Teller’s heart was forgiving by nature, and if he did blame me, I doubted he’d ever admit it. He held me as I cried myself to sleep, and he allowed me to do the same for him.
But I knew.
I still hadn’t told him what I’d learned about our mother, and every night, I laid awake agonizing over that decision. The prospect of seeing her again was a hope he badly needed, but if something happened before she could return... I could not bear to make Teller grieve her loss a second time. Especially not now.
Though time had stopped ticking for the two of us, the rest of the world moved cruelly on. The missed schoolwork Lily brought home for Teller began to pile up, and although the House Receptions had paused while I mourned, if I delayed them any longer, I would be forced to extend the Period of Challenging another thirty days.
I would have welcomed that, but one evening, Teller broke down in tears and confessed that he was suffocating with anxiety over the Challenging, and he could not truly breathe again until it was over. There was no sacrifice I would not make to spare my brother further pain.
So today we would both claw our way out of our dark pits and face this broken new world.
“Are you sure?” I asked as Teller rifled through a pile of clothing Eleanor had gathered for him. “I’ll talk to the school if you need more time.”
“I can’t miss any more class. Losing my notes put me too far behind as it is.”
Fresh guilt tore through me. His school notes, filed into the drawers of his desk at home, had been reduced to cinders. Yet another thing I’d taken from him.
“I can walk with you to school, if you want,” I offered. “Just like old times.”
“I’m walking with Lily,” he said brusquely before disappearing into his new bedroom to change.
With our home destroyed and nowhere else to go, Teller had been forced to move into the palace. There were several smaller bedrooms in my royal suite—a relic of the harems of past Crowns—and I had insisted he take one so he could remain under the watch of Sorae and my now significantly increased contingent of guards.
I suspected he’d rather stay in the family wing with the others his age, but until our father’s murderer was caught, I could hardly stand to let him out of my sight.
“I can make the Corbois cousins give you their notes,” I called out, “or I can have the school delay your exams, or arrange for tutoring, or—”
“Diem.” Teller reemerged from his room with a stern expression. “Enough.”
Something had changed in him these past few days. He looked so much older now, the boyish lightness gone from his features, as if our father’s death had shoved him firmly into manhood.
And that voice... the Commander’s voice.
The strong set of his jaw, the deep command in his tone—suddenly it was not my brother standing in front of me, but my father.
My shoulders shook as a sob broke free and rattled the pile of shards where my heart once sat.
Teller tugged me into his arms. “We’ll get through this,” he whispered, his own voice beginning to crack.
I nodded and pulled back to see fresh tears brimming in his eyes, still swollen from days of weeping. “You reminded me so much of him just now.”
“Because I raised my voice?”
“Because you were begging me to stop annoying you,” I said, and we shared a quiet laugh between our sniffles.
“Comparing me to him is the best compliment you could ever give me,” he said gently. “Even if it is for losing my patience.”
A knock on the door brought the arrival of Lily, with Luther, Taran, Eleanor, and Alixe in tow. I hadn’t talked to any of them since my father’s death, other than a few murmured words of thanks as they took turns bringing up food and other supplies.
I couldn’t even look at them. Every pair of blue eyes reminded me of those blood-inked words.
Mortal lover.
Half-breed.
Rebel scum.
I knew none of them would have ever hurt my father. But until I uncovered who had, I was having a hard time not seeing every Descended as a threat.