Page 12 of Queen Of Dark Money

Ilet my eyes remain closed and fought to keep my breathing steady so as not to alert her thatIwas awake, butIshould have known better.Thiswas my mother we were talking about.Sheknew me better thanIknew myself.

Herchuckle gave it away.

“Youknow, you have been pretending to sleep for almost that whole song now, andIknow you’re not.Younever could fool me,Kenzie.”

Myleft eye peeked open, finding her stern but loving gaze trained on me, joined with a soft smile. “Hi,Mama.Howyou feeling?”

Shewatched me stretch with that knowing grin, sitting upright with a book in her hands like she had not a care in the world. “Withmy fingers.You?”

Iwriggled my own, the sound of her laughter warming my very soul. “Samehere.”

Shewas in a good mood, andIhated to ruin it with the news thatI’dbe leaving her soon.Butshe needed to know sooner rather than later.Icouldn’t wait until the end of the week and tell her right beforeIleft.IfIdid, it’d be harder on both of us.

“Ma, we need to talk.”

Shemust’ve picked up on my tone, or maybe she was just fucking psychic by this point.Butthe way her face fell spoke volumes, even if she kept a brave smile on her lips.

“Oh?Whatabout, sweetheart?”

Iglanced at the door of her room, praying someone would walk in and save me from this difficult conversation.Ofcourse, nobody did.Nobodywas coming to save me; they never did.

“Igot a job offer,Ma.Agood one.”

Shestared at me likeIhad grown another head. “That’sgood, baby, real good!Willyou be okay starting a new job whileI’min here?”Herhands fidgeted in front of her as she searched my gaze for any hint of a lie.

Andthere was the hard part.Icouldn’t hide anything from her.Inever could.SoItook a deep breath and steeled my spine, preparing to tell her the biggest lieI’dever told.

“It’snot here, actually.I, uh,Iagreed to travel for it.”Myhands weren’t as steady as hers.Theyshook in my lap, andIstuffed them under my coat to hide the nervesIwas fighting.Itwas a losing battle.Mymother waited for me to continue, butIdidn’t know ifIcould.Thewords were simply stuck in my throat.Iwas fighting to stay hidden from her, so that she wouldn’t have to hurt.

“Kenzie?”

“It’sacross the country.Iwon’t be gone forever, just for a little while–”

“Acrossthe country?”Nowhervoice was wavering, andIcould see the tears forming in the corner of her eyes. “Whyso far away?”

Myvoice was barely a whisper. “It’llpay for your treatment, ma.Anda year’s worth of bills after.”

Herglossy eyes narrowed, and she shot me the stern mother glare. “Youare not responsible for my well-being–”

“Mom.Letme do this for you.You’vealways sacrificed for me–”

“Iam your mother,Kenzie.I’msupposed to make sacrifices for my child.”Sheslammed her book down on the bedspread,emphasizing her point with a huff. “There’sno reason you should go across the country just for a job because you thinkIneed you to–”

Iknew a conversation like this was unavoidable.Ishould have known better than to try and convince her whatIwas doing was right.Wasbest.ButIcouldn’t just leave her and walk away.Icouldn’t explain over a phone call.

Thecloth of my shirt was wrinkled to shit now, from all the twistingI’ddone with it clenched between my fingers.Witha sigh,Ireleased it, refusing to meet my mother’s gaze. “I’mdoing this,Mom.I’vealready booked the flight and accepted the bonus.Yourmedical bills are being charged to a separate account, where they’ll be taken care of as needed.Andyour living expenses will be covered as they come.There’sno arguing this.What’sdone is done.”

Iknew she was crying.Icould hear it in the sniffle she tried to hide, the catch at the end of every breath she took, like it was painful to keep breathing.Butshe didn’t say anything.Shedidn’t argue with me.Likemost mothers were so skilled in, she just let the silence murder me slowly.

Everynerve ending in my body crawled with anxiety as neither of us spoke, the tension so thick it resembled an invisible marsh.Theair was getting hard to breathe.Still,Ihadn’t looked up yet.Ifeared whatIwould find in her deep, expressive eyes.Momwas the one personI’dnever let down; ifIabandoned her while she was disappointed in me,Ididn’t know howI’dever come back again and show my face in her presence.

“Saysomething,”Ifinally rasped out, my own eyes stinging from the building waterworks now. “Anything.”

“Iraised you well, my dear.”

Myhead rose of its own accord, andIsaw pride shining in her eyes as she regarded me.Pride, not shame.Notdisappointment.

Shewas proud of me.

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