Page 23 of Kept

I’d never done something so impersonal before, without kissing each other’s lips or even looking each other in the eye, but somehow it was even more satisfying than the times I’d fumbled around face-to-face with my Northeast ex. It was half the thrill of a dirty secret, half the enjoyment of being in the hands of someone who could mold me like putty.

I wasn’t going to make the mistake of trying to kiss Spears after this, even though he seemed perfectly content to let me be a boneless ragdoll on his lap. My cheekbones were burning, but I slowly sat up, feeling wobbly.

The next thing I knew, his hand was buried in my hair and he was pulling me back down against him. “Delicious,” he whispered in my ear before releasing me again.

Deliciousjoinedbeautifulin the lexicon of words that didn’t apply to Jane Fawkes but had been used to describe her anyways. I already knew I’d be tossing and turning tonight, dissecting every second that had led me here and what could possibly inspire him to use that word.

Spears zipped up my dress, and this time I didn’t wait for him to give me permission to get up. The clock showed that I’d been in here for far longer than I’d intended to be, and I’d be late for my shift at the library if I didn’t get moving, no matter how wrung-out and limp I felt now.

“Do I have permission to leave, Professor Spears?” I asked, but instead coming out biting and acerbic, it was breathless.

Spears rose from his chair and escorted me through the office and art room himself, opening the door to the main Hall.

Like I looked after almost every time I saw Rhett, I was flushed, rumpled, and my hair had come loose from its bun. Whatever game Spears was playing, he seemed to like it dangerous, because if anyone saw us there was no doubt what had transpired in his office.

“Off you go, Pet,” he murmured, dipping his head down to kiss my throat right in plain view of the door. That forbidden thrill was back in full force, and I exhaled a rough sigh at the feeling of his lips on me. “I’ll be seeing you soon enough.”

I glanced up at his face before I walked out, catching an expression I hadn’t seen on him before. Satisfaction, and a deep, unsated hunger.

A shiver ran down my spine as I ducked into the hall, clutching my messenger bag and walking with quick steps. He had no way of knowing, but somehow, I think he knew all the same.

I’d be counting the seconds untilsooncame.

Chapter Eight

I shoveda cart of books into a dark corner of the library and almost jumped out of my skin at the sight of a figure waiting there.

Sean had taken up residence at one of the little hidden tables and spread what looked like the entire contents of his bag across the surface. Two steaming cups of coffee perched on top of a pile of textbooks, and I itched to remove the books from the danger, all too aware of my own mishaps with books and coffee.

“Hey, Jane.” As soon as I stepped into the aisle he spun around in his seat, a big smile plastered across his face. I let the cart roll to a halt and took a breath to steady my racing heart. It was six in the evening, far past the time that most students and faculty went home. I hadn’t seen hide nor hair on my Three Demons since Spears had brought me into his office earlier, and Mrs. Clarke had already left. In the silence of the library, I’d thought I was completely alone.

“Hi, Sean. You’re here late.”

He beamed up at me, and I managed a weak smile in return. Maybe if I said nothing interesting, he’d get bored and wouldn’t try to trap me into conversation.

“I’m already getting started on my thesis project. This time of night is my favorite, nobody’s around… well, except you, but I’m… actually really happy about that.”

The universe couldn’t have given me a clearer sign that I was fucked in the head. Here was a nice, decent guy well within my league, one who was actually happy to see me, and I couldn’t wait to brush him off and get back to my demons.

Demons I had zero long-term chances with and who put my scholarship in danger every time they found me.

I stared at Sean hard, willing myself to see something appealing in him, but there was nothing. Whereas I felt excitement twine through me anytime I crossed paths with the professors, with Sean I felt nothing but a void of disinterest, and vague happiness that at least he was my friend here.

“Oh,” I said, looking down. The last thing I wanted was for him to take my stare as interest. “Well, I’m always here, y’know. I work here.” Not commenting on how it made him happy seemed best. “I hope your thesis goes well.”

I gripped the cart and pushed again. I could always come back later to shelve these books after Sean was gone, but he stood up and followed me around the corner.

A prickle of foreboding crept up and down my back. “Do you need help with something?”

Sean leaned against a bookshelf, his hands stuffed in his pockets. I couldn’t help but think he looked awkward doing it, while Rhett made it look effortless. “Jane, I’m worried about you. Sometimes you show up to class looking like you just ran a marathon, and I was just wondering if there’s… if there’s something you want to tell me.”

I want to tell you to go away, I thought, but I didn’t say it aloud. My heart had picked up its pace again, a frantic gallop behind my ribs.

What if Sean had seen?

Besides that, his hesitance irritated me for some reason. I couldn’t help but compare him, how he hesitated through his sentences while the demons issued orders like they’d been born to do it. It wasn’t fair to compare Sean to them, but there it was.

He might be in my league, but I’d rather be lonely forever now that I’d tasted forbidden fruit than settle for something less exciting.

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