Page 31 of Blue

“I want to kiss you, too.” My heart had hungered for this. I licked my lips, swallowed, and anticipated the touch of his lips to mine.

“Not this time.I’mgoing to kissyou.” His breath was warm on my lips. “But I don’t want you to move.”

“Blue?” I leaned into him.

He chuckled. “Just let me kiss you. No touching me.”

“Why?”

“Later. Not tonight.” He slid a palm around the back of my neck and tilted my face to his. “Is it okay if I kiss you now?”

“Yes.” I clasped my hands in my lap to keep from touching him.

He took a breath and brushed his lips against mine. Once. Twice. His eyes closed, and I closed mine, his mouth opened, and he touched the seam of my lips with his tongue.

And then he was kissing me, softly, sweetly, but oh so thoroughly. His tongue swept my mouth, taking mine, drawing me in, and stealing my breath. His mouth tasted of everything I’d never had. I inhaled his exhale, breathing in the scent of him. The fragrance of his cologne and the clean scent of his shampoo.

His touch was gentle, and his mouth was magical. I tasted his upper lip, and he sucked my lower. A low growl rolled from his chest. I whimpered, grabbed his shirt, and chased his mouth with mine.

Blue stiffened, trying to continue the kiss, but our mouths became awkward. His hand tightened on my neck, and his other hand covered mine, anchoring my fingers to his chest to keep me from moving.

When I tried to pull my fingers away, he broke from my lips and gasped a breath.

“I’m sorry,” I said jerking my hands back into my lap. “You told me not to touch you.” I’d just wanted to get closer to him.

“It’s all good.” He smiled and rubbed his thumb along my lips. “Really good.”

But it wasn’t. I’d ruined the moment.

Still, tonight, he’d fought for us. Whatever was between us was more than friendship. I’d trusted him with my secret, and he’d revealed he had demons as dark and dangerous as mine.

Blue

Morning was bittersweet. Sweet because last night on the porch steps with Kiss was the best kiss of my life. Her lips, her soft sighs, holy fuck, I didn’t think I’d ever been harder. I’d wanted to keep kissing her. Bitter because I’d ended it as soon as the first talons of panic had pricked my flesh.

Water cascaded over my head and sluiced down my torso. I reached between my legs, fisted my dick, and replayed last night in my head as I showered.

What I wanted was for her to straddle my lap and slide down my cock so I could finally feel her on the inside. I’d still been hard when she touched me, but I knew what would happen if her hands had roamed over my chest, if her fingers had migrated south, if she’d wanted to touch my dick.

I squeezed my cock even harder. Pressure built in my balls, and pain ripped along my spine. I hated this. I could fuck my fist and shoot my load to the images in my head, but fuck me, I was never going to be able to warn her to hold on tight as I wrecked her pussy.

I tilted my face to the water. “I fucking hate this.” I wanted a girlfriend. I wanted to be able to hold her, to kiss her until we were both breathless, then slide between her thighs and have her hold onto me without feeling like I couldn’t breathe.

Tears swam in my eyes, mixing with the scorching hot water that was never going to wash away the stains on my soul. I’d been fucking broken.

I jacked my dick hard, rubbing the shaft raw until my balls tightened, drew up to my body, and hot jets spewed from the slit.

There was no pleasure, no release, just another fucked up reminder that I could never be everything Kiss needed. Once she knew my secrets, I was going to lose her. She thought she’d done some bad shit.

I’d done worse.

Once I’d showered, I dressed in jeans and a faded concert T-shirt I’d picked up at a secondhand store. After I shrugged on my cut, I joined Sully and Rogue in the kitchen and grabbed one of the colored mugs with wildflowers painted on them from the hooks under the cabinet.

“No time,” Rogue said to me, then finished off his dregs and put his cup in the sink. “We need to go.”

I returned the cup to the hook and pulled my keys from my pocket. We walked outside, letting the screen door slam closed behind me.

Rogue headed up the steps to the apartment. I crossed the driveway and pushed the key into the ignition of my bike.

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