Page 38 of It's Complicated

What do I do now?

I can’t go from being in love with one best friend to lusting after the other. Plus Jace doesn’t do relationships. And while my track record with dating isn’t stellar either, it’s only because the only guy I’ve ever wanted has never been available. I would wanta stable relationship. While, for Jace, I suspect being a bachelor is more of a lifestyle choice. I’m not sure.

Jace and I have always been able to talk about everything except his love life. Whenever I tried to talk to him about any of his flings or short-term girlfriends the barbed wire would come up, and he’d change the subject so fast I’d get whiplash.

I should try to get some sleep. I scratch the heads of the cats closer to me and, slowly, their purring lulls me into a slumber. I can’t toss and turn—as per the feline silhouette I’m confined into—but when I wake up the next morning I feel like I’ve spent the entire night thrashing about, tormented by sexy dreams mixed in with even sexier memories.

I get out of bed and decide to treat myself to store-bought coffee, and since I’m in a particularly despondent mood, I go to my favorite bookshop that doubles as a café.

I order my breakfast and peruse the bookshelves for something to read. I end up reading the first few chapters of an enemies-to-lovers fantasy romance that does nothing to help me get a grip on my raging lust.

I finish my breakfast and put the book back on the shelf, ordering an e-book copy from the bookshop website. I love paperbacks, but I literally can’t fit a single extra one into my loft. The rescue books take up all the available space and then some. But my e-reader can support my hoarding tendencies like a champ. No storing limits there.

I browse the shelves a little longer and download a thriller that comes with a handwritten cardboard recommendation from one of the store clerks. Yeah, maybe reading a steamy romance isn’t the best way to cool off, but if I stick my head into a deep conspiracy mystery thriller maybe I can get out of the lust funk.

After the bookshop, I drop off my chicken eggs at the farmers market stall where I donate them to be sold off for charity. Thelittle money they make goes to a rescue that saves animals from food factories.

I’m back in my loft before noon, and all I want to do is curl up on the sofa for an afternoon of reading. But I can’t. This afternoon I’m on duty at Jessica’s free clinic. It’s going to be Aiden and me today.

A week ago, I’d be ecstatic I’d get to share an entire Kirsten-free afternoon with him. Since they started dating I never got alone time with him any other way.

But dare I say I’d rather it be Jace today? Yeah, because I don’t like this tension between us. And whether or not I’ve fallen in lust with him, I can’t stand for him to be mad at me.

I sigh. But that’s not how life works. You get A when you want B, and when you stop wanting B, that’s when you’re going to get it.

Have I stopped wanting Aiden?

I don’t know. Maybe? If nothing else, this afternoon will help me clarify that point.

Even if it’s a little early for my shift, I put my coat on and get into the car. I turn the music on, loud enough for me to forget about everything as I sing my lungs out to “Speak Now” without even starting the car. I’d be lying if I said standing up at Aiden’s wedding at the ominous “speak now or forever hold your peace” beat hasn’t been my secret dream since he got engaged. Only today, I have more details placed into the fantasy. I know what Kirsten’s dress will look like, I have faces for the other bridesmaids and maid of honor.

I grab the wheel and close my eyes; the image is so clear in my head it almost feels real. And it goes like always. Aiden and Kirsten at the altar about to exchange vows, the preacher asking if anyone has objections, me catching Aiden’s blue eyes and seeing the doubt in them. I step forward about to speak, only this time I get distracted by icy-blue eyes in the background as Jacesubtly shakes his head at me from his position next to the groom. He’s a vision in a tux and… my eyes fly open.

What the heck was that?

Why is Jace suddenly interrupting my wedding-wrecker fantasies? Gosh, that kiss really scrambled my brain.

I shake my head and put the car into gear, pulling onto the street and changing song to “Blank Space,” that’s more of a Jace song.

Traffic isn’t bad on a Sunday and I reach my destination a little over ten minutes later. The free clinic is a dingy gray building, but it houses so much warmth and love inside that I always feel uplifted when I come here. We do our best with whatever limited resources Jessica manages to put together.

Despite the emotional roller coaster I’m in, I smile as I push through the glass entrance doors and enter the lobby. And, judging from the number of chairs already occupied by waiting patients, I didn’t get here a minute too soon.

At the back of the large room there’s a small glass booth where patients have to register, then a set of double doors that lead to the open-space visiting room, which doesn’t look much different to an ER with twin rows of hospital beds pushed against the far walls and curtains to separate them if a private examination is needed.

I greet Rue, the nurse sorting admissions behind the glass booth, with a bright smile and drop my jacket and purse in the locker behind her, grabbing a white coat.

Once I’m changed, I ask, “What do you have for me today, Rue?”

The black woman smiles at me before perusing her admission book. “I already gave Dr. Barlow a nasty eye infection, you can get the ear one.” She hands me a wooden clipboard with the patient data.

“You meant Dr. Collymore, right?” I take the clipboard as my heart thu-thumps a little at hearing Jace’s name.

“No, I—”

The double doors fly open and Jace enters the lobby. Our eyes meet through the glass of the booth and the thumping in my chest worsens.

“Dr. Barlow is on duty today,” Rue repeats. “You can give him his next case.” She hands me another medical file and after taking it, I circle the booth to go meet Jace.

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