Page 82 of It's Complicated

No pain.

I’m numb.

I slowly drift to sleep, my bear clutched to my chest.

The next morning, I walk into town to buy food supplies and grab breakfast. Passing a hunting and fishing store, I decide to gear up for ice fishing. Not much else to do around the frozen lake in the dead of winter. I also buy a charger, but I don’t charge my phone. I’m not ready to go back to the real world yet.

After a quick lunch, I sort through my new equipment and head outside to drill my perfect hole. I stack the new plastic sleigh with all the equipment—tackle, bait, auger, scooper, and ice fishing rod—and set off for the lake. A fresh coat of snow makes it difficult to tell where the shore ends and the frozen water begins, so I walk a little further. At midday, the sun hasclimbed high into the sky, making the ground glare so bright it hurts to look at it.

No one is in sight. The world is silent, except for the occasional snap of a twig under my feet and the sound of the sleigh sliding behind me. When I’ve walked far enough to be sure I must stand on ice, I set up camp. I remove the safety cover from the auger—the large metal hand drill used to pierce the ice—and start drilling. The auger is easy to use and I work it into the ground until the ice below me gives way with a pop. Struggling to hook a waxy on the jig with my snow gloves on, I take them off until I’ve succeeded. Then the gloves come back on and I start jiggling to bait the fish.

I like the repetitive task and enjoy the peace of the deserted lake. It’s only me, my thoughts, and my memories…

Maybe I should try not to think about anything.

Yes, I’m just going to stay up here and revert to a primordial lifestyle. Eat, sleep, hunt for food, and repeat. Forget I have a ruined life waiting for me back in Chicago.

That works well for the following few days, but come Monday night I itch to recharge my phone. Aiden’s wedding is supposed to be tomorrow and I’m the best man. Has he canceled it? He must have after what I saw happening on Lori’s doorstep. I just need to turn on my phone and get definite proof.

Still, I hesitate.

I’m trapped in a quantum mechanics paradox.

Until I don’t check, both scenarios involving Aiden’s wedding could still be true. The ceremony could still be on and my reading on Tuesday night’s rendezvous wrong. Or the wedding could be canceled and Lori and Aiden be together.

But if I open my texts and find the cancelation notice, I will have effectively sealed my fate.

I’m being silly, I know. Nothing I do will impact the situation. Either the wedding is canceled or it’s not. I might as well check my messages.

With a deep breath, I plug the charger in.

34

LORI

An entire week with no texts, no calls, not even a smoke signal or a stinking like on my Catstagram!

“Doesn’t Jace know that even through a fight, he’s supposed to send daily proof of life?” I ask my hens as they roam the backyard. It’s a sunny, not-as-freezing day and they’ve left their luxury heated henhouse to get a little fresh air in the warmed midday weather.

Gemima clucks at me.

“I know, right? Asking for a selfie next to the day’s paper isn’t too much, is it?”

I hate being left in the dark. The waiting is the worst. Trying to decipher Jace’s thought process feels as random as reading tea leaves. Everything could mean something and its opposite. Is Jace ignoring me because he’s still hurt by what I said? Or is he using the silent treatment to punish me? Or maybe he’s re-evaluating our relationship and, in all his wisdom, has decided it’s best to break up with me. Round one was painful enough, and he doesn’t think he can take another.

I’m going crazy. I don’t know what to think anymore.

Patience I must have, I know. But my Jedi skills are evading me right now. I’m so not at peace with the universe, the opposite, I want to rip my hair out. I’m doing my best to hold on to my sanity, but it’s hard. And I’m tired of being patient, tired of being mature. I just want to shout.

I want to hug him, hit him, and kiss him. Maybe do all three at once—that would require some serious coordination.

At least now the wait is over. Today is the day of Aiden’s wedding and, as best man, Jace will have to attend. Or at least, so Aiden said. After Jace skipped the rehearsal dinner last night, I was losing hope. But Aiden reassured me they texted yesterday, and that Jace promised he’d be by his side today. And willing or not, he will have to talk to me, too.

“All right, ladies,” I tell the chickens. “Mommy has to go get ready. Wish me luck.”

The girls answer with reassuring croaks and clucks. Hens are so much more supportive than cats. I swear Leia has been giving me pitying looks all week for being so pathetically strung up about a male. Easy for her to judge when she has three handsome tomcats doting on her twenty-four seven.

The wedding is at four, but I have to be at the hotel by two. My instructions for the day from Kirsten are clear. I have to shower and wear pretty underwear suitable for my bridesmaid dress. But under no circumstances should I try to style my hair or apply makeup. Professionals will take care of that in the bridal suite before the ceremony.

---