Page 25 of It's Only Make Believe

In hindsight, it was a bad move, but it’s done now, and I can hardly just rock up and tell the truth now. I should never have kissed Luke. It doesn’t matter that it was the sort of kiss I have only ever dreamed of before now. It doesn’t matter that my pussy was instantly wet for him and that my clit is still tingling now at the thought of the kiss. It doesn’t matter that I want tothrow him on the ground and ride him. What matters is that I can’t do any of that and I was the one to instigate the kiss which makes it even worse, but I have to say something. I have to let Luke know we can’t do that again.

I’m aware of the cab behind me, waiting for me to get in, but this has to come first. I can’t not say this now, because if I don’t say it now, I don’t think I’ll have the courage to say it later and … For fuck’s sake, why is everything such a fucking mess? Urgh.

“Shit, Luke, I’m so sorry. I don’t know what came over me. Please forgive me,” I say.

“Don’t worry, there’s nothing to forgive,” Luke says. “Mistakes happen. And yes, it was a fun mistake, but that doesn’t mean we have to repeat it.”

“Thank you for not making this more awkward than it already is,” I say.

I’m partly relieved that he has taken it so well, but there is a part of me that is kind of gutted. That part of me wanted him to tell me it wasn’t a mistake and that it most definitely will happen again. Maybe if he had chosen to fight for me a little bit, I could convince myself my name doesn’t matter. Because that’s the only part of me that’s fake. The rest is all me. And once my internship is up, I can tell Luke the truth, and maybe he’ll just laugh about it. But now all of that is off the table because he thinks the kiss was a mistake too. A nice mistake as he put it, but still a mistake.

“Good night, Louisa,” Luke says, and I take my cue and get into the cab, looking back over my shoulder and giving him one last sad smile before I do.

I give the cab driver my address and he puts the car into drive and pulls away and heads off towards my building. I look out of the window, watching the buildings pass me by, but I’m not seeing them. Not really. Instead, I’m back outside of the bar, and I’m kissing Luke, and he is kissing me back and everything isperfect. And when I say it’s a mistake and apologize, he tells me that’s not true, and he pulls me in and kisses me again.

All the way home, all of the time I’m getting ready for bed, and all of the time I spend trying to drift off to sleep, I’m thinking of Luke and specifically, that kiss. The way I felt inside when we kissed is like nothing I have ever felt before and I want – no I need – to feel that way again. That kiss has awoken something inside of me, something that had no right to be awake, and I know that what I feel for Luke is way more than a crush. I am in so much trouble here, because I have allowed myself to fall way too deep into something that can never even happen, with someone who doesn’t want it to happen. Isn’t that just a great ending to the night.

Chapter

Seventeen

LUKE

Iwalk into the lobby and the first person I see is Louisa. I was determined to let last night go and be professional, but looking at her now, I don’t think I can do that. Us kissing wasn’t a mistake. I don’t know why Louisa said it was, because no one kisses someone like that if they aren’t feeling it. Maybe she panicked that I wasn’t into her and said it hoping I would argue the point. I agreed that it was a mistake because I was still telling myself it couldn’t happen but fuck it. I don’t care that her father is on the board of directors anymore, and if me being with his daughter means he votes against me, then so be it, because that woman is going to be mine.

I start towards her, but then I realize that she isn’t alone, and the man she’s walking with isn’t a member of my staff. He could be someone from one of the other companies in the building, but I don’t recognize him at all and as Louisa reaches the elevator, the man kisses her on the cheek and turns to leave. So, he doesn’t work here then.

I feel anger swirling inside of me at the thought of someone else getting to touch Louisa, getting to kiss her and hold her. What the fuck? Is this why she said our kiss was a mistake? Because she has a boyfriend? The thought sends another spear of anger through me, and I force myself to think about something else before I really lose my temper and make a fool of myself right here in the lobby.

I can’t shake off my anger. I have felt it all day since I saw that bastard kiss my woman. Yes, it was only her cheek, but it still has me reeling. I know Louisa has done nothing wrong really, but I feel like she has betrayed me.

At no point did she tell me she was single and even the kiss is really a betrayal of her boyfriend, not me. Maybe I could argue that she led me on a bit, but maybe she thought the flirting we were doing was just in fun.

Nothing I tell myself helps though. It doesn’t make me any less pissed off, and it doesn’t make me any less interested in being with Louisa. Boyfriend or no boyfriend, I want that woman, hell I need that woman. This has gone way beyond lust; last night I felt like we really connected on a level beyond that. And seeing her this morning just cemented that idea.

There’s a knock on my office door, and I shout come in, pleased that there is going to be a distraction from my thoughts of Louisa. The door opens and it seems that it won’t be a distraction after all as Louisa herself walks in.

She looks every bit as good as she always does, and I know I can’t let her walk away. But what can I do? I can’t actually force her to leave her boyfriend. Or maybe I can. We’d be so good together. She should be with me.

“Sit down,” I say, and Louisa does. “What can I do for you?”

She lifts up her hand and puts a sheet of paper I hadn’t noticed on my desk.

“Karl asked me to bring this to you and have you review it and sign it,” she says. “He says it’s too important to sit on the receptionist’s desk forgotten in some in tray.”

“Does he now?” I snap. “And since when did he start calling the shots and telling me what to do?”

Louisa squirms in her seat looking visibly uncomfortable and I instantly regret snapping at her. I remind myself again that she hasn’t done anything to justify me being a dick to her, and especially in this scenario. If I am to be mad at anyone for this, it should be Karl. The fact I’m not mad at Karl tells me it’s personal and I don’t want to bring that to the office.

“Sorry,” I grunt. “I realize you’re just the messenger.”

She looks a bit more relaxed at that and as much as I didn’t much like saying it, I feel like it was the right thing to do, and I’m glad Louisa looks a bit more comfortable.

Chapter

Eighteen

TIA

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