Page 87 of It's Complicated

I want to blink away, but I can’t. Slowly, I make my way down the aisle.

I’m suddenly so nervous that everything around me seems to blur except for his face.

I want to run away and never see him again.

But I also want to run up to him and throw myself into his arms.

The music swells, and I neither run away or toward him. I bravely put one foot in front of the other, making my way to the altar until I reach my place in the row of bridesmaids.

Being still and no longer having to walk doesn’t help. My heart is pounding in my chest, and the air feels thin. But most of all, Jace hasn’t stopped looking at me.

The bridal march starts, but I don’t look away. I can’t. Jace looks devastatingly handsome in a black tux, so good-looking I could cry.

He was mine, and I pushed him away before he even knew I was his as well.

My thoughts might be all over the place, but his eyes are steady on mine.

“Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to join this man and this woman in matrimony…”

I hardly listen to the minister. My attention is focused on the best man and the way his eyes are locked on my face.

The next hour is a blur. Present and past mix in an unfocused new dimension. Instead of the groom and bride reciting their vows, I hear the echo of Jace’s words in my head from that morning in New Orleans.

“I promise to love you, your four cats, six hens, and thousand rescue books for as long as my heart shall beat… I promise to love you even when you finish all the hot water in the shower and sing Taylor Swift at the top of your lungs for half an hour non-stop.”

“I promise to love you even when you kick me under the covers at night and hog all the blankets.”

“I promise to always be there when you need me and be strong when you’re vulnerable. I promise to never lie to you, to always tell you the truth, even when it hurts.”

“I promise to keep on loving you every day, until my last breath, even when you get gray hair or when you lose your teeth, because you are the love of my life, Lola Archibald, and I will never stop loving you.”

Wasn’t that just the best declaration ever? How could I think even for a second to let him go? And we might both have to work a little on how we handle ourselves in a fight, but everything else was perfect between us… and I threw it all away in a moment of blind rage.

Present and past keep mixing when the bride and groom exchange rings. I can’t help but fidget with the promise ring still on my finger. I never took it off. Jace’s gaze drops to my hand as well to then bounce back to my eyes more intense than ever.

Aiden kisses his bride for the first time, and the only thing I can focus on is the phantom of Jace’s lips pressing on mine.

When the ceremony ends, I can’t wait to rush to Jace and finally talk to him. Instead, I’m herded away from the altar into a smaller side room by the wedding coordinator. Before I even have time to realize what’s happening, I’m swarmed away in a tidal wave of chiffon and giggling women.

Apparently, we have to make a separate entrance to the reception ballroom, and each of us will be escorted to our sitting place by one of the groomsmen.

Unfortunately, I’m lower in the bridal party pecking order than Jace. When he gets ushered into the same small room, he’s immediately snatched up by Britney, the maid of honor, and they go to the head of the queue. I’m at the bottom, paired with Aiden’s cousin.

It’s not that bad. I’ve waited this long. Another ten minutes won’t kill me.

Except it’s not ten minutes. Before going to the reception, we have to pose for a million staged photos where every possible combination is explored—bridesmaids and bride, groomsmen and groom, only bridesmaids, only groomsmen, every bridesmaid with her escort, etc.…—except one that would bring Jace and me close enough to utter two words to each other.

Once the photo shoot is over, we’re marched into the reception ballroom and after making our gracious entrance, we sit at our assigned tables.

I’m at the same table as Jace, which is good. But he’s seated on the opposite side, which isn’t ideal. I can’t yell to him across the table, “Hey, Jace, would you mind passing the bread? By the way, are you still in love with me, or have I screwed it up for good?”

Aiden and Kirsten have a small, rectangular, one-couple-only table at the head of the room, while Jace and I are by the windows with the rest of the bridal party plus Aiden’s and Kirsten’s parents. Really not the best setting or audience for a love reunion.

This is ridiculous. I make to stand up, meaning to excuse myself to go to the restroom, hoping Jace will follow my lead, when two hands press down on my shoulders shoving me back on my chair.

“Please, wait to move, dear,” the wedding coordinator instructs me. “We still have to take a few pictures of the room with all the guests seated and the plating still intact. We don’twant any holes, especially not at one of the most important tables.”

“Oh, okay.” I sit back down, mortified, and sneak a peek at Jace.

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