Page 71 of Midnight Surrounds Us

“How’d you sleep last night?” he asked, dropping his hat upside down on the counter as he followed me to the back room, and he reached out to touch my shoulder.

“Rye,” I said, flipping on the overhead lights, “we need to talk.”

When I turned to face him, he saw the defeat and sadness on my face, and he took a step back.

“Naw, Spitfire. Don’t you do it.”

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

RYE

Gettingready for a cattle drive was always busy, but this year was worse ’cause of my plan to take a step away to drive up to Oregon, and ’cause it was my last drive on my dad’s land. Soon, I’d have my own herd to worry about.

I’d come this morning to kiss and hold Aubrey before I left to meet with some of the farmers I’d been calling and emailing for the better part of a year, but a week had gone by since I’d last seen her, and it had been a mistake to stay away. I’d thought giving her time with her boys would help all three of them, but now I saw that all it had done was give Aubrey time to doubt us.

She fought tears, her throat tightening and working to contain the storm trying to spill out. “Rye, I have to. Micah and Benji aren’t ready for this.”

My hands fisted at my sides. I wanted to roar! Her husband had been gone ten years, but here he was between us, and through her boys, she was still letting Tommy treat her like his property from the grave.

Or was that just her excuse? Had she become another person who thought I couldn’t handle what needed to be handled? Did shestillsee me as a kid? Or was she so used to feeling sadness that she couldn’t fathom a life without it?

“Dammit, woman. You’re just gonna walk away? Why? Because I’m not him? I don’t bring you heartache, so you don’t want me? That’s pretty fucked up.”

She shook her head, and damp strands of her hair fell out of the loose ponytail she’d pulled them into. They whispered forward over her shoulders, drawing my eyes to her neck, and I watched as she swallowed hard.

“No. That’s not what I’m doin’, but maybe it’s not the right time. Maybe we could just take a step back? You have the new business to focus on, and I need to rebuild mine. I haven’t even fulfilled my part of the bargain. I didn’t help you at all. Aren’t you mad at me?” She was trying hard now to come up with a reason to let me go. “This isn’t even real. You’re the one who said it. You’re the one who said we should ‘fakedate.’”

Fake? I rolled my eyes. Still trying to cling to that distinction wouldn’t work, and she knew it. I didn’t usually go around telling women I loved them if what I felt was fake.

“Let’s you and I be clear here, Spitfire. You helped me more than you’ll ever know. Your belief in me is worth a fuck of a lot more than five-thousand dollars, but it was never about that for me. Don’t act like you didn’t know it. I’m beggin’ you here. You’re lettin’ your boys treat you the same way their dad did. You don’t deserve that.”

“I’m scared, Rye. I don’t know who to be. Don’t you get that? I’m not ready for this, for you and me.”

“You and me?” I said, trying hard to rein in the panic I felt to lose her. She was all I’d ever wanted. “Maybe you didn’t ever expect to feel it again, but our love is one for the ages. That’s what’s been goin’ on since the night I picked you up in my truck and turned your light back on, when midnight surrounded us and the spring air kissed us.

“We’ve been fallin’ in love, in case you missed it. It feels scary to you, I know, a little bit out of control, but that’s what love is, baby. It’s takin’ a chance.”

“I’m too old for?—”

“That’s a load of horse shit, and youknowit. And your boys are grown. They can handle this if you can, and Iknowyou can. And don’t you even try to bullshit me,” I said, swinging my arm behind me. “You’re just as big a romantic as I am. It’s why you love all these books.Nobody’stoo old for love, and there’s no one in this world who deserves it more than you. You deserve a man to worship you, to tell you how much he loves you. You deserve a man to do for you the way you’ve always done for the men in your life.

“Iamthat man,” I promised.

She shook her head again. She was trying to talk herself out of loving me. She was afraid to love me.

“I’ve been alone a long time. Maybe I’m just not cut out for this—” She waved her hand between us. “For us. You didn’t ask me if I was ready for it all to bereal.”

“It’s been real since day one and you know it in your bones. And now you’re askin’ me to let you go, to walk away from the most powerful thing I’ve ever felt? What, because of a little fear? I can’t do that.”

There was no way I’d let her do it either.

“But here’s what Iamprepared to do.”

The look of trepidation on her face made my lungs seize up. I pressed my hand to my heart, trying to make it work again.

I wanted to give her what she wanted, but what she thought she wanted was ridiculous.

“You’re right,” I said. “You need to get things straight in your head and your heart, and I’m drivin’ over to Oregon when I leave here, like I told you about, but I’ll be back for the drive. It’s my last hoorah at G&S. I’ll expect you to be there. Ihopeyou’ll bethere. And if you’re not, then I guess… I guess I’ll need to figure out what love means all over again.

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