Page 101 of Spark of the Everflame

I set my finger down. “There,” I murmured, my throat going dry. “The hole is there.”

The paper was yanked out from under my hand, followed by furious scribbling and hushed discussion I made no effort to decipher.

It hit me that Lana, the trainee healer who had accompanied Maura and I that day, had seen the secret entrance, and she was a Guardian, too. If these men didn’t know about it already, she had chosen not to tell them. Whatever other vows she may have broken for them, she’d kept that one.

And I hadn’t.

I honed my thoughts on all the souls destroyed by the Descended’s disregard for mortal lives: Henri’s mother. The boy Henri had seen trampled by the Descended on horseback. The woman and child in the alley. All the children killed by the progeny laws. Countless neighbors and classmates and patients.

My own mother, maybe.

War is death and misery and sacrifice, my father had warned me.War is making choices that will haunt you for the rest of your days.

“I can go back this evening and try again,” I offered. “I can try to slip into the palace at night. If they don’t know I’m there, then maybe...”

My voice trailed off. I didn’t honestly believe I could get in and out of the palace without being caught, but at least if I went, any consequences of using the hidden entrance would be on my shoulders alone.

“You’ve done enough, Sister.” Vance crouched in front of me and gave my shoulder a light pat. “Your information has once again proven to be extremely valuable.”

My heart raced faster.

“No, really—let me try again. I can do it this time. I can—”

“You’re not ready.” Brant leaned back and crossed his arms. He was still frowning at me, but his demeanor had shifted. “You’re brave, I’ll admit, but your strategy today was amateur. Anyone could have told you that plan wouldn’t work.”

“What Brother Brant means to say,” Vance cut in, “is that you have only recently joined us. We have much we can teach you. In time, you could be one of our best, but for now...”

“You’re not ready,” Brant repeated.

Vance smiled tightly, but he nodded in agreement.

I rose from my chair, feeling the burn of embarrassment color my cheeks. The three men stood, as well. Vance’s hand moved to my upper back and nudged me toward the door. Trying to get rid of me.

“You should be proud of yourself,” he said. “At the next meeting, we’ll let the others know what a great risk you took.”

“No,” I blurted, a little too loudly. “Please—don’t say anything.” Vance’s brows rose, so I quickly added, “I’m not interested in credit. I... I just want to make a difference.”

He gave me an approving smile as he pushed me toward the exit to the alley. “Sister Diem, I have a feeling what you’ve done will make even more of a difference than you realize.”

That was exactly what I was afraid of.

* * *

Henri was waitingfor me outside the Guardians’ meetinghouse. He evidently noted my gloomy mood, because he didn’t say anything at first. He clasped my hand and walked alongside me on the path toward our respective homes.

“How did it go?” he asked after a few minutes.

“The mission or the meeting with them?”

“Either one. Both.”

“Badly.”

“Which one?”

“Either one. Both.”

He lightly bumped me with the side of his arm. “You’re still alive and in one piece, so it must not have been too bad.”

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