Page 327 of Heat of the Everflame

And our story was still being written.

“Please, Mother,” I begged. “Aren’t you tired of carrying this alone?”

My words struck a chord, and a deep, soul-weary sigh rushed out of her lips. “Yes, I am.”

She shifted on the log until our shoulders were square, then took my hands. Her chin lifted as she summoned strength to her voice. “You know I served many years in the army before you were born.”

I nodded. “That’s where you trained as a healer.”

“Yes... and no.” Her brows pinched. “I wasn’t just a healer, Diem. I was a spy.”

My back straightened. “What do you mean, aspy?”

“They recruited me very young. I wanted to do something important with my life, and they convinced me I could do that by serving the Crowns. For a poor mortal girl, it felt like the chance of a lifetime.”

I hadn’t thought it was possible to have evenmorequestions. “Who did you spy on?”

“The Guardians, mostly. Occasionally they would send me to a powerful Descended with a fetish for mortal women, or a well-connected family who needed a mortal healer for their children, but even when I was spying on Descended, it always seemed to lead back to the rebels in the end.”

“You broke the healer’s vow?” I asked, unable to hide my scorn. Perhaps I had no right to judge her after what I’d done at House Benette, but so much of my shame from that day had come from a fear that, when I broke my vow, I’d really betrayedher. “You taught me that nothing is more sacred than that oath.”

“Itissacred,” she insisted.

“But you still broke it. When you were the palace healer, you spied on Luther and his family, didn’t you?”

She stiffened. “I never spied on a patient. And healers also vow to save as many lives as we can. What I did at the palace was in service of that.”

“So we pick and choose which vows to keep?” I knew I was being unfair, but it was a bitter wound to see her lack of remorse for her choices after months of agonizing over mine.

“I may have made mistakes, Diem, but I’ve always done what I believed was right at the time. In this world, right and wrong are not always so easily distinguished.”

I swung away from her and rubbed at my face. When I offered nothing else, she sighed and tentatively went on.

“I was good at being a spy, and I earned the notice of the Fortos King. But I was also building relationships in the Guardians, and I began to agree with their ideals. One day, I broke down and told the Guardians the truth. The leader at the time asked me to use my position in the army to spy for them instead—and I accepted. I kept them ahead of the army’s movements and passed along false information to waste the King’s time.”

“He would have killed you if he’d caught you.”

She huffed a laugh. “Hardly a day has gone by where I have not done something to risk my own life. I tried to discourage you from turning out the same.” She gave me a sad smile. “I fear you may have inherited that quality nevertheless, my brave little warrior.”

I pushed the heels of my palms against my brow. So much of this made perfect sense in hindsight. She and I had similar natures, with our stubborn, fiery spirits and our passion for doing good. But it also made no sense at all. Auralie Bellator wasn’t aspy. She was a wife and mother—and when she’d become those things, she’d left excitement behind. She lived a quiet, simple life.

And yet she hadn’t. And as much as I wanted to blame her lies for concealing it, a nagging thought wondered if my own prejudices weren’t partly at fault. Perhaps I’d seen in her what I’d expected to see—what society had told me to see—instead of the complex, nuanced woman she truly was.

“One day,” she continued, “the Fortos King approached me for a mission of the highest secrecy. He’d heard rumors that rebels had found a way onto Coeurîle. He wanted me to hide alone there for one year to find out what they were doing. I knew from my Guardian connections the rumors were false, but I couldn’t turn it down without raising suspicion. And it was a priceless opportunity—no mortal had been allowed on the island in centuries.”

“Why a year? And why send a mortal?”

“At first, I thought it was a loophole in his authority—perhaps he could deploy mortal soldiers more freely than Descended. But he smuggled me to the island on Forging Day when he was coming for the annual ritual, and he retrieved me a year later the same way. He also ordered me to stay hidden from the army ships patrolling from the sea. He didn’t want anyone knowing I was there, even the other Crowns.” Her expression turned grave. “Then he gave me a godstone knife to take with me, and I realized he suspected a Crown was helping the rebels. He hoped I’d catch them in the act and kill them.”

I frowned. “I don’t understand. What does any of this have to do with my birth father?”

“When I got to the island, I began exploring, and I stumbled on a hidden door near the Temple. It was nearly invisible, grown over with weeds.” Her eyes wandered. “To this day, I’m not sure why I did what I did next. So much might have been different...”

“What did you do?”

“I called out and asked if anyone was inside. It was completely foolish. This was the most secure place in Emarion,and the door looked like it hadn’t been opened in generations. Even if someone had once been there, surely they wouldn’t still be alive.” Her gaze snapped to mine. “But then a voiceanswered back.”

“Someone elsewas on the island?”

---