Page 65 of It's Complicated

I want to say it back, I really do. But for some reason, the words seem to get stuck in my throat. I’ve never been scared of my feelings—no matter how unwanted or unrequited they’ve been in the past. But with Jace, everything is so different. I have no idea what to do with my heart. I want to give it all to him, but I’m scared that I won’t be able to pick up the pieces if something goes wrong between us. It’s as if I’m falling so hard and I can’t do a thing to stop it.

I’m petrified. For me, for him. I just don’t know if it’s fear of hurting him or of hurting myself. I know I can trust him, but I still don’t know if I can trust myself—not after all the years I’ve spent wanting Aiden. Can I be really over him? Just like that? It feels that way. But what ifIend up hurting Jace?

Or maybe it’s the intensity in his eyes that’s keeping me frozen in place. The desperate way he’s staring at me. The way his gaze makes me feel like I’m all he needs. Or how bad I want to believe he’s all I need.

But I can’t.

Not yet.

I bring my hands to his face and gently turn it toward me. Jace looks so tired of waiting.

“I still need time,” I whisper.

I’m not sure why I’m saying this because I want to be with him, so badly. But I owe it to the both of us to be prudent, to take it slow.

Jace pulls me into a hug, resting his chin on top of my head. “Take all the time you need, Lola. I’m not going anywhere.”

Well, Jace is making it really easy to believe I am out of love with Aiden and very much in love with him.

The next morning, I wake up alone in our bed.

I run my hand over the sheets, feeling the soft fabric slip between my fingers. I roll onto Jace’s side of the bed, burying my face in his pillow. The scent of his soap and shampoo still lingers on the fabric. I close my eyes and take a deep breath, imagining he’s still lying next to me, his arms around me.

I roll back to my side, letting out an exasperated growl. If all we did last night was sleep in each other’s arms, I’m to blame. But this thing between us is too precious. I don’t want to ruin it by being in a hurry. I want to savor every moment I am with Jace, every brush of skin, every kiss.

I sit up on the bed, unable to suppress a smile at the stack of neatly folded clothes piled on a chair. Even my dress, which I discarded on the floor last night eager to get under the covers after a night of partying, is now strung on a hanger, dangling outside the wardrobe.

The little neat freak probably couldn’t help himself. Is it weird that I suddenly find his obsessive need for order adorable?

The question has barely popped into my head when the room door opens and Jace walks in, looking impossibly handsome in gym shorts and a sleeveless hoodie.

He’s holding a coffee tray and a paper bag in his hands and comes toward the bed, dropping both on the mattress.

“Breakfast in bed, uh, Barlow? We’re not pulling any punches, I see.”

“Shut up and eat before the croissants go cold.”

I squeal like an over-excited child and grab the bag. The freshly baked fragrance that wafts up as I open it is heavenly, as is the first bite of pastry.

“I’ve never tasted anything so good,” I say with my mouth still half full.

Jace smiles but looks kind of nervous. I hope he isn’t still upset about last night.

“Is it all for me?” I ask, dangling the bag. “Or you want in on the breakfast action?”

Jace’s eyes darken for a second before he snatches the bag from me and gives his croissant a ridiculously large bite.

I can’t help but giggle and relax a bit. He’s okay. We’re okay.

I stretch out on the bed, savoring my croissant and sipping coffee.

The bedroom is silent except for the sound of our chewing and the rumbling of our stomachs. Jace’s got the biggest grin on his face, watching me eat.

“What?” I ask, after swallowing.

“You’re cute when you’re scarfing down food like you haven’t eaten in a week.”

I roll my eyes, pretending to be annoyed. I’m really not—I want to see that grin on his face every day of my life.

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