Page 58 of Loving Leo

“Yeah, not going to happen.”

“You should do it anyway. You should so invite him and watch chaos ensue.”

“That wouldn’t be nice, Selena. You know better.”

“Well, you should ask anyways, see what happens.”

“I’m not asking him. Not now and not ever. You know how mom and dad are. Fuck, it would be a disaster. Especially if Lana is there.”

“But it wouldn’t be boring.”

“He’s not a pawn.”

She pouts slightly, “Yeah, I know. I just…god, I want you to win this so I can have hope for myself. You know that I’m so over it all.”

“Yeah, I bet. I am too.”

“Well, in any case, I’d love to see Lana’s face if you show up with a guy on your arm, but I get why you won’t. Should we just forget it and finish our tacos? Maybe you could invite janitor man here and I can meet him.”

She waggles her eyebrows at me and I scowl. I told myself they’d never meet. “I’m not doing that.”

“But I have extra food and I bet he’s bored, just waiting for you to call.”

“It’s too early for all of that,” I reply, hoping she’ll drop it and trying to ignore this strange pang in my chest. I want him here with me. It seems that when I’m not with him, I’m thinking about him.

That’s never really happened to me before and I don’t know how to deal with it. From the moment his lips touched mine, it was like a switch flipped. I had control of it before I met Leo. I was able to flip it on and off at will, but now everything’s gone haywire. I’m insatiable.

“Oh my God, you’re thinking about him right now!” Selena laughs, some margarita dribbling from her mouth.

“No. I’m not,” I grouch, but it’s really more of a silly lie because she knows without a doubt that I am. I’m not even trying to be convincing.

“Can’t we just have a normal time together? Or maybe we could talk about your love life. How about that?” Internally I shudder because I don’t want to know what Selena gets up to, but then again if she’s being invasive, I can too.

She pops a chip into her mouth and chews. “It’s boring. No one isa challenge for me anymore. It’s all rich, uptight pricks that want to lock me down because it will make for a grand marriage and a life of laziness.”

I frown at that, feeling the loneliness in those words. “Maybe you should date outside of our circles,” I suggest. It’s certainly worked for me with Leo. Not that we are dating. I don’t know what the hell we are doing honestly. But the thought of him fucking anyone else, even for work, makes me see red and want to punch something. I’m not a violent man. Never have been, but I don’t want anyone else doing what I do with him.

I don’t know what this means for his job. Can he only do solo work forever? Or only hook up with me without showing my face? I’m sure that would get boring for his viewers. I need to really sit with this for a bit. Is this only a phase for me? An experiment? I don’t know. I haven’t really had time to think on it.

I think about that for a moment and then sigh. I really don’t think this is some experiment or phase. I’m not slumming it. Or whatever Lana called it when I caught her cheating with someone from the gym. It was a guy who worked as a mechanic in a shop downtown, someone definitely not in our socio-economic circle.

Fuck. Am I just like her? Am I with Leo because he’s different?

I murmur a curse and Serena’s brow crinkles as she examines me closely.

“You look like you’re going to puke,” she says unhelpfully.

I roll my eyes and stand up. It’s way too hot in here so I move to the balcony and push the doors open to get some fresh air. My hands grip the steel railing and I lean my head back, breathing deeply through my nose.

No. I’m not like Lana. This has nothing to do with her and what she did. I’m not using Leo. I would never do that. I realize I’m gripping the railing far too tightly and peel my fingers from it. It’s then that I notice Selena next to me, but I’m lost in thought.

“Hey, are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” I whisper, though I’m anythingbut.

“Listen, I didn’t mean to make a joke of any of that. I know how frustrating it is. I’ve dated out of our circle,” she admits softly and I turn to look at her, my head cocked to the side because that’s something I didn’t know.

“When?”

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