"No, they were gone before he got there," he said, and I swore again. Damn it all to hell. I could not let that man ruin my life again. He'd done it once already. While I wasn't the same scared kid who'd feared him the first time around, remembering my earlier interaction with him still gave me the chills. Why, why did he have to come back into my life? Why now?
"I'm sorry," I mumbled, glancing down at the blanket bunched up in my lap to keep from looking into Walker's amber eyes.
"For what?" he asked, sounding puzzled, and I shrugged.
"Everything?"
"This wasn't your fault, Caelan. But I will accept the apology for keeping the secret from me. Why didn't you tell me what we were?"
I'd assumed he didn't want to talk about the elephant in the room, but it looked like I was wrong.
"You were a kid when I found out, Walker. You didn't even know what being mates meant, and you weren't supposed to," I said, and he shook his head.
"No, not then. That, I understand. Though I still don't get why you had to leave. But what about when you got back? Why didn'tyou tell me then?" he asked, and I snuck a glance at his face to check if he honestly wanted to know.
"I wanted to. I didn't wear that necklace for the first two weeks after I got back, but you avoided me so you never had a chance to find out, and I realized I'd damaged our relationship too badly. I put it on again and decided to repair our friendship first, but there was no quick fix..." I trailed off with a shrug.
What was he thinking? Did he wish he still hadn't found out? Did he want to pretend he hadn't? Did he hate me even more now?
"Fuck, I'm so sorry, Kitty," Walker said, and my head jerked up, eyes wide as I stared at him.
"What do you have to apologize for?" I asked, and he scoffed.
"For being an utter dick? You've always been kind to me, even when I acted like an ungrateful brat, and I've treated you so badly over the past few years," he said with a shake of his head, and I sighed.
"You were hurting," I said, and he barked out an unhappy laugh.
"Even if I was, it didn't give me the right to hurt you in return. Why did you leave, Kitty? Did my dads make you?" he asked, and I shook my head.
"No, Walker. They had nothing to do with my decision. It was mine and mine alone. You were already so fond of me back then, and I was worried that if I stuck around, and you grew up with us being as close as we'd been, you'd one day think that I...that I groomed you, that I..." I trailed off, unable to voice all the fears that had clogged my mind back then.
The bottom line was, I hadn't wanted to be to Walker what Andras had once been to me. I'd been terrified that if I stuck around, I would turn into him and ruin everything. Ruin Walker.
Walker
I didn't understand his reasoning, but I could see it on his face that it was something that had scared him, and his fear had been strong enough to prompt him to leave his home. Even if I didn't understand it, I wasn't going to make light of his fears.
"Okay. Okay. Well, now we're both adults, and we both know," I said, and Caelan dipped his head in a nod.
I realized I'd dropped his hand sometime during our conversation—probably when I'd been trying to calm him down—and I reached for it again. He froze when I wrapped my palm around his hand, and then he turned it around and gripped my hand so tightly he would've broken my bones if I was human.
"Does that...does this mean you don't hate me?" he asked, and I decided he deserved the truth too.
"Caelan, I've never hated you," I said, and he scoffed, making my heart ache. If he truly believed I hated him, I was a better actor than I'd thought. "I mean it, Kitty. After you left, I wanted to hate you just so I wouldn't miss you so much. And after you got back, I acted like I hated you because I was angry, because it was easier to feel angry at you than to constantly wonder what it was about me that made you leave," I said, and Caelan made a sound of protest.
"You didn't do anything wrong, Walker," Caelan said, and I smiled at him.
"I know that now, but it took me a while to realize that. After what Dad said, I've been thinking about howyoumust've felt when you left, and if one of us has actual reason to hate the other, it's you. You had to leave your home because of me."
"I didn't leave because of you. I leftforyou, and I'd do it again if I had to."
Sighing, I tilted his chin up, staring into his beautiful blues. "I want you to make me a promise.”
"Anything," he answered in a hushed voice, and I leaned forward, kneeling in front of him, our faces inches apart.
"Promise you won't ever leave me again. Even if for some reason, you think it's best for me. Promise me you'll stay," I said, and Caelan's lips parted as he gazed into my eyes.
"I'll stay," he breathed out, his voice barely loud enough to be audible.