Page 10 of Beached Wedding

She blinked at me with weepy bewilderment.

“He wasn’t going to stick. Not for the long haul.” Not in the way she deserved.

“He never loved me? That’s what you’re saying? My whole relationship with him was a lie and I’m the idiot who didn’t see it?”

“Don’t.” I felt scraped hollow inside, seeing how hurt she was, but they’d really only had three months together, then three months apart. Did she really believe that was enough to base a lifetime commitment on?

“Shane thinks prettier than reality. You know that.” It was what made him such an excellent salesman and was a big reason why Togs and Boards was so successful. Everyone took the gulp of Kool-Aid Shane handed them and climbed aboard the train bound for pots of gold. Even me. “If he led you on, it wasn’t malicious. He always believes things will work out and lots of times they do.” Other times, I scrambled behind him to make sure whatever Shane had blindly promised didn’t bankrupt us.

“Butyouthought we’d wind up divorced. And that I would come afteryourcompany. So you blew up my marriage before we had a chance to fail.”

I didn’t see it that way, but, “Yeah, I guess I did.”

“Well, fuck you, Fox.”

She needed a punching bag. I accepted that. It still hurt like hell.

“I left my coffee in the car. I’ll wait for you there.” At least I’d had the sense to keep the key fob. I didn’t fancy walking the length of the island in this heat.

ASHLEY

My hair was definitely on fire. I definitely wanted to scream and cry and rage. I thought about pulling a Fox, stripping naked and wading into the ocean, but never coming back.

Why would he do this to me? Why?

Because he was Fox. He was forever catching my arm if we crossed a street together, in case I forgot to look for traffic on my right because they drove on the other side of the road in Australia. Shane was a heavy-pour kind of host while Fox always brought me a water if I had more than two glasses of alcohol. More often than not, he also brought me a burger or some other substantial meal to soak up whatever I was drinking.

I would love to say I was special, but Fox had dedicated his life to keeping Shane out of trouble, too. Shane was impulsive and wildly optimistic and never would have paid the mortgage on time if his fiscally-responsible housemate hadn’t looked after that pesky detail. Same with Togs and Boards. Shane was a geek for sports equipment and outdoor gadgets, but he would have made all the usual rookie mistakes of overextending during start-up if Fox hadn’t set budgets and limited their inventory.Foxhad had the idea to hire me to give their social media a shot in the arm in exchange for staying in their house for free.

I still wanted to kill him. What did Fox know about me and Shane?

More than I did, apparently, if Shane had confided to him that he didn’t want to marry me without informingme.

I shouldn’t be surprised that his parents had pressured him into proposing, either. His, ‘What do you think? Should we get married?’ hadn’t exactly brimmed with loving sentiment.

I’d been stunned that he’d said that much. That he hadcaredthat much. Shane could have anyone. Why me? I mean, there’s nothing wrong with me that a little therapy wouldn’t cure. I’m plump in the rear and lean in the self-esteem, but I’m nice. I’m cute. I can be funny.

But Shane is an intrepid, entrepreneurial, barrel-chasing surfer where I’m a prairie girl who can hardly swim. Not in rolling waves, anyway. Shane isn’t afraid to break rules whereas I abide by the speed limit. I would wet myself before I’d use a handicapped stall and I’m chronically apologetic. Which I’m working on.

I’m working on all of it because if Shane’s best friend had abandoned him a week into his three-month trip of a lifetime, Shane wouldn’t have clung to the handful of people he had just met. He would have struck out on his own, making friends and having spur-of-the-moment adventures along the way.

I’m sotiredof being predictable, practical, timid little Ashley. That’s why I went to Australia in the first place. I was trying really hard to make bold choices and live my life with courage, the way people like Shane and Izzy and Fox did.

So I had answered Shane’s tepid proposal with a fervent, “Yes!”

Did IloveShane? Maybe not the way I had always hoped to love someone, but the soul mate mythology has been extensivelytested by my sister and proven largely self-delusional. Shane is a solid guy with a real job who respects and appreciates me. I least, that’s what I’d believed at the time. He made me laugh and told me I looked pretty and made me feel needed and valued. What more could anyone want in a life partner?

What had he wanted that I don’t possess? That’s what really gnawed at me. I wasn’t super confident, but I’m not fully insecure, either. Maybe I was never an A student, but I’m a solid B plus. Same as my cup size, incidentally. And I’m a team player. I worked very hard to look out for Shane’s business, taking on its success as a personal mission.

I sniffed, realizing that fresh tears were filling my sinuses. I had been crying when I pulled off the highway while Fox slept, but that had been panic at being lost and generalized overwhelm. As soon as I talked to Shane, I kept telling myself, everything would get ironed out. All I needed to do was get to the hotel. Fox would help me get Shane on the phone and we’d persuade him to show up.

That wasn’t going to happen, though. This was real. And Fox wasn’t on my side. He didn’twantme to marry his best friend. Because he thought I’d go after their business if and when Shane and I fell apart. That hurt. A lot. Not just Fox’s lack of faith in our relationship, but his lack of faith inme. I had done a ton of things to support Togs and Boards. I redesigned their whole website. What about that?

I was somad. At Fox and Shane and myself.

But so what? Being angry or sad or so humiliated I wanted to dig myself into a hole in the ground had never done a damn thing to change my circumstances. I had still had to get up and look at Mom over the breakfast table and face my teachers and fellow students and skeptical social workers. Life happened and you had to roll with it.

So I tried to think constructively. I had to tell my family that the wedding was off. Then what? Go back to Pine Grove and start over there?

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