Page 27 of Midnight Surrounds Us

“Can I tell you somethin’?” I whispered because what I wanted to say was entirely too scary to admit, and if I spoke too loudly, I might ruin the magic.

I couldn’t bear that. It had been so long since I’d experienced anything remotely this magical, with Rye’s eyes on me and the twinkle lights he’d taken the time to set up for me illuminating the dark forest.

Was the magic coming from Rye? Or was it because someone finally wanted me physically? I had to be honest with myself; it felt amazing, and it was trying to make me brave.

“You can tell me anything,” he said softly.

“I… I don’t understand what I’m feelin’ right now.”

He whispered back, his mouth hovering beside my cheek. “What’re you feelin’?”

Still staring up at the stars, I didn’t dare move my head or even my eyes. If he looked in them, I’d lose my nerve.

“I feel…” Clearing my throat, I licked my lips. “I want…”

His breath rushed out in a warm puff that caressed my neck, and he lifted our hands onto my stomach, low, over the waistband of my jeans.

Pressing down lightly, his fingers flexed around mine, but he let go and slid his hand to my hip, his elbow expertly placed to elicit more of the want he kept talking about. “What do you want, Aubrey?”

“Oh God.”

What the fuck was I doing?You’re a mother! You’re old. You cannot be serious right now.

But my heart waspounding. Lungs pumping. Aw shit. Heart attacks happened younger in women than in men. Maybe I was having?—

“Before you freak out about it, this ain’t part of our deal, but it’s just you and me here, Aubrey. We can be together right now, live forever in this moment, if you just say the words.”

Oh Jesus, when he said my name like that, over and over, tingles spread from the base of my throat to all kinds of inconvenient places.

But what would people think?

“Say it, Aubrey,” he rasped in my ear, the scruff below his mouth tickling my jaw.

I dared to peek at his face, and I wasn’t sorry I did. His eyes, so blue, seemed darker somehow, and his eyelashes hid them from me slightly when he blinked slowly, like he wasn’t freaking out like I was. The sharp cut of his jaw flexing with tension was the only thing giving him away.

I imagined his mouth on mine again. From our kiss earlier, I knew his lips were soft. He parted them as I stared at them, and I moaned softly. He could destroy me between my legs with that mouth.

“Say the words,” he begged, nuzzling his nose beneath my ear.

Shivering at his touch, I whispered, “I don’t think I can. It’s been so long.” And now drivel came out of my mouth. “I can’t orgasm. I haven’t had a good orgasm in, God, over ten years. Not one that makes me lose my mind. Every time I get the opportunity, I get so stressed out, and I hate my body. I’m in menopause, Rye. Like, this is real old-lady shit, and it’s all I can think about, and I can’t come! What’s the point of sex if you can’t come?”

I gasped when I realized what I’d just said, and I wanted to crawl underneath his truck and then beg him to run me over. Covering my face with my hands, I contemplated crying or screaming. Either would’ve been appropriate.

But I didn’t get the chance, because when I peeked out around my fingers, he was above me, his legs straddling mine, and the look in his eyes was feral.

“The point of sex, with orwithoutan orgasm, is to feel good. To make the person you’re with feel good. Stress release. Cure for anxiety. It’s a way to tell someone you love them. Take your pick, but if you say what I’ve waited my whole adult life to hear,I will make you come so fuckin’ hard the stars in the sky will disappear.”

“Y-you don’t understand.”

Pulling my hands away from my face gently, he locked his eyes on mine. He clasped both my wrists in one hand, and in the slowest, sexiest gliding movement, slid his other hand into my jeans, beneath my underwear. “Don’t I?”

“I don’t even know if I…” I groaned miserably. “This is so embarrassin’, but I don’t even know if I can get wet enough for you. I’ve heard that, you know, that older women have trouble?—”

The little breath I’d been able to drag into my lungs rushed out of me as he cupped his hand over my pussy possessively.

“You ain’t that old.” The quiet growl rising from deep within his chest made my barren insides clench with anticipation. “And you’replentywet for me.”

All the fear and anxiety I’d held in for ten years, the disgust I had for my mom body, my menopausal and cancer-surviving body, it all swirled so quickly inside my head that I felt dizzy again.

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