warm, the surf pounded in my ears and my belly was full of home cooking. In this moment, life was pretty damned good.

“For my family putting you on the spot. For making you endure an awkward dinner.”

“It wasn’t that awkward. And observing family dynamics is a bit of a spectator sport for me. I never felt like a member of my own so I’m always interested in how other families function.”

She halted to study me. “I didn’t know you felt like that.”

Oops. I was still a little dull in the head, jet-lagged and mellow. I was being more raw and honest than usual. For the most part, I shelved my family in the ‘modern blended’ section and let people make of it what they would. I didn’t bother wishing things had been different because history couldn’t be rewritten.

“Did I sound like I was whingeing? I didn’t mean to. Let’s go this way. I’m curious.” I pointed down a path that veered left, trying to deflect her.

“I didn’t think you were whingeing. I just think it’s funny you would look to us for how a family functions. Spoiler alert, we specialize in dysfunction.”

“Every family has its quirks. Even the families that look super solid from the outside have their fractures and stress points. Look at Eddie and Sandy. Losing their son and Sandy being so injured? It’s kind of amazing they made it through all that.”

“I know, right? And even though they all love each other, Shane always had this wall between himself and them.” She mimed an invisible one before her. “Is that just growing up? Why do we all feel so disconnected from our parents?”

“Do you feel disconnected from your mom? See, that’s what I find fascinating. To me it looks like you have a really deep connection with your mother and sister and niece.”

“All we do is bicker and pick at each other.”

“Yeah, but it’s all done with love.”

“You don’t think Vicky and Gary love you?” she asked very softly, but appalled hurt amplified her voice. Each syllable reverberated through me the way an earthquake would tremble the ground beneath my feet, threatening to knock me off balance.

“They do.” My chest felt tight, making it difficult to find a tone of voice that wasn’t strained or clipped. “In their way. It’s mostly obligation, though.”

“Do you really believe that?”

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