Page 68 of Love & Rockets

“And I owe her a trip to the mall.” She winced, then shot him a coy look. “Probably not going to be cheap.”

His forehead creased. “She doesn’t seem like the mall type.”

She smiled at his naiveté. “All women are the mall type. Some are simply more avid shoppers.”

He darted a glance at the picnic, then let his gaze rove over her from the tips of her polished toes to her expertly shaped eyebrows. “A part of me wants to ask what you’re doing here. Seems like one of those things that seems obvious, but feels a little like a trap.”

“A trap?”

“Like I’m gonna make assumptions and come out looking stupid.”

Darla took the two biggest steps her dress would allow, effectively closing the gap between them. She caught sight of the moon reflected in the lenses of his glasses, then looked past it into eyes as dark as the night sky. She wanted to tell him she loved him. To promise she’d be more open to letting him into her life. Tell him his mother was expecting her and Grace for Sunday dinner. But she didn’t do any of those things. She couldn’t. Not until they’d jettisoned some of the baggage from their past.

Taking his free hand in both of hers, she held his gaze. “If you need to know his name, I’ll tell you.”

“What?”

“I’ll tell you who Gracie’s father is, but Jake, think carefully before you answer. Once I do, I can’t take back what I did and you can’t ever un-know it.” Nerves danced in her stomach and her throat tightened. “Do you really need to know? Does it matter that much to you?” She squeezed his big, warm hand, then laced her fingers through his. “I can’t change the choices I made back then. And I wouldn’t,” she added in a rush. “Look what I got.”

“Yeah.”

“But I’ve thought a lot about what we talked about the other night and I think I figured it out.”

“Figured what out?”

Darla drew his hand to her chest, nestling their clasped fingers between her breasts, right over her heart. “She didn’t tell you until after she’d had the abortion, did she?”

He opened his mouth to speak, then closed it. Darla took the opportunity to pull his hand to her lips and press fervent kiss to the back.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered into his skin. “I’m so sorry. You didn’t deserve that.”

“No,” he said in a whisper.

She nodded, lowering their hands once more. “And I never told him.”

“The difference is, he could know his daughter.” Jake’s voice was hoarse with emotion. The jagged edges of his own pain cut right through her, but she forced herself to hold steady.

“Honey, don’t you think if he wanted to, he could have done the math? My pregnancy was no secret. Don’t you think if he even entertained the possibility, he would have asked?” She gave him a lopsided smile. “They kicked me out, but as far as I know, he and his wife socialize with my parents regularly.”

“Your parents are ash-holes.”

A laugh bubbled out of her. Not so much because of the sentiment as the language. The term was one of Gracie’s first borderline swears. “You’re supposed to call them volcanoes, then bust out the ash-hole bit after someone asks what you mean.”

“But you knew what I meant.”

“Yeah. I did. Do.” She fought the urge to look away. Her days of feeling ashamed of her past were quickly becoming a thing of the past. “If you want to know his name, I’ll tell you, but I’d rather not. I can’t think of one bit of good that can come out of telling you. It’s not going to change anything.”

Darla watched his face as he digested her offer, all the while praying he wouldn’t ask.

“I understand, and I totally get why his not knowing would bother you, but, Jake, totally not the same situation as what you went through.”

“Right,” he answered with a nod. “No, it’s not.” He stared up at the stars, quiet as he considered her offer and all its implication. “No, you’re right.” He turned to look her in the eye. “Knowing isn’t going to change how I feel about you or Gracie, and you say it could hurt other people…No. I don’t need to know.”

“There is something you should know, though.”

“What?”

“I think your mom knows something happened with you.”

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