Page 15 of A Vow of Blood and Tears

My mouth watered. I swallowed hard, forcing my nostrils shut. I wanted to reach out and touch that hair, feel the silk on my own undeserving fingers.

Instead, I clenched my hands, knowing she would not appreciate my touch.

Cirrien did not see; she had already turned back to forming letters.

I. W-O-U-L-D. L-I-K-E. T-O. B-E. A-L-O-N-E.

“My lady… you are to be kept under guard until we reach Ravenscry. The risk is too great, even with walls and guardians.”

P-L-E-A-S-E.

She looked up at me again, her gaze trailing over my face like an almost physical caress… and the tightness of her jaw, the line of white around her lips from keeping them still, made it clear to me what she was truly requesting.

Not merely privacy, but time to grieve.

Leaving her alone would be terribly unwise. She could sob alone in the safety of Ravenscry if she wished.

But now that I saw the signs of strain, I could not stop myself from wanting to give her something, whatever tiny gift would make up for having her life torn away.

Why had I agreed to the Accords? What was it but a century of thin tolerance and carefully-disguised horror ahead of us?

The folly of youth… never had I imagined, when I was young and handsome, that a woman would cry tears of mourning on our wedding night.

“Very well. Keep the windows shut. Do not open the door for anyone but myself or Olwyn. I’ll be back.”

My voice came out in a thick snarl, and my bride flinched. That was the last I saw of her as I swept into the hall, pulling the door shut and locking it behind me with a small key.

Wyn was descending the stairs as I strode towards the front door. “She’s locked in her room and she wishes to be alone. Keep an ear on her, but don’t intrude.”

I didn’t wait for my advisor’s reply before I stepped into the cool night air. Crickets sang, the breeze whispered, and I stood still in the street, calming myself.

Soon we would be home.

Home for me, but not for her.

She would have an entire tower of the castle to herself, and after tomorrow, she could choose to never lay eyes on me outside of the required duties as the Lady.

Wyn’s consolations echoed in my ears, that there were other options.

But I did not want those options. I had come to Argent expecting to find one of those women who shrieked and fell all over themselves to get away from me; I hadn’t expected cool determination, nor even the frustration of not being able to speak to me at all.

Or the kindness of throwing the silver and rowan outside the carriage.

I realized I wanted Cirrien to look at me with something other than disgust. It would never be love, nor even simple lust, but perhaps—companionship.

Paper. I would bring her paper, and it would please her. It was strange for a woman with a lai in her name to be concerned about the cost, but perhaps her family had been high nobility in name only. Many coffers had been drained to fund the defense against the Forians.

Most of the shops in Thornvale were closed for the night, doors locked and lanterns dim. I walked past open taverns, my ears swiveling to pick up hushed laughter and filthy jokes, until I found a bookshop with the lanterns still lit.

A brass bell jingled as I pushed the door open. An old man was stacking books behind the counter, grumbling to himself.

He turned, freezing in place when he saw me, but as he took in my face he relaxed. “Lord Bane. What can this humble scholar do for you?”

I thanked the ancestors that the people of the Rift had welcomed my kind with almost entirely open arms in their desperation to be free of the wolves’ predation. They might not be entirely comfortable with me, but Wyn and my legions had gone a long way in ensuring that the humans would not panic in my presence.

At the very least, they knew they trusted me with their lives—and I had done well enough at preserving them that the Rift-kin were respectful.

I thought for a moment, looking over the neatly-alphabetized stacks and tidy spines. “Paper. I need plain paper, and a pen. And ink. And maybe something to read that a young woman would enjoy.”

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