Page 26 of Knot Happening

I’m swiping through profiles, not reading any of them. I’m looking for a specific face. Ugh!

This is stupid. I’m being annoying. I close out of the app, delete the two I didn’t use, and am about to delete the one with my new profile, when I change my mind. Fuck it.

Maybe Declan uses this one too, and he’ll come across my profile. While he’s swiping other profiles.

Gah! That thought does not settle my instincts, as stifled and erratic as they are.

I should stay home. Rest. But…

Dream said I could go in on my off days to observe the other muses. I could also do laundry. I do need to clean my uniforms, and I was already thinking of using an off day just to observe without the pressure of needing to perform my job. Plus, Hayden isn’t working tonight.

This way, I have an excuse to be at the club, that isn’t stalking my boss. Sure, I want more meds, but I could wait a week or two. What the hell is up with me?! It’s like the suppressants aren’t working as well as they used to. Or, did I just never notice before, because I was so focused on surviving, that I was ignoring my instincts?

Ugh. Whatever. If I don’t give into this feeling, I’ll only spend the rest of the night trying to convince myself one way or the other.

Fuck it. I spend an hour and a half getting ready very slowly, the club won’t open until ten thirty anyway, so there’s time. While I’m getting ready, I watch shows on my phone, which has unlimited data. Something I’ve never had before. I signed up for the free trial of one streaming service. My plan is to swap to the next free trial on another platform once this one's up. There’s like seven, so it’ll get me through a few months.

Once I’m dressed, I feel slightly more prepared. Funnily enough, I’ll be carrying in a big ol’ bag of dirty clothes while all dressed up. I don’t mind, though.

I grab the bag, sling it over my shoulder, and then change my mind. I feel dumb carrying in my stack of laundry. I’ll just take my dirty uniforms.

I think I’ll go into the club before it opens tomorrow, do my laundry, and then get ready for my shift, instead of taking everything now. I’ll have to lug the bag home at the end of my shift, but that’s not as bad as looking ready to club…with a laundry bag…

I’m wearing tight black waist high jeans with ripped holes in the thighs, black boots, because my feet still hurt, and these are comfortable even though they are older. And a satin baby blue strapless corset that makes my breasts look amazing. I add some shimmering lotion at the last minute because I love sparkles, so whatever.

Lastly, because I’m only an Omega, I put on one of the necklaces I once stole from Hayden. I hate him, but some instincts can’t be resisted. It’s easier to give in.

All it takes is one look in the mirror, at my smokey makeup, curled long blonde hair, and the fucking necklace, to have me growling.

I try yanking it off, but only end up agitating my skin. I undo the clasp, and toss the necklace back into my treasure box. Then, vowing to give it back to him, I put Declan’s bracelet on. I’ll just drop it in his office or something.

The thought has me irritated and on edge, but I don’t know what this means to him, and I can’t really ask, without being obvious.

Maybe it’s just something he bought because he liked it, or maybe it was a gift. It’s the first thing I’ve taken that makes me feel guilty. I need to return it. I’ll steal something from Hayden instead. Since he’s an ass and deserves it.

I head into the living room, relieved to find my mother in bed, seemingly asleep. I’m quiet as I leave.

Since I only brought a small bag of my uniforms, which consist of barely any material, I feel less awkward as I head down the street to work on my bike with the bag across my back. I get this weird feeling that I’m being watched and keep looking over my shoulder.

I pick up my pace a little and hustle to Haze.

“Hey, Baby,” the bouncer at the door greets me when I walk in through the front. I probably should have used the employeeentrance, but I’m not clocking in, so I felt weird about doing that. I might be overthinking.

“Hey, George.” I wave, slipping inside and heading straight to the basement to toss my load into a washer.

Once that's finished, I head for the VIP bar. I like the view from up there because I can see more of the club. Plus, it’ll be less obvious that I’m basically stalking my coworkers. At some point, I need to work up the courage to go speak with Declan, but maybe a drink will make that easier.

“Hey, can I get you a drink?” someone says beside me almost as soon as I sit, and I nod before I can catch myself. For a second, I thought he was the bartender, but then realize the question came from the wrong side of the bar.

The unmistakable smell of an interested Alpha hits me, as I turn slowly, facing the man attempting to hit on me. “I can get my own drink...”

“Oh?” He frowns, and I swallow thickly. Given my history, I wasn’t expecting to be drawn to, well, anyone. I’m usually not. Declan was a unique experience for me.

He is actually…unbelievably attractive.Hell on wheels, I think as I take in the sight of him. His messy white hair is short on the sides, but long enough on top to fall into his eyes. He bleaches it, because the roots are black. The colorful tattoos I can see are all very well done and add this bad boy appeal. His eyes are a bright turquoise, framed by long black lashes. His lips are full, and tinted a natural pink that makes him look freshly kissed.

Why are tattoos sexy? Because they hint at his ability to commit to something forever? Or because maybe he enjoys pain, or art? Or is it purely aesthetic? Am I just drawn to the prettiness of the artful way he portrays himself?

Am I just horny as fuck? My heat suppressants aren’t meant to curb instincts, but three years of use comes with side effectsthat I’d gotten used to. Like, a lower libido. Less desire to nest. Less frequently seeking the approval of Alphas. Maybe this is breakthrough hormones?

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