Page 38 of Blue

While she patched the hole, I cleaned the shower.

“Are you okay with me staying with your dad?”

Jazzy used the putty knife to smooth the spackle. “Yes, but I think we need to talk about what happens now.” She sat on the edge of the toilet. “How are you feeling?”

“Good. Clear.”

“Cravings?”

“Just every minute of every day.” I smiled. “But I’m not going to use.”

“What happens when you see old friends?”

“I don’t plan to see old friends.” Not my drug friends, and I wasn’t ready to hang out with Hellers, either. Not yet. Actually, I think I’d be okay at the MC. But my fears were tangled up with Romeo and Levi. Atsome point, I’d have to figure out how to face them. An apology wasn’t going to undo all the hurt I’d put us through.

“You can’t hide from life.”

“I know. I’m not going to.”

Jazzy let the topic drop. She turned on music. As she sanded the wall, I washed the few dishes in the kitchen sink. We opened windows and reminisced about some of the good times I’d forgotten about.

“Remember that night when the guys broke through the fence at the golf course, so they could have a paintball war.” Jazzy pulled dirty towels from the hooks and sorted them with the laundry.

“Oh my god.” Until Jazzy mentioned it, I had forgotten. “Why were we even there with them?”

“Because girls were worth two points. Those assholes.”

“Someone called the cops on us. Cop cars swarmed the lot, and they even had the helicopter with a search light.”

“Because it was reported we had assault rifles.”

I smiled remembering how scared the guys were. While they hid in the trees, we took the hit, giving ourselves up with our hands in the air and confessing we’d stolen our brothers paintball guns. We’d just gotten a warning, and the cops drove us home in the back of a squad car to scare us straight.

“Your dad acted so mad,” I said. “He promised the cops it wouldn’t happen again. I thought we were busted when he said we’d be punished.”

“Levi had tears on demand.” Jazzy laughed. “Then he went and picked up the boys, ordered pizza and colas, and proceeded to lecture us on the importance of not getting caught.”

“Those were good times.” I folded the blankets on the couch.

“We’re going to have more of those good times. You’re part of the crew, Kiss. The MC is different now. But we’re not. We all love you.”

Holding the blanket against my chest, I sat on the couch. If I wanted Blue, I had to accept the MC. He was a Heller. “After what your dad said, I don’t know what to think. You say we’re all still a crew, but we’re not. Everything has changed.” I hoped I’d changed, too. “I don’t know the people you and Blue talk about.”

“Ask me. What do you want to know?”

I wondered about the new girls in the club, but I worried about the Hellers who were still there.

“Was Rogue angry that the club made Blade president?” As VP, when Razor died, he’d have been the natural replacement.

“Rogue pushed for Blade. Rogue is right where he wants to be.”

“I can’t imagine the old timers were happy about all the changes.” I was scared of those old timers. I had their secrets, and they had mine. I had regrets, but I wasn’t going to be ashamed for what happened in those back bedrooms. I’d rather focus on the anger.

I took responsibility for what I did with Razor. But drug addiction didn’t mean I asked to be raped.

This was the fucked up side effect of sobriety. Owning my truth. Hate flowed through me. I had a hard time even saying the names of the Hellers I wished dead. “What about Elvis and Slims?”

“Slims is serving life. Hopefully, someone shanks his ass. Elvis was a fucking traitor. Some things will never change. He’s dead because he betrayed the Hellers. He’s dead along with Wrench and the Crawlers.Because of them, we lost Texas, we nearly lost Bullet and Rogue. Tank is still sitting in prison.”

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