Page 71 of Dozer

“Thanks,” she said and handed me one of the cups.

We sat hip to hip with the blanket draped over our shoulders. She held her mug between her palms.

“Can we talk about yesterday?” she asked.

We needed to because yesterday was a series of revelations. In the morning, I’d been sure I could only be her friend. After seeing her in Chrome, I realized I was all in or all out.

She set her cup to the side. “Just talk to me, Dozer. I don’t know what to ask you because you confuse me. I know you think this started in the playhouse when you saw me with Romeo, but we both know this started long before that.”

I nodded. “For me, it was the first time I saw you at Chrome.”

“Sometimes, when you look at me, I know you’re thinking dirty thoughts.”

She laughed, and some of the tension left my shoulders.

“Guilty.”

“But sometimes, it seems like you hate me or hate yourself.”

I stared into my coffee cup. “I’ve never spent a second hating you. I’m fucked up.”

She stared at my profile until I turned to her.

“You go dark, Dozer. Like the night at the playhouse. That’s when I ache for you the most. I need you so terribly. I feel your hurt.”

I leaned in and kissed her. “You can’t fix me, baby.”

“I don’t want to fix you. I need you broken.” She didn’t kiss me. She devoured me. Her mouth claimed mine, kissing me with a ferocious possession. My coffee cup tipped, spilling, and then fell to the ground and broke. I fisted my hands in her hair.

I pulled her against my chest and held her. “I’m more than broken.”

She stared at my face, traced my brow, and trailed her finger along my jaw. She let her hand fall away. “I know.”

“Pip, I’ve never wanted a girlfriend. I’d have to trust. Risk falling in love.”

“Am I worth the risk?”

“You don’t have to ask that.” I let her go, scrubbed my face with my palms, and then bent forward and rested my elbows on my knees.

“Dozer?”

“It’s not about us.” I tilted my head and met her gaze. “It’s Romeo.”

“You want me to end things with him?”

I turned my attention to the horizon. I didn’t want to see rejection in her eyes. Having her choose him over me would be like sticking a gun in my mouth and pulling the trigger.

“I will,” she softly spoke and leaned into me, resting against my side. “He’ll understand because he knows how important you are to me.”

Need for her had been a barbed wire around my heart. Too painful to let her in. I heard the sincerity in her voice. This was her choice. She wanted anus. I’d needed to know that she would choose me so I could let myself believe there could be an us, too. “I’m not asking you to.”

“Aren’t you? If I want you, I need to give up Romeo. Dozer, look at me.”

I turned to her.

Tears filled her eyes and spilled onto her cheeks. “I’m not in love with Romeo. He doesn’t haunt me in my dreams. I don’t ache when I see him alone. I don’t melt under the heat of his stare, and I don’t want to sit in the dark with him. I don’t want to drown in his lust or have him treat me like I’m his whore. I don’tneed him to fuck me until I cry. That’s you, Dozer. I’m all those things with you.”

I stared into her eyes, my emotions in my throat. “Fuck.”

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