Page 79 of If the Ring Fits

Rowena lifts her head, her eyes red-rimmed but shining with joy. “There’s a baby in me, Adrian.” She moves her palm to her stomach. “A perfect, healthy baby.”

I cover her hand with my own, feeling the slight swell of her belly. “I know, I saw.” I chuckle, keeping the mood light.

She smiles, that radiant, heart-stopping smile that never fails to take my breath away. I have to hold myself in check not to lean down and capture her lips in a kiss.

I will not kiss her. Not here. Not now. But I can no longer deny I want this, her, us, the baby. Nor can I forget how selfish these wants are. A deluge of breakup lines from my past relationships ring in my ears: absent… always distracted… emotionally unavailable… never felt so lonely… just an afterthought… ignoring my feelings… putting your career first… missing in action… never truly committing… failing to be there when I needed you… taking me for granted… making me feel invisible…

I never want Rowena to feel invisible or neglected or second to anything, but can I manage it? Can I change my ways?

Dr. Raikes returns, interrupting my churning thoughts, a blue folder in his hands and a reassuring smile on his face. He settles into his chair, opening the folder and spreading out a few papers on his desk. We sit opposite him.

“Alright, let’s go over what to expect from here,” he begins,his tone calm and professional. “The NT measurement looks good, and combined with the blood test results, it suggests a low risk for chromosomal abnormalities.”

Dr. Raikes smiles, his eyes crinkling at the corners. “I’d like to see you back here in about a month for your next scan. If you have any concerns or experience any unusual symptoms in the meantime, don’t hesitate to call.”

“We will,” Rowena assures him.

“And if you’d like, next time, we should be able to determine the baby’s gender, if that’s something you want to know,” Dr. Raikes adds.

I glance at Rowena, raising an eyebrow in a silent question.

She bites her lip, considering, then smiles. “There are few happy surprises in life, and this could be one.” She turns to me. “You think it’s silly to wait?”

“No, if you want a surprise, let’s make it a surprise,” I tell her honestly. I hate surprises, but this could be the one exception.

Dr. Raikes chuckles. “You don’t have to decide now.” He stands, extending his hand. “If you don’t have any more questions?”

I stand as well, shaking his hand firmly. “You covered everything. Thank you, Dr. Raikes.”

“You’re very welcome. Stop by the front desk to schedule your next appointment, and you’ll be all set.”

With a final warm smile, he escorts us back to the reception area. As Rowena settles into a chair, lost admiring the ultrasound pictures, I approach the desk to make the appointment.

The receptionist smiles at me, all friendly professionalism. “Four weeks from today work for you?”

I nod, committing the date and time to my planner as she enters it into the system. Task complete, I turn back to Rowena,only to find her holding out one of the ultrasound pictures to me.

“For you.” Her eyes are still shiny. “I want you to have one.”

I take the small black-and-white image, staring down at the fuzzy outline of the baby—her baby.

Holding that picture, reality hits me again, only this time more powerful—like a wrecking ball to the chest. This isn’t my child, and if I stay on the path I’ve been on, chasing success and status, it’ll never be. I’ll never be a father, never have a family of my own.

And for the first time, that thought chills me to the bone.

Have I been wrong all this time? Have I been chasing the wrong things, neglecting what really matters? I thought nothing could be worse than what my father did: giving up. But maybe I’m worse because I’m not even trying.

I look at Rowena, at the barely noticeable baby bump, and I know one thing with absolute clarity. I want this. I want her. I want the chance to be a father, a husband. The chance to build a life and a family with someone I love.

And I’m ready to do whatever it takes to make that happen.

33

ROWENA

Fourteen weeks pregnant

Two weeks after the ultrasound, at home, I nestle into the plush sofa cushions, my oversized T-shirt draping comfortably as I tuck my legs beneath me. Across from me, Adrian lounges at the other end, his gray sweatpants and faded college T-shirt the epitome of casual. But his gaze is laser-focused, all his attention on me.

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