Moonlight seeped through the thin bedroom curtains. I’d hurt her. I brushed my fingers through her blonde bangs. Her gaze searched mine.
“I’m sorry.” I inhaled a steadying breath.
Then her mouth was on mine. A gentle reconnecting. She told me all I needed to know with the softest touch of her lips.
“When you’re ready to talk, I’m here to listen.”
I laced my fingers with hers. “Some shit you’re better off not knowing.”
“I don’t believe that. I think we’re stronger when we’re together. It’s like black has no power over me because I have you next to me. You make me stronger.You’ve got something black inside you, too. You’re letting it have power over you, just like I let black have power over me.”
She climbed off my lap. “Blade left the key to your room on the dresser. I can stay here with you.” She smiled and crawled up to the top of the bed. “I’m on probation.”
After I closed our bedroom door, I tucked the key into the side pocket of my cut, then shrugged out of it, and laid it on top of the dresser. I flipped my shirt up and off. “I should shower.”
“I don’t care if you’re dirty.” She pulled down the blanket.
I kicked off my boots and jeans then climbed in next to her. “What does probation mean?”
She scooched back, pressing her ass against my groin, my chest to her back. “I’m not sure, but I know I can be here in your room.”
I draped my arm over her hip, rested my hand on her belly, and pulled her closer. A heavy exhale vibrated through her, and the tension seemed to leave her body. Another apology poised on the tip of my tongue, but those weren’t the words that were going to fix this for us.
Kiss
The pungent scent of weed lingered in his hair and on his skin. And his kisses tasted of whiskey and regret. Knowing he reverted back to his vices to deal with his emotions hurt my heart. I understood. Relapse had been part of my addiction.
When he’d walked away, I’d proven to myself I was getting better. Did I want to use? Not like before. In thepast, I would find excuses to use, now I hung onto reasons to stay clean. That didn’t mean it wasn’t a fight between my brain and my determination. Because it was. Every fucking minute of every fucking day. But I wasn’t in withdrawal, and the cravings weren’t as sharp, and they weren’t overpowering all reason and logic. I worked with my coping skills, and they always passed.
Tonight was a relapse for Blue. We’d kissed, he’d gone down on me, and I’d had the taste of him in my mouth. We’d come so far from the fear of even sitting too close together.
I covered his hand with mine, weaved our fingers, and shivered as he slipped our joined hands under my shirt.
I closed my eyes, so fucking relieved he was with me.
“Jalen was my best friend growing up.” He spoke slowly and softly, as if he wanted to be precise in the things he told me. “Really, my only friend. We were always together because our parents did everything together. Our moms were best friends. Our dads were in business together. That makes it sound like they used to be best friends. I assume they still are. My parents are going to be buried with them. We were together for holidays, birthdays, fucking Wednesdays, and every other fucking day of the year. When you’re ten years old, it’s great having your best friend around.”
I didn’t say anything, just grazed my nails gently along his arm, letting him know I was listening.
“Our parents share a lake house. We spent summers fishing and boating. As kids, it was the best.” He chuckled low and gruff. “Everything but my sister.She’s ten months older, and the same age as Jalen. I’m sure you can guess how that part of the story ended.”
“Did they end up together?”
“According to her social media, they got married.”
I didn’t ask, but obviously, the separation hurt if he’d checked in on her. His fingertips lingered on my quivering belly, then migrated higher causing my heart to flutter.
“I give zero fucks if her and Jalen are happy. I told them both to fuck off six years ago. In sixty years, it’ll be too soon to see her again.” His leg slid between mine, resting his thigh against the heat of my pussy. There was no mistaking this closeness for a sexual connection. Blue needed to touch me for security.
“They wouldn’t want to see me either.” His voice quieted. Tension thickened in the air. Blue’s hand pressed against the heat of my abdomen. A final breathy exhale warmed my flesh.
“The summer I turned ten was the first time Carl Douglas made me feel uncomfortable. At first, the touches seemed accidental, but I think instinct knows the scent of a predator. I was too young to know…too young to know that I had a reason to be scared. When I was eleven, he clamped his hand over my mouth to keep me from making any noise, and he rubbed himself against me until he shot his load.”
My throat tightened, but a terrorizing fear sizzled in every part of my body. I hurt for the little boy who must have been terrified, and for this man holding me, barely containing his rage. Blue’s tone sharpened, and his touch started to turn aggressive. I unfurled his fingers with mine and gently kissed the back of his hand.
He pressed a kiss to my shoulder and intentionally relaxed, softening against me.
“I’d hit a growth spurt in seventh grade. I was awkward with pimples and a big dick.” His voice rumbled into me. “When you’re twelve, you start to rack up currency for your spank bank. Jalen was getting off on my sister while I was rubbing one out to the girls on the soccer team.”