Page 89 of Knot Happening

Maybe I’m avoiding the things I brought up, but I need to process what she said first. It felt so damn good to get it all out, though, and I realize that was just another thing I lost when I lost Hayden.

My only fucking friend. My confidant. The person that held all my secrets and took all my pain by listening to me complain. I was so overwhelmed by the loss of him, that it didn’t occur to me to consider all the holes in my life he filled.

All that support, just gone in one day.

“Let's get a drink first?” she offers, and I nod. We head to the bar, and I lean against it. I only brought my ID.

Maybe it’s presumptuous to think I’ll get free drinks, but worst case is that I get no drinks, which I’m also okay with. I just want to listen to music and people watch at this point. Dream revealed that she also hasn’t spent any money on drinks tonight either, so I don’t feel too bad.

I have that creeping feeling of eyes on me again and look around for the source. Everyone that’s looking at me is unfamiliar. Just different Alphas and Betas showing general interest.

“Can I get you a drink?” someone asks from my other side, and I glance up at the Alpha. He’s handsome. Ish. Not my type, but he’s nice to look at, with dark brown hair and brown eyes. His scent is strong as hell, though, and a bit overpowering. It reminds me of butter. Which I like on my popcorn, but not so much on a man.

I nod, smiling up at him. “Sure, thanks.”

The grin he sends my way is a nice enough grin. It reminds me almost of Easton, but I’m not quite sure why. They look nothing alike. Straight white teeth, full lips. But it’s not filled with mischief and fucking mayhem. It’s not a criminal sort of smirk that makes me want to drop my panties.

We chat for a little bit while Dream talks to the Alpha on her other side.

The Alpha talking to me is Jimmy, and he’s twenty-seven. The bartender glares at him several times. Not sure what’s bothering her, but I just keep sipping my drink. He’s in the middle of explaining sports cars and how they’re basically race cars or something. I’m not listening when Dream grabs my wrist and drags me away to go dance.

The feeling of eyes on my body makes me shiver, and I look around again, finding Hayden walking right at me. I gasp, surprised and caught off guard. I stop dancing, and Dream frowns.

“You okay—ohhh…” she trails off, before taking several steps away. I’m about to follow her, but she grins brightly, shooting me two thumbs up. “Don’t be scared of future pain that isn’t guaranteed!” She fails epically at not shouting those words, and I snort as I shake my head at her.

“What are you drinking?” Hayden takes the drink from my hands, and downs it in one go. I watch him hand it to one of the bouncers that walks the floor. Then I watch him step right up to me. I don’t fight it, as Hayden grips my hips and pulls me against his chest.

I don’t manage to ask him any real questions. Just a mumbled, ‘What,’ slips free.

“Couldn’t resist. I miss you.” Hayden tips his head down, until he’s pressing his nose to the crown of my head and breathing deeply.

“No.” I can’t think clearly when he’s this close, holding me like this. His scent, his warmth…it’s too much. I want to jump into his arms and curl against his chest. I want to kiss him… Just one little kiss. To remember how it felt.

I want to chase the memories until I find a safe place to land in them. The rush when I realized he wanted me. The dizzy, lust filled moments when his mouth pressed against my body.

The comforting way he held me…

I wrap my arms around his neck, and my eyes drift shut. The song is upbeat. It’s not meant for slow dancing, but I don’t care. My entire focus is on Hayden.

“I’m drunk,” I admit, and Hayden nods.

“I know, Tatum.” He sounds sad. Maybe he knows that I wouldn’t have let him get this close if I were sober. Sober Tatum would have run away at the first sight of him. Drunk Tatum wants to climb Hayden like he’s a tree, and I'm a nut crazed squirrel.

“You broke a lot. I know it was your mom’s fault, but… I lost more than I even realized when I lost you. I’m maybe not okay, Hayden.” My confession blurs my vision, and I blink away the tears, letting them fall down my cheeks, no doubt ruining my makeup.

“I’m so sorry, Tatum. I wish I could take every second back. Let me fix it. Let me make you okay again. Happy. My pack and I. We can make you happy. ”

He’s begging, but how can he fix what’s broken inside me, when I don’t even know how?

“You can’t.”

I cling to him, ignoring the pounding music and shuffle of bodies around us. I breathe in his scent and pretend he’s mine, and I’m his.

I pretend he never abandoned me, and that I didn’t lose everything with him.

And then his phone rings, breaking the spell. I take a shuddering breath and step back. Hayden curses and looks like he wants to reach for me. Like he wants to pull me back against his chest. One glance at his phone, and he’s cursing again.

“I have to go. Don’t leave alone, Tatum. Stay with your friend.”

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