Page 121 of A Vow of Blood and Tears

My hands remained frozen, hovering in midair, as I parsed which question was the most important to ask—children, sanguimancy, Liuridar… retirement?

Why did she have to drop a sack of bricks on my head right before I was supposed to appear composed and confident in front of other people?

“I can see you’ve got yourself worked into a tizzy,” she said wisely, discarding the necklace and trying out a lacy silver one. “Your children will be bloodwitches, Cirrien dear. As I am. The progeny of a vampire-human couple is always a bloodwitch, male or female. Which means that I will be in charge of teaching them, of course, and you should thank your ancestors for that. You won’t find a better teacher in Veladar.”

But… children, I said, the gears of my brain still grinding against each other.

“Of course I’m going to retire one day!” she said indignantly, completely misreading me. “I’m a hundred years old, and I’ve spent eighty-seven of those years underground. Once Hakkon is strung up and your children have completed their apprenticeships, I’m off to visit Serissa at least once in my life. Visca promised.”

I blinked at her and tried to unstick my brain from that one word.

So. Children. I was married, after all; it wasn’t like children were an impossibility when I was happy to peel off every scrap of fabric I wore when Bane came to bed.

And it wasn’t a concern that they would starve in my care; Bane didn’t lack for gold or food or clothes. I was no longer indentured into my fifties. Any children I had would grow up safe, secure, well-fed, loved…

So they were no longer an impossibility. I could even imagine them, with my red hair and Bane’s gold eyes…

They were just something so new in concept to my life that I couldn’t quite imagine that they ever would happen.

“You’re fortunate, though.” She discarded the silver necklace and found a crimson ribbon. “With the Accords in place,your children will grow up as respected, even beloved, sanguimancers. In my day…” Wyn chuckled sadly, tying the ribbon off as a choker. “Well, more bloodwitches were burned than lived. I only made it this far because my mother forbade me from the surface. It took many, many years of Visca telling me that it would be all right before I could bring myself to leave the Below—the expeditions into deeper earth, into Fae territory, those were nothing compared to the fear I felt of the world above! The thought that if I ever met my own father, he might tie me to a stake and char me to ash… that seemed far more terrible than the perpetual darkness.”

I touched the ribbon, just tight enough to kiss my throat without choking me. Wyn fussed with my hair, then the sleeves of my dress—giving her hands something to do. I thought she might only be talking to keep her mind off her wife.

“Now I’m glad, of course. This world is so lovely. But part of me will always feel more at home in the deeps. Besides, there’s a positivewealthof research down there that we might work on between the two of us, you and I.” Wyn beamed at me in the mirror. “Alas, that won’t come until after you’ve had children, and I’ve taught them both all I know of sanguimancy. Ancestors know I’ve a lifetime’s worth of knowledge to pass along, and by the time they’re old enough to practice the art, I’ll have more. Ha, it’ll take an entire second lifetime just to teach them all I know.”

Suddenly it became a lot harder to keep a smile on my face.

By the time Wyn was done teaching my children all she knew, I’d have one foot in the grave, if I wasn’t in it entirely.

Ifwe had them. But if we did… I wouldn’t live long enough to see their full potential. I’d just have to trust in Bane, Wyn, and Visca to ensure they did.

How ephemeral I was.

I’m glad they’ll have you, I wrote, and the letters were only a little shaky. I jammed my feet in the heeled slippers Rose nudged towards me and stood up, sliding my journal on the dresser and shaking out the petal-like skirt.

If I was going to appear smiling and happy, I couldn’t think about theoretical children, or the fact that I wouldn’t see them in their full flower, or that Wyn would be doing that oh-so-tempting research without me.

So I put my mind to the fact that we were going to have a good time, or… something close to that. At least I would see Bane.

I checked the mirror a last time, ensuring that there were no ink spots on my hands, smoothing the scarlet silk of my constricting bodice.

Thethinbodice. I couldn’t peel my thoughts from the abrupt change of course my life had taken.

“Well, onto less enticing subjects,” Wyn muttered, offering her arm. “By the ancestors, I loathe parties. By the time I’m done planning them I have no energy for enjoyment.”

I didn’t take her arm; instead I dragged my journal towards me, scrawling a message to her.

Wyn read it over, frowning at first, but a speculative look came into her eyes. “Of course it’s possible, dear. Rose, come unlace her corset. This will only take a moment.”

The golem hung her head, but she moved quickly to obey.

There was stillno sign of Bane when we stepped into the ballroom together, Wyn smiling a little too brightly.

Of course she was happy, despite what she’d done. Beneath the tightly re-laced corset, the skin of my lower stomach glowedwith warmth. Wyn had used a drop of my own blood to write a sigil over my womb. It had sunken into my skin, leaving behind no trace of its presence but the heat sinking through my flesh.

It would prevent children, she’d told me, as long as she renewed it after every third full moon. And she was beaming because I’d as much as announced I would be seducing my own husband with the intent of producing an heir at some point.

But not soon. Not until I’d asked him for a gift he might not be willing to give.

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