Page 46 of Blue

My tummy flipped. Our session wasn’t up, but I didn’t care. I was ready to go home. We turned in our axes to the bubbly monitor and headed out to the parking lot. The sun had just about set, but the night air was still warm.

Blue tucked a stray tangle of hair behind my ear, then helped me with my helmet. He backed the bike up, then held it steady while I climbed on behind him. This time, I didn’t hesitate in holding tight as he revved the engine and zipped out of the parking lot.

He weaved through traffic. Wind whipped around us, and the road was a blur beneath my feet. I expected to ride back to Sully’s, but Blue headed downtown.

My stomach clenched when he turned onto Washington Street. We passed the alley between Third and Fourth street. I’d met a plug there. Jonesy and Hunter, two of the Crawlers I’d been using with, beat the fuck out of him, stole his product and money and warned him about dealing on their territory.

This was their territory. The neighborhood pharmacists for anything to fuck a girl up.

The park was a trigger. I remembered the rush of coming to the park, of knowing I’d be high in a few minutes. A bead of sweat slipped down my spine. These were my drug memories. I’d smoked weed with Bling at Inked Out after he’d given one of my drug friends a tattoo. I’d shot up in the public bathrooms. I didn’t wantto be here. I didn’t want my time with Blue tainted by my past, and I had too many memories here, memories I wanted to forget.

Blue slowed the bike, but the rumble of the pipes still drew attention. Small mom and pop shops lined the right side of the street, and on the left, people walked in the park. Skaters loitered. No doubt, within five minutes of being in the park, I could score black.

The anticipation, the glide of the needle, the rush of euphoria, and then the fucking crash when I lost everything and everyone.

Saliva pooled in the back of my throat. Blood flowed hot through my veins, and a fear sizzled through every part of me. Sweat coated my flesh. I wasn’t strong enough to be here.

Blue backed the motorcycle into a parking spot near the skate park. After securing the helmets to the bike, he weaved his fingers with mine, and we followed the path into the park. Within a few steps, he stilled and stared into my eyes. “Are you okay?”

My hands trembled. “I used to do black here.”

“Fuck. Okay. We’ll go.” His fingers tightened on mine as he started back toward the bike.

Our first date. We’d kissed. We’d flirted with innuendo. We’d touched like lovers.Our first date. And I was going to ruin it with my fears and insecurities. I wasn’t there yet. I couldn’t call myself clean when I only had a week without drugs, but I was determined.

Every nerve in my body burned with want of just a little hit, but I’d never be stronger than I was with him. I couldn’t be afraid to have a life. I wasn’t a slave to black. “Blue, wait.”

“Nah, baby. We can go somewhere else.”

I’d been an addict for too long. There was no place untouched by my past. “Why did you bring me here?”

With a jerk of his head, he flipped his bangs from his face and nodded to the store at the corner of the park. “To get an ice cream and then make out on one of those benches.”

With his fingers still laced with mine, I tugged his hand behind my back, bringing us closer together. I stared into his eyes, seeing the way I felt about him reflecting back at me. We were in this together. “The only memories I want from tonight are memories of us.”

“Ice cream?”

“I want to be with you. I don’t care where we go.”

He held my hand as we crossed the park. Street performers played guitar and sang. The lobby of the ice cream shop was crowded. We peered through the glass and read the names of the flavors.

“What’s your favorite?” he asked me.

“When I was a kid, I always picked bubblegum.” I moved along the glass. “Mmm. That looks good.”

Blue grabbed the attention of the girl running the counter.

“What can I get you?” she asked.

“A single scoop of the cherry cheesecake,” I said.

Her attention turned to Blue.

“I’ll have a medium Coke.”

I pinched my brow. “You’re not getting ice cream?”

He chuckled. “I don’t like ice cream.”

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