Page 75 of Loving Leo

I don’t know why it matters. This thing between us—it’s not permanent. He’s playing with me. And as cruel as it is to think, part of me can’t help but wonder if he’s just fulfilling some sort of fantasy he never even knew he had until it’s finally time to be a good boy and marry a wealthy woman his parents approve of.

Fuck, I really hope that’s not the case.

It doesn’t feel like it is. But it makes me nervous all the same.

“They do.” His voice is grim and I don’t want to push him anymore. I don’t want to know. I just want to live here in my little bubble where this is real and he won’t leave me when it’s finally time. “I don’t want her, Leo. I don’t think I ever really did.”

I continue to let my fingers run over his stomach and really try to think before speaking. “But you were with her?” Damn my stupid mouth not listening to my brain or my heart.

“I was,” he confirms and I feel a little sick. I mean, I know he wasn’t a virgin or anything. Duh. Clearly I’m no saint either. But I still hate thinking about him being together with the woman his parents are dying for him to marry.

I’m sure she’s beautiful. And perfect. Educated and rich.

Everything I’m not.

“And what do your parents think about you being with a man. You know, if you were to tell them this?”

He shifts and sighs. “I don’t think they’d be happy.”

“Yeah, I thought so.”

“It doesn’t matter though, Leo. You never have to cross paths. You never have to meet them. Or her. We’re worlds away.”

It’s a nice sentiment, but I take it to mean that he’s ashamed, that he’s going to keep me hidden away. A shameful secret.

“Right,” I say, my throat clicking as I swallow. “Totally. I’ll never meet them. Of course.”

Heath must hear the hurt in my voice because he leans up slightly and I’m forced to meet his gaze.

“Leo, look at me.”

I peer at him through one eye, the other closed for good measure. That way it only hurts half as much when he levels the final blow.

“It has nothing to do with you. If I could un-meet my parents I would. They’re not good people and I’d hate to see your light dimmed by them. It’s better to just keep things separate.”

“Yeah, I get it.”

“Open your other eye,” he says and I do, my vision blurring slightly as I sniffle.

“It’s fine. I’m just growing attached. A little too much I think. Maybe we should spend some time apart.”

My words fall from my lips before I can call them back and Heath’s face falls.

“Is that what you want?”

I nod and then adamantly shake my head. “No, I just know this is going to end badly for me. I just know it.”

“It won’t. I promise it won’t.”

I sigh and then meet his troubled gaze. “Let’s forget I said that. Please. I ruined a great night. I just want to go back to before I blurted that out. We’re fine. I’m fine. I’m tired.”

It’s all a lie. I’m not tired at all. Wired is more like it. When Heath finally goes to sleep, holding onto me tightly, I spend far too long looking at him and then when I’m sure he’s dead to the world, I get dressed and head out.

I need some space to think clearly. And if I spend the night in his arms one more time, I may fall in love completely.

FOURTEEN

Heath

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