Page 4 of Back in Blood

But was I going to remind Sin that he had a fiancée and a baby on the way? Nope. Because he knew that already. Though I tried to respond to him in a normal tone and I had a forced smile on my face, Sintonio knew me.

“Don’t be like that, Lisa. I’m not a kid. I don’t succumb to peer pressure. Tay can’tmakeme do anything. I hang with him because that’s my homie. I’m one of the few friends he has left that isn’t dead or in jail. I’m not gon’ turn my back on him because we walk different paths.”

“I haven’t said a word, dear.” I forced another tight smile and left the room. A few months after Tay was released from prison, he asked Sintonio if he could borrow $2,000 and when Sin told him he didn’t have it to spare, Tay didn’t speak to him for three months. That nigga wasn’t anyone’s friend; he was a bum.

I was going to keep my thoughts to myself. Tay was the last thing that I wanted to argue about. Curling back up on the couch, I grabbed my kindle and resumed my book. Sintonio was about to be someone’s husband and father. I could only hope and pray that he was out in the streets acting like it.

The next morning, I didn’t even realize the nurse had wrapped her arms around me to console me until I was almost choking from the smell of her perfume. The doctor had stopped speaking so I could bawl hysterically in peace. The words, Ring Chromosome Disorder just kept repeating in my head over and over on a continuous loop. My doctor had really looked me in the face and told me that my son had a rare disorder that might cause him to die in utero or to not even make it through childbirth. And by some chance if he did survive, he would more than likely have developmental delays, learning disabilities, hearing loss, and possibly even seizures among a list of other things. I tried to remain positive through the news but when he mentioned that I might want to terminate the pregnancy I lost it.

Hands down, it was the worst day of my life and to make matters even worse, a stranger had to console me because Sintonio wasn’t there. When I woke up at four a.m. and he wasn’t home, anger coursed through my veins. But it didn’t take long for that anger to turn to fear. I didn’t like Tay. I also didn’t feel like he was the best person for Sintonio to surround himself with, but no one could make a grown man stay out that late. If he was out, he was out by choice, and Sintonio just didn’t move like that. So, fear took over. I called his phone, and when he didn’t answer, my heart sank into my belly. What if something had happened to him?

Being a nurse, made me very aware of just how many people got into accidents or were hurt in other ways and brought into the ER while their loved ones didn’t have a clue where they were. Just as I was about to call him again, I could hear the garage door lifting, and the worry disappeared like a puff of magic. So, he was okay? Yeap, I was angry again. I scurried from bed to use the bathroom because I didn’t want to have to pause from cursing his ass out to take a potty break. As I was washing my hands, I heard Sintonio walk into the bedroom. My lips had parted before I even entered the room fully but one look at his face made me clamp my mouth shut. Sin looked like shit. His red-rimmed eyes were low, and he looked sad. Defeated. Weary. Just as the fear had dissipated, the anger did too.

“Sintonio, what’s wrong?” I asked with furrowed brows.

“It’s been a long ass night. I just need to get some sleep. A bunch of bullshit, really,” he mumbled.

I stared at him with my left brow cocked. He was going to have to come better than that. Sin already appeared to be stressed, and I didn’t want to add to that, but I needed to know what was going on. “Can you just give me a brief run-down of why you look like you’ve been crying, and why you were out until four in the morning?” I asked in a nonconfrontational tone.

Pushing out a frustrated sigh, Sin ran a hand down his face. “Tay got into some shit at the cookout. Three niggas jumped him, and shit got crazy after that. I had to take him home to grab some clothes and shit, and then I took him to his people’s house out in the country, and got a flat tire on the way. It took Triple A damn near an hour to come. I’m agitated, and I just want to take a shower and go to bed.”

Something was up, and it was more than he’d told me. Sin wouldn’t even look me in my eyes while he spoke. He put everything on Tay, but something had happened to him as well. It had to. The way he was looking was a mixture of guilt, fear,and stress. I really wasn’t in the mood to play guessing games. Any time I spoke about Tay being bad news, Sintonio made me feel like I was tripping. Stress was one thing I refused to indulge in during my pregnancy. My blood pressure had already been elevated at my last appointment. As badly as I wanted answers, my son came first, so I let the conversation go. The moment I eased back into bed, Sintonio began removing his jewelry. He went to the bathroom to shower, and I closed my eyes. I’d get to the bottom of the situation later but for the moment, he was home safe and sound, and that was all that mattered.

