Page 59 of Loving Leo

She just shrugs her slight shoulders and sighs, “A few times. I dated who I thought was a really nice guy I met at the gas station—he was working there and super cute—but he turned out to be an asshole. And then I dated a literal bus driver.”

I snort. “You’ve never ridden the bus.”

She waves me off, “I did! I was out walking around downtown and thought it would be a fun experience. I’m all about trying new things.”

“And?” I let go of the railing and turn my body toward her.

“And he was really good in bed. Like we broke the headboard.”

“Gross, Selena!”

She cackles but then she sighs thoughtfully, “I really liked him. I did. But then I found out he was married.”

I wince at that, angry and sad for her at the same time. Why the fuck would anyone do that? What’s the point in cheating? Just end it if you want to fuck around. Is that really so hard? Apparently it is, because that’s exactly what Lana did.

“Shit. I’m sorry.”

She waves me off again, like it’s nothing, but I can see the hurt in her eyes, “It sucked, but you know what? I actually have a point to telling you all this.”

“Wait. Why didn’t you tell me this before?”

Her lips purse and I can see her mind working.

“Since when do you think this hard before you speak?”

She rolls her eyes and swats at me.

“You’re such a boob, but honestly, I didn’t say anything because I was a little embarrassed about all of it and yes, I know that makes me a snobby shithead, but now that you’re with your janitor man…”

“He’s more than just a janitor,” I growl but instantly feel bad because I know she didn’t mean it that way.

Not that she’s bothered. She grinning. “I know he is. But even if he was only a janitor, I’m starting to realize that they’re so important.” I arch an eyebrow at her, not sure where she’s going with this. “I mean I know we need them, obviously, but I just mean, these people are invaluable. Their jobs are hard and honestly overlooked most of the time. Just because they do something our parents snub their noses at doesn’t mean what they do isn’t meaningful. These people work their asses off and honestly, we couldn’t get by without them.”

“Yeah, I agree, but why are you telling me this?”

“Because Lana is a shithead who acted like fucking that gym guy was no big deal because to her, he wasn’t even a person. He was just a play thing. Someone beneath her.”

I wince, a twinge of pain moving through me, almost like I’m right back to when I walked in on Lana riding another man.

I’d never seen her like that before. Her head was thrown back, her moans pinging off the walls. She actually sounded like she was enjoying it for Christ’s sake. But when she saw me standing there, everything changed. She schooled her face, climbed off of him and acted like he was nothing.

That, right there, told me she didn’t think what she was doing was wrong because he was someone she perceived as below her. It was just a phase.

Almost as if I’m transported back in time, I see the way the guy’s face fell, the way he crawled out of bed and pulled his pants on in silence. I followed him out of the apartment and even apologized.

He nodded and returned the favor before disappearing into his car.

He was thrown away as soon as Lana’s trophy fiance walked in.

Because that’s all I ever was to her. I see that now. And honestly, the pang of grief I feel is more my own insecurity. That I couldn’t make her come that hard, couldn’t make her wild with lust. I felt lacking in that moment.

I felt less than.

“I really don’t want to talk about her anymore,” I grit out and my sister pats my shoulder.

“I know you don’t and I’m sorry for bringing it up, but my point is, we weren’t raised right. Like at all. We were monsters. People are people. Those guys I was supposedly “slumming it” with? They were assholes. The rich pricks mom and dad approved of? They were assholes.”

“So, your point is everyone is an asshole and we’re all doomed?”

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