Page 53 of In Bed with a Highland Beast

What was done was done. There was no taking back the betrayal, the pain, the anger. There was no changing what Lucia had done to bring them to that moment.

“I… I cannae bear tae be around ye,” Alaric said. There was nothing more for him to say. He could make no promises norcould he give her a reassurance. He needed time and space; he needed to be far away from her. “I must think.”

As he spoke, he made his way out once more and was not surprised when Lucia didn’t even attempt to stop him. Before he left, though, he paused by the door and turned to look at her, swallowing around the knot in his throat.

“Dinnae leave the castle,” he said. “Promise me. It isnae safe out there, Callum an’ the Ravencloaks are still here.”

Lucia nodded wordlessly, wringing her fingers nervously. Suddenly, she seemed much smaller than usual, as though her entire body had deflated. Gone was the pride with which she always carried herself. In its place, there was nothing but guilt and fear.

It seemed like an empty promise to Alaric, but he had to trust she would listen to him and stay within the castle walls. Lucia may have been impulsive and controlling, but she was no fool and he hoped that even though she was driven by revenge, she would realize just how dangerous it was to leave the castle all alone.

With that one final warning, Alaric left the room and closed the door behind him. He hoped that once he returned later that night, Lucia would be long gone, confined within her own chambers, but until then, he would spend his hours elsewhere.

The castle was still up in chaos, the attack still fresh and its effects still felt. Though the soldiers had managed to put out allthe fires, there was still much to be done and discussed, and Alaric knew no one would be getting any sleep that night. With that thought in mind, he made his way to Evan’s study, thinking that he would surely find him there. When he opened the door he saw him, Bonnie, and Isabeau, all of them with a drink in hand, looking weary and haggard—more so than Alaric had seen them in a long time.

If the looks of concern they gave him, though, were any indication, he thought he must have looked worse than all three of them.

“What is the matter with ye?” Evan asked, always the one to get straight to the point. “Why dae ye look like that? Are ye hurt?”

“Nay,” said Alaric with a sigh as he walked over to the desk and poured himself some wine in a spare cup from the silver tray that stood there, next to a pile of documents.

“Is Lucia hurt?” Isabeau asked. At the mention of her name, Alaric almost spilled the wine as his hand trembled, but he took a deep breath and managed to compose himself, before he downed the entire cup and promptly refilled it.

“She’s fine,” he said. “But she… she isnae who we thought she was.”

Evan, Bonnie, and Isabeau all stared at him in confusion, though no one prompted him to say more. They all knew he would explain, he only needed some time.

Collapsing onto the last empty chair in the room, one that stood near the window that overlooked the courtyard where the soldiers were still running around and patrolling, making sure no one from the Ravencloaks would come within the walls, Alaric took another swig of his wine. For a while, he stared at the soldiers in the courtyard in silence, until he managed to gather his thoughts enough to tell his family everything that had happened—how Lucia had sought out revenge for her brother’s death, how she had helped him when he was part of the Ravencloaks, how she had used Alaric to get what she wanted.

“Even after everythin’… she still lied tae me fer so long,” Alaric said as he finished his explanation of the events that had led them all to that night. “She kent how much the clan means tae me. An’ she claimed, she still claims that she loves me, but how can she love me when she has lied tae me this whole time? How can she say that? How can she expect me tae believe her?”

An’ does it matter if I dae? Even if she loves me as she claims, she still lied. She still used me. I could never trust her again.

The three of them listened to his story quietly. Alaric didn’t miss the way Isabeau averted her gaze, fidgeting with the embroidered edge of her sleeve. Alaric knew that in the short time she and Lucia had known one another, they had also grown fond of each other, and he could only imagine that this was hard on Isabeau, too—finding out that a woman she had considered a friend had brought such sorrow to their lives, especially her brother’s.

“I suppose ye must decide what is more important tae ye,” said Evan after a short pause. “Yer pride or the lass ye love.”

Alaric considered his brother’s words. It was true that he loved Lucia. He loved her more than he ever thought possible and he had hoped for a long and happy future with her, but he knew what the right decision was. He couldn’t be selfish. He couldn’t even consider the possibility of forgiving her. He could only focus on making amends and trying to help his clan as much as he could, even if it meant he would never find true happiness again.

After all, he didn’t even know if he could forgive her, despite the feelings he still had for her.

There was only one way forward and he had to take it, along with the pain.

CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

After leaving Alaric’s chambers, Lucia had returned to her own. She was perched on the edge of the bed, and hadn’t moved a single muscle since she had sat down. She didn’t know how much time had passed. The room was just as dark now as when she had first entered it, illuminated by nothing but the fire that burned in the fireplace and whatever light poured in through the window from the torches the solders carried with them as they patrolled the grounds. Outside, she could still hear the bustle of people as everyone assessed the damage done to the castle by the Ravencloaks and kept an eye out for any signs of them approaching once more.

I did this. I brought them here.

Perhaps it had been Alaric’s idea and decision to come to the castle, but Lucia had said nothing against it. She hadn’t tried to warn him nor had she tried to dissuade him, even if she had always known the Ravencloaks would follow them. Now that they had caught their scent, they wouldn’t rest until both of them were dead.

She had known all this, and yet she had retreated to the safety of Castle MacGregor. Even now, even after all the guilt at the thought that she had been using Alaric and lying to him, she was still acting like a coward, following Alaric’s orders to stay inside the castle, where she would be safe.

He had been right, she thought. She could have gone after Callum on her own and perhaps she could have even managed to kill him, but she had not had the guts to do it alone. That was why she had turned to Alaric in the first place and why she had dragged him into all this. Had she been braver, had she believed in herself and her skills more, then none of this would have happened. No one would have attacked Clan MacGregor. Their food storages would still be full of grain and there would be no concerns of famine.

And, of course, she would have never met Alaric. In a way, she would have considered that a blessing. At least if they had never met, she would have never known the pain that now tore her up from the inside, as insidious as it was unbearable, a feeling worse than any physical injury she had ever sustained. It was the kind of ache from which she feared she would never recover, much like the ache that came with Ronan’s death. This, too, was a loss. No matter how much time passed, these were wounds that would never heal.

I am a fool. What would Ronan think about me if he kent what I’ve done?

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