Livid wasn’t even the word to explain how I felt when Sin refused to get up and accompany me to the doctor. He didn’t even go to work. Because he got in late and didn’t want to get up, he didn’t go to work, nor did he come with me to my appointment. I would have liked for him to be at every one, but I understood that he had to work. Still, he’d missed the last appointment. I felt he could at least make them every other month. So, I already wasn’t in the best mood when I entered the office, but I smiled the moment I heard my son’s heartbeat. My nerves became unsettled when the doctor took extra time with the ultrasound. It was as if he was looking for something in particular, and he kept whispering with the nurse. Just as my heart began to beat double time, he gave me a solemn smile and eased the ultrasound device from my vagina.

Once I sat up, he explained to me what they found in my blood work from a previous visit and what he saw on the ultrasound. My world shattered piece by piece the more he talked. I kept trying to get myself together, but the tears wouldn’t stop coming. Finally, I left the appointment with my head reeling. Terminating my pregnancy wasn’t an option. I’d never do that, but was it selfish of me? I just wanted my son. I didn’t care what the issue might be, but what if he had a poor quality of life? If he survived. Knowing that my child didn’t havea promising future hurt so bad. As a nurse, I dealt with loss and unique situations every day, but it was different when it was at your front door.

With fresh tears streaming down my face and dripping off my chin, I sat in my car in the parking lot of my doctor’s office and cried some more. Ariyana called me, and that made me cry harder. She couldn’t understand anything that I was saying, and that alarmed her. I managed to get out the address of where I was, and she didn’t hesitate to pull up. The moment she hugged me more tears came. I released some more, and then we sat in my car while she held my hand.

“I’m going to get my aunt to come by if that’s okay with you. I want her to pray for you. Is that okay?”

All I could do was nod. I wasn’t in the position to be turning down any prayer. I had seen Ariyana’s aunt in action, and she was the real deal. When the Holy Spirit jumped in her, she would speak in tongues, shout, cry, and even pass out sometimes. I knew her well enough to know that it wasn’t an act. She was anointed for sure, and I just needed her to touch me.

“You want to leave your car here? I’ll drive you home.”

I was a complete mess. As Ariyana drove, I stared out of the window. I didn’t know what to do. Did I get a second opinion? Did I fix up the nursery, did I not fix up the nursery? Did I buy more baby things? What the fuck was I supposed to do? When Ariyana pulled into my driveway, and I saw Sin’s car, I wasn’t sure if I should be angry or relieved.

“You want me to come in?”

My eyes were so dry it felt like sand was in them. I also had a terrible headache. A small smile was all I could offer my friend. “No, thank you. I’m going to go inside and break the news to Sin. Thank you so much for all you did. Just text me when your aunt is on the way.”

“You never have to thank me for that.”

I got out of her car and ambled towards my front door feeling like my legs were made of lead. My entire body felt heavy and weighed down. I would handle anything that came with my son as long as he survived. I didn’t want to lose him. The moment I stepped into the living room and saw Sin with his hands in a praying position bouncing his legs anxiously, I knew that whatever had happened with Tay was some bullshit that didn’t end last night. We locked eyes, and my swollen tear-streaked face made Sin jump up.

“What’s wrong? Why have you been crying?”

His eyes darted back and forth across my face as he waited for an answer. I didn’t possess the energy to stand, so I walked over to the couch and pushed out a deep breath before I explained what the doctor said.

“Fuck!” Sin roared. He started pacing back and forth. “I don’t need this shit right now!”

With a scowl on my face, I recoiled from his words. “What do you mean you don’t need this shit right now? As if any of us do. What happened last night? Why are you acting so jumpy and nervous?” I snapped. I needed to be strong for my child, and I needed Sin to be strong for me. The shit he’d just said was real selfish sounding, and I needed him to fix it.

“Listen,” he stopped pacing. Sin paused for a moment then kissed his teeth. “Fuck,” he groaned and sat down on the couch placing his head in his hands.

My patience was wearing thin. My priority was my child. Whatever had him acting all dramatic and jumpy he needed to figure it out because we didn’t have room for bullshit.

“Yesterday when Tay got jumped, I tried to break the fight up. I guess the niggas thought I was jumping in the fight, and one of them hit me. They were deep as hell out there. A few of them started jumping me. I got away from them and went to mycar. I was only supposed to shoot up in the air. I wasn’t trying to hit anybody.”

